Who should make concession in family quarrel, man or woman?
By IvChloe
@IvChloe (57)
China
March 20, 2013 9:08am CST
Recently we couple frequently quarrel on some trivial matters. We have been married for 6 years after being love for 4 years. Most of the time, we are quite sweet, except for some affairs about family-our big family. Acturally I mean once the matter is about our parents and family members, we quarrel for contradictions. Others always say nothing is a big deal, but in China nothing is a big deal except family matters. I don't like being involved in some trivial things from his family, but he always fight back. I was hurt by his family members, so I just want to keep distance, better farewell. Although we are married, I am an independent individual. I am not owned by anybody. No one should force others to do anything, especially when she was getting hurt.
Everyone is under huge pressure nowadays, no matter you are man or woman. Woman should get more understanding from her husband than before.
Better communication than quarrel. Once fight, be gentleman, ok?
2 people like this
5 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
22 Mar 13
One should always try to be understanding towards the partner's feelings. I know that it may be hard to meet half way all the time, but is one would really want to hold on to the relationship, they should both learn how to respect each other.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
23 Mar 13
At your age, they still have a control on you? Does this happen to all singles when they are still living with their parents? Why don't you live on your own so that you can decide things for yourself.
@IvChloe (57)
• China
22 Mar 13
Chinese parents sometimes are really hard to communicate with. Because they always try to control you but at the same time they want you to be fully totipotential. People always spoil their children and meanwhile be strict to them. Children love their parents but just can not find the way to have a conversation with the common topic.
For me, it is too late to communicate with my parents. They never listen to me. They just want me to follow their instructions as they think that's right. Although I'm 30 already.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
20 Mar 13
I agree with you. In my opinion, in an ideal relationship, both parts are equal. It should not depend on your gender to apologize, but on the fact who was wrong. I would not apologize or seek fopr forgiveness if I was hurt in the first place, as a woman.
@passion4fassion (996)
• Philippines
22 Mar 13
I agree in the relationship both should have respect to each other treat each other equal
@IvChloe (57)
• China
22 Mar 13
Surely we should respect each other. But you know for couples there are not always absolute right or wrong. Communication is quite important in any relationships. Whenever we are in the tough situation quarreling, I hope my man can apologize or just say something to ease the embarrased atmosphere first. And then we can both apologize to each other. It's the reflect of love but not right or wrong. We are the closest two people in the world. Nothing can't be solved through communication. Love = respect + communication.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
20 Mar 13
it is unfortunate situation when one person has to choose between those whom s/he loves. family is always a family. it is a blood relation. couple or partner should understand this. otherwise, problems on priority will always crop up. for me, i do not want to put my partner in a situation where she has to choose between me and her family. it is hurtful to know the truth.
@IvChloe (57)
• China
22 Mar 13
It's cruel for anyone who has to make choices between family members. Men and women are all in that difficult situation. It's hard to make such choices. But we should not be muddled in family matters, especially for men. It's better to avoid such things.
Life is hard for anyone, no one can be alert enough to avoid mistakes. Then someone is hurt by us, the one we care about.Whether one can live a happy life or not depends on how wise decision s/he has made and will make.
Good luck, friend.
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
24 Mar 13
Thanks for sharing and welcome to mylot
I agree with you, the women should me more understanding and more cooperative.
We must drop this 'in-law' from mother in law, father in law, just treat as father/mother; i am sure every thing gets solved.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
24 Mar 13
There are things worth fighting for. What depends on you as an individual. As you say you are one and you have your own goals, ideas, views. Your husband (and others) should at least respect that even if they do not agree with it. The same you should do with your husband.
There is no reason why a woman should be more caring or understanding or give in more as a man. This is nonsense. In a relationship both have to invest, it's not just the job of the woman to accept everything, to swallow everything, to make all the concessions. If your husband can't understand that or is not willing to invest in your relationship you two don't belong together. If you can communicate it's ok but there are times a quarel is needed too to make clear there is a big NO. Men are great in ignoring what is going on but also it's good to ventilate feelings. If not it will affect your health sooner or later for sure. BTW if you can't even quarrel with the one you love, you feel save with, without being rejected, you can't quarrel with anyone.
