Couldn't Bring Myself To Socialize
By MoonGypsy
@MoonGypsy (4606)
United States
March 24, 2013 4:35pm CST
instead of just dropping my daughter off to karate and then picking her up, i started staying there to see her practice. this is so, that i don't have to walk extra on these crutches. i really enjoy watching my daughter practice and i am glad that i have to stay to watch her. the only thing is that there are other mothers there who try to talk to me and get to know me. i guess that is the normal thing for mothers to while watching kids practice (just like on tv), but i am not comfortable with it. the two other mothers there started bringing me into their conversation. i answered a few of their drilling questions as briefly as possible, smile half way and then got up to sit on the other side of the room, the first opening i had. i have social anxiety problems. people coming up to me to try to get to know me makes me very very very nervous, to the point where i could literally blank out. i guess i am not cut out to be the social kind of "soccer mom". the way i see it, i am not there to make friends, i am there for my daughter. from now on, i will make sure i take a place away from the rest of the moms. that way, i won't get brought into anymore conversations.
2 people like this
9 responses
@Koon999Tan (681)
• Malaysia
25 Mar 13
i can feel the same as your as i am little bit shy to start conversion with someone totally weird, so that why until now i still not get girlfriend. it is becaose of my shy attitude or fear, or got not idea to chat with them. this is how i feel
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
25 Mar 13
this is how i feel. it's a lot of pressure to either come up with something to say or respond. i can only do that here on mylot. sad, huh?
@Koon999Tan (681)
• Malaysia
26 Mar 13
yeah, online chatting is much easier but alway type or say in the full respect of other people as i am here to have chat and not looking for fight.
@nyssa102 (748)
• United States
24 Mar 13
I understand in a way. I am a natural introvert. In other words, I feel nice and comfy if I am quiet. However, in this world, a world of networking and social platforms, it is necessary to become extroverted. I took some acting classes and improv to help me out. I'm actually quite good at it and am now actually beginning to enjoy some of the nice people I meet. But yes, I am an introvert, but with practice I'm learning extroverted skills. I feel for you. it's ok. You sound like a cool person, from your posts.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
24 Mar 13
thank you so much for saying that. i guess it's just my defense mechanism.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 Mar 13
Above i said that i work in the public and it helps in dealing with this sort of stuff. When i was younger i was very very awkward with these situations. i always felt kind of like a freak. working in the public did help get over the awkwardness but it also made me more confident in my desire to just keep to myself if i want to. i love people and i really love my friends but i also very much love my solitude. And i agree with you 100% on this chatting thing at the kid's games. my youngest daughter was into basketball. Because of the hours i worked, her dad got to take her to most of her games. on the occasions that i was able to go, i wanted to sit and watch her in her glory uninterupted and without distraction. nothing would irritate me more than someone that i did not know , trying to draw me into a chat.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
25 Mar 13
exactly! they should be watching their children, not me.
@aryajayaprakash (1643)
• Japan
25 Mar 13
I see this as just as a normal behavior. We have different personalities and attotudes that makes us unique from others. We do not need to worry if we are not like others. Some people tend to the process of socialization more than others. If you really want to develop socialization like others, it is possible with a conscious effort. Over a period of time it will be part of your normal behavior. Socialization is a thing we learn experience. Remember that there are many bad effects associated with excessive socialization.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
25 Mar 13
well, i am not trying to learn to be more social. i am happy just sticking to myself and my family.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
25 Mar 13
I had severe social anxiety in the past and I can relate to your situation. If I had been in your situation while I still had severe social anxiety I would have felt the same way as you when they tried to bring you into the conversation. It would have trigged my anxiety to be "forced" to join the conversation.
On the other hand the women probably meant well. They saw it from their own point of view. They think that it is nice to socialize and nice to talk to others while they are waiting and they assume that you feel the same way. If you don't have social anxiety it is sometimes hard to understand who people who have social anxiety or put yourself in their situation because you just don't understand it, that is my experience. I think that the best thing to do is to find a seat away from the other mothers and hopefully they will respect that you don't feel like socializing.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
25 Mar 13
well, they seem pretty respectful of it so far. let's hope it stays that way. i won't stop watching my daughter practice though.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
24 Mar 13
I know... it's weird if you get into a community, and it can be really overwhelming if loads of people are bombarding you with stuff. I also don't know how to behave in situations like this. I either become too interrogative and too cheerful, or like you, don't socialize and don't feel like "OMG, let's be friends!".
It's really not a fault if you don't feel like making friends. Everyone works different ways, and people should accept that. I hope those mothers are not those kind of backstabbing people who are picking on people who are not super friendly and all.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
24 Mar 13
if they do that, one of my alter egos called, jenna, will come out. jenna is not a nice person. i try to stay away from anything or anyone that triggers her. i truly have problems and that's why i don't f&^% with people.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
25 Mar 13
I hear you and know exactly how you felt, you want the ground to swallow you up, literally, I have a social phobia and I feel both awkward, and uncomfortable, I want to be left alone, I start getting nervous, not knowing what to say, in fear of making a complete idiot of myself, the social protocol you have to adopt and I just hate small talk. That is why I am dreading this guy contacting me after so long, I don't want to meet up with him, not after 18 years, I don't want to rake up the past, we have nothing in common, I just wish I could have said no to him, but I get all panicky and no one seems to fully comprehend just how uncomfortable socializing is.
@cvodrey (225)
• United States
25 Mar 13
It is common for mothers to talk to other mothers, but I can completely empathize with your circumstance. I'm the same way sometimes. I feel uncomfortable when people I don't know talk to me. But, here's the kicker, you came HERE to talk. This means there are things you like to talk about, but maybe you feel more confident in a forum that is not face-to-face. So, it's not that you do not enjoy communication, you just have a fear. If you want to get over the fear, you need to practice. This means opening yourself up to potential anxious encounters. It is called systematic-desensitization. It might actually help you get over your social anxiety. But, if your prefer a solitary life, move to the other side of the room. It's your choice. Neither of which makes you bad or strange. We are all different.
@whitneysquirrel (224)
• Philippines
26 Mar 13
I am comfortable sitting by myself, going to the bathroom by myself, eating at restaurants or cafes by myself, walking around by myself etcetera. When people approach me to talk, I feel uncomfortable but I force myself to be polite and try to listen, make small talk too but don't really share a lot about myself. But that's me, and I understand that other people are different. They love to socialize, make small talk and share their lives and problems to complete strangers. And I appreciate this, but only if it's sincere and I want to keep an open mind that I may make true friends through chance encounters. I don't appreciate it when they seem forceful, want to be instant friends or just feel the urgent need to talk all the time. I hope you don't have to force yourself to talk to people. I know I would appreciate it more if people sincerely want to talk and not just because they feel they have to.
