Wipe the slate clean? I just can't do it

I have found that holding a grudge against someone does no good. This is a true experience: I held a grudge against this woman for years because she didn't do what I needed to be done. Someone else helped me with the matter. Anyway for years I held a grudge against this woman and as the years passed and I held it for all those years and it ate me up inside, one day I ran into her. HMMM! Imagine that! She said hi to me and I said hi back. I couldn't even remember why I was so hostile towards her. So I let the grudge go and I was no longer tore up inside. Grudges only hurt ourselves and no one else, for the person we hold the grudge, or hate or whatever against only hurts us for the person that we are holding them against has no clue, and even if they did have a clue they don't care. So my advice is this (and I know it's easier said than done) forget about it and move on, or at least let it go. Life is to short to let others take control of your life by holding grudges, or whatever. Live you life and bless and thank God for the challenge, because that's what it is.

Honestly, i do not think anyone could go back and start with a real, clean slate. Coz no matter how you show people that you are going to be a better person, still there are some who would see you as the person who failed one time in you life. How to keep your sanity and move on? What I did was to get numb about the things that people throws at me and yeah, be thick-skinned. It can get to me sometimes, but it is impossible to turn back the clock and erase all the bad memories from each of the people who knew or each of the people involved. I am still in that situation that the past is haunting me every now and then. But I try to snap out of it. I really do not want to feel the pain anymore.

you can't.

Me neither. I tend to not forget things done to me. Can't let go of them. I may forgive, but I never forget. I don't know. I guess it's the Scorpio in me. Oh well.

Honestly, that is not an easy thing for anyone I don't think. Maybe we think its easier for others because they don't show their pain on the outside but most people deal with it internally. I don't show how much my parents have hurt me on the outside, I try not to talk about it much anymore (except here), I don't let them know they hurt me, I don't share my pain with anyone about it. I don't feel like it will help anything because things cannot be changed. It happened, it's in the past and there is not a thing anyone can do to change it now... When they hurt me now I ignore it, I ignore the pain like I don't give a darn. I have tried to shut the pain out of my life. I tell myself if I ignore it then it didn't actually happen or it didn't bother me. I have pretty much shut down towards them now. If other people hurt me I do want to talk about it, but I don't because I also don't like confrontation.

Keep yourself busy, look for more friends or if not do things that you have not done before for more adventure don't be imprison on that things. I am here I will be your adviser and many of us in mylot okay.

Hmmmm! As usual, I read all the responses...before jumping in...and to me, there seems to be more than one issue...of DIFFERENT relationships! How I deal with it..will/may not apply elsewhere, as everyone is from a differnet cut of cloth! First requirement, I see, from some-one close, must be a full agreement of both parties, the differences need to be settled..and both concur this must be done amicably. This is disputes with those considered friends/and or family! For some-one of little consequence in my day to day...I cannot/nor will not allow this to fester inside me...as I don't want the power to slip from me! i don't want them to think/know by their actions that they have been part and parcel of disrupting my world! Just me!

It is a cliche but true. Only time can heal many of the hurts or at least they do not appear to be so bad. It is so difficult to try and put it one side and get on with life. Remember though, that the thing or person you are spending so much negative energy on is not spending that time thinking of you. Often, if we could only know the reason it would make it better, but often we never get to know the real reason and this is so frustrating. Some things you are not ever going to know and maybe the other person cannot even articulate what they are either. So difficult. In time, the hurt will be absorbed and the sun will shine a little more each day as the dark cloud drifts away

From reading through here it sounds like deep down inside you want people to apologize to you for the wrong that they have done you. Like if they were doing so, they are acknowledging that they did something wrong. In a perfect world that would happen; however we don't live in a perfect world. For a person to admit to something like that would mean they would have to get out of their bubble that things just run smoothly if you ignore it. I can't wipe the slate clean on certain things with certain people. Sometimes it just can't be done. On the flip side to that, there are issues that will never be resolved because these people live in their own reality and justify everything they do in their own minds. There will always be unresolved issues but mainly it's the other person that prevents the closure a person needs. In cases like that...all you can do is let it go for your own sanity. I have let go of things because I HAD too; however, I've never let those people close to me again.

You never will be alright, if you dont clean the past. I know sometimes its hard to do. But you need to do it. Good luck to you.

Hi friend ! Why not forgive and forget ? Try to forgive yourself and then forgive others , this will make a light and a happy heart. Forget the pains that others inflicted , it maybe hard but that is only way you to completely heal your wound.