Trying to square off obligations by way of monetary gifts

It depends on how that gift is given. Normally when on receives a favour a gift is given in gratitude and not to square up the favour done. There is a huge difference between gratitude and squaring up a favour.

I think a lot of people really do feel they need to 'square' for help given. a good word in the way of a card or a gift card where they can get what they wish is much nicer. Feeling obligated a lot of times is in the mind of the person and not necessarily the actual case.

Giving money is something done out of goodwill and not necessary to square off obligations. Mom has the habit of giving money to anyone that touches her heart. When we went out to buy flower pots the other day she saw the owner's cute baby with her nanny, she quickly dipped her hand in her handbag and gave the baby money to the surprise of the boss, the baby's mother. The nanny then whispered to me 'why she give the baby money as the mother is rich." Well she has been giving monetary gifts without seasons.

Hello kalav, First of all when I read this I had just got up and I thought monetary gifts? Have I ever had them given to me in the sense of squaring off obligations. I can tell you I have walked around the house while I was cleaning up a little first of all I thought no or maybe. Second I have yes I have had money given to me and others things given to me by others to square off what others might have thought of as "obligations" and I can tell you it was not nice either at all. But seeing as I had to learn to live with it and I don´t really want to mention it here as there have been several times this has happened to me and its too personal to write about but to thank you for mentioning this as I have covered it up with layers of I don´t know what so as not to think about it. Its something I should really work on. With time the hurt has subsided much but the intention of the others is still there like a thorn from a rose. Those several times have happened to me at my most vulnerable times in life so I think it hurt more than what it should have done although I am very resilient hurt can get through I am just like any other. Like I mention its way too personal too mention but I can identify totally with what you are saying even if I don´t express it that clearly because its again something very personal to me that is the reason why I never write freely about this kind of feeling. I would rather try to help someone if they need help instead of giving them money but sometimes I feel that if people need money say for food then money for that and other things like a roof over your head and clothes its not that bad. Perhaps its where I come from where money was not given like that instead you had to give them the money in the sense of obligations like work to do round the house that kind of thing. Could also be that perhaps I am the only one that I know that thinks of other people first. Well if I carry on writing about those whom I know it would not really be fair but they would do this kind of thing square things off but not with money but with other things. Way too long to explain that so I have put it the best way I can. Wonderfully profound discussion kalav it certainly got me thinking a lot but hey I am feeling quite positive.xxx

kala let me share my experience, when i was bed ridden for a long time wearing a neck to toe plaster cast in 1986, my friends, relatives gradually stopped visiting me, this was natural of course, but one thing sucked me, a very close friend told me that xyz..were discussing that Bhuwan may become totally invalid and lose his job, he may ask for money, so better not to visit him; just imagine how i felt. Another thing till today i have never taken any obligation from any one, not even my sons, suppose you send a gift to me on some occasion; i will gladly accept it, but i repay in some other form. If some one asks for money as loan, i deny straight.

I have often told my children to try to help out their grandparents as much as they can most especially not that the folks do not have a helper at home. Actually, my mother in law has been sick for the past two weeks. And so I tell my two sons to come and visit them and do things that they have to in their house. And I have clearly told them that the help they extend should be out of love and they should not expect anything in return. But sometimes my in laws defy what I teach my kids. Coz they hand them money after.

It depends. If a monetary gift would help the receiver, I'm sure it would be appreciated in lieu of help rendered. But usually this formality is not expressed within close friends and relatives. I've seen a friend's mom who thinks her friend has good choice in selection of clothes. The mother takes her along when she goes shopping and buys her a small gift as return. I have seen the look on the friend's face and know that she feels humiliated by it. There is no sincerity in it. A neighbour of mine visits her flat for a few days twice every year. Each time she comes, another neighbour and I willingly help her to get things done. When she leaves, she gives us packets of used pencils (she works at an international school abroad) and sometimes chocolates (she feels we've never seen or had chocolates from abroad...though I know these are the cheaper variety....not that expensive chocolates would help. Feels like she is buying us off with the gifts).

Hi kalav, I am happy to have few good friends who don't expect anything in return for their timely help given to me. And so far i haven't given them any gifts or other personal favors (other than thankfulness for their timely help). I have seen people who help when needed but keep on doing a publicity about their offered help, which sort is too unappreciable.

Hi, Some people try to show gratitude by giving gifts for the help. We feel some obligatory by this because we don't expect anything for our help. But we should not feel bad for the gift. Because the intention of the person giving gift is also genuine.