Update on my grandson's court date

He has anger, but you know, the fact that he could buckle down for two days shows he can control it. However, that is what my niece said about her daughter. It is just a pain all the way around. My niece is 20 now and had a lot of issues all the way through school and finally finished in an alternative classroom, but Josh is a long way away from being able to do that.At his age Katy threw scissors at her teacher and a lot of other things. It almost seems to have done more damage for dad to contact him.

Being on probation ended up being the best thing that happened to my middle daughter. It scared her straight so to speak. In fact, she was to have 6 months probation but after 3 months the officer let her go saying she was the best behaved child she had ever had on probation in all her 20 years of being a probation officer. It wasn't easy at first though because my daughter rebelled for the first couple of weeks. Marsha

I think he definitely needs to be evaluated. Maybe the emergency room isn't the right place to do it,but there must be a clinic or something...

I have a few concerns which I hope you will look into and hopefully help you get some answers and help for your situation: 1. Urgency Since your last post on your grandson, I believe you need to elevate your timetable in getting a second opinion, evaluations and even counseling for the ENTIRE household on how to care for him and ALL his caretakers. The situation seems to have escalated into a court case and due to his doings, it is obvious something is very wrong at home (his father issue aside). Part of the reason I anticipate here, is that all of you at home are not well in knowledge to administer proper care. I feel you should not be passively waiting for your appointments anymore but take more initiative to arrange for another doctor, look for the support groups around your area, legal counseling for the coming court case and if you can help it STOP WAITING! 2. Looking Out For Triggers I believe there is this need to be aware of and constantly looking out for in this area, as far as managing your grandson's disorder is concern. Like his father's visitation, I think all of you should take the blame for the resulted aggravation. I am sorry but I see that his father should be temporarily banned in the first place especially when he is unaware of his child's special situation. Undoubtedly, he is the biological father but if he is unable to be 100% committed as a father, he will be a liability to your grandson. I understand that one of the basic requirements of treating and caring for such conditions is to avoid, reduce or remove the triggers that could cause him to react adversely or opposite from what he is suppose to. So, I think all of you need to have a talk to the father for what he has done and if he has his child's interest at heart, he should cooperate understandingly. On this note, waiting around may indirectly be a trigger and fuse even. So, you can see that this is related to point 1 above and know why I am asking that you speed up if you can. 3. Try Not To Be Delicate I know that his behavior is excusable and should be tolerated but I think there are times as parents or relatives, we need to step up and be firm for his good. His outburst that led to this legal entanglement is one area where the entire household should show some firm solidarity and address firmly with no tolerance. It is painful but letting it go will bring consequences to him. He may have a medical condition but if we continue tolerating when he has crossed the boundaries then it is definitely not right, love and good treatment. We are just reinforcing the bad elements into him and he will think that the meaner he gets the better for him to get things his way. 4. Recognize The Time To Let Go You may not like this point but I would want you to consider this with a grain of salt. All of us have our own limitations. You must be able to recognize and accept that after exhausting all your options and if your grandson is not responding positively then it is time to release your grip to let the professionals treat him. It would even mean letting him stay in a facility conducive for his recovery. This is probably the reason why I am seeking that the entire household who is involved in looking after him to go for counseling. Letting go isn't giving up and even not about abandoning him. Be prepared for this to arrive on your doorstep and recognize that whatever you are doing is not enough. Just be able to recognize this and be prepared to release your grip (temporarily) for him to rehabilitate in a more conducive and controlled environment. I hope I did not sound insensitive and offending here. I admit I have been long winded and for whatever, let me apologize if I have wronged here.

You have done as much as you can but he really needs more professional help. He is not connecting all the dots and needs to be reassessed. I think that the medical personnel who have seen him are missing something. I also agree that his father coming into his life only to disappear again has agrravated the situation. It is all very sad and it must be a nightmare for both you and your daughter to deal with. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this tension and worry

This is so sad for your family. I hope your grandson will get the help he needs.

I have absolutely NO valuable input, except to offer prayers and "an ear".....I don't think, unless we are "walking in your shoes" we can really understand the volatility of your situation....BUT I really wished the Professionals would STEP-UP their game! It seems to me, at his young age, really good help could re-mould him along a better path!~ With all the time, effort and love and understanding you have held forth here....I am worried that you will run out of energy, or make yourself ill, from worry and stress. Please, in all this melee, remember to try and take care of YOU!

I'm sorry about what's going on that's pretty rough. I think he needs more juvenile detention the 30 days that's not enough. He could use some psychiatry help as well. Something to get him under control. Boot camp? I don't know I hope they figure something out before he does get to out of hand and does the things he's saying he's going to do. Hopefully their not true though. Good luck

I do hope your grandson can get straightened out w/his thoughts & actions. I know it must be heart-breaking to see him do the things he has done. I know it must break your heart & his mother's.My thoughts & prayers are w/u all.

It could be. I remember how confused I was when I came to the age of realization, When I was just old enough to know that about my mom and dad not being in my life and why in the world would they just leave me for someone else to raise. The love my grandparents expressed...although probably not realized to them at the time...had a great influence on who I became. Your efforts are not in vain dear friend. They have great meaning even though you may not know it. I often felt like it was something about me..something that made them want to stay away. It took life and learning to see anything different. The greatest lesson I was ever taught was no matter what role they hold..people are people and they all have the potential to really screw up and it can be all their fault in the process. I think he is angry but I also think he is blaming it on himself which makes him even angrier.

it is great thing and updation is that juvenile detention and more often he need to specialize in some particular things and he need to work it up just before christmas,hope everything pans out well

thank you so much for the update, its heartbreaking what you and your daughter are going through with Josh. He is only 10 years old so thats much too young to see he is wrecking his future if he goes on like he did even hitting and hurting his own mother. Wish I could do something to help you and your daughter......