I'm really stressed out right now - my heart is flipping

United States
April 1, 2013 5:03pm CST
Please note that I am just talking here. I'm not looking for help. It's stuff I deal with on a regular basis. My daughter has DID and she has been on a roll now for the entire day. She asked her husband to take her to this tattoo shop where she could ask about nose piercing. She looked and found a pink diamond stud for a nose stud. She wanted it because her Aunt J has one. She wants it to match her pink hair. So they go. She decided she wanted it today. Her husband said wait till Friday. Friday is when he gets paid. All in all it would cost $50 to get the piercing and nose stud. It's not a real diamond, I'm sure. So husband tells her no. Then she says: Her: I have to tell you something Him: what do you want to tell me Her: I love you but I'm not happy Him: what will make you happy Her: getting my nose piercing today So that went over like a lead balloon. They come home and she asks if I will pay for it. I tell her I can't. And she is still in her 12 year old personality. I'm getting so stressed out and I tell her she is acting like a spoiled brat. That she doesn't have to lift a finger to get a job to pay a bill around here. We exchange words: Me: why are you in your room pouting? Her: I want my nose pierced! Me: quit acting like a spoiled brat. Her: get off my effen back! Me: you really deserve a nose ring the way you're acting! (Sarcasm) Her: shut the hell up! Get off my effen back! I came in here to calm down. Then she gets up and goes to living room with hubby. Then I am summoned to join them. I go out there and sit down. She apologizes but says she still wants her nose piercing. I wait until she gets done talking and I tell her that I am not using my money to get her a nose ring. I said that this is just a want of that particular personality. Once that personality goes back inside she will not want the nose stud anymore and it will be $50 down the toilet. I said I'm not doing it. And I said if S pays to get it done for you and then you take it out and decide you don't want it, I'm going to be pizzed off at you, and I know S will be ticked off too. I said: You are fractured. This is your 12 year old personality wanting this. You need to get your adult self in control so that when I tell you know or S tells you no that you will suck it up and deal with it. I also told her its going to hurt pretty bad because its going through the cartilage there in the nose. So she changes her mind and rethinks it. Then 30 minutes later and decides she wants it again. I live with my daughter who has dissociative identity disorder. You never know which person you are talking to. Well, I do because I'm used to it. It's an illness. There is no medicine for it. Her insurance does not pay for hypnotherapy to try and bring all the personalities together. It's never dull! If you have a mental illness or if you live with someone who has one and you get stressed out, and you want to share, feel free to.
5 people like this
15 responses
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
2 Apr 13
I actually can relate to this as one of my daughters does have something going on. It has not been diagnosed although she has been tested for bi-polar, ADD, anxiety etc. It is none of those and yet we go through similar situations. Just as I read this I was heading out to cool down myself. I don't even want to go into details but sometimes it is really hard to just be here with her. And an hour later she will be the sweetest person in the world. I don't know...I just leave and go for a ride when it gets like this.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
2 Apr 13
you could be right, Pq. She has something going on and I've noticed it since she was about 4 yrs old and while the doctors will say there is nothing....even she will tell you there is "something". Tonite was a bad nite. I think we logged in at about the same time here with this. She has gone to give her boyfriend a ride to work and I got an appologetic text from her. I feel bad for her as I know she doesnt mean to act this way and it only serves to make her feel worse about herself. I can almost bet that when she returns, she will be back to being her sweet self and will feel really bad about how she talked earlier. When she is in one of these moods then I am usually the one that she lashes out on
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 13
It's really tough to cope sometimes Sid. You just have to know the sun comes up in the morning and it will be a new day. Today my daughter is fine and she is taking care if me. I'm having breathing issues. EMTs came out here to check me and hook me up to the monitor and ran a strip on me. My sugar was 85 which is good. They said it was my disease (COPD) that is giving me issues. And they said I am sleep deprived and that causes stress.
• United States
2 Apr 13
I bet you she has a personality disorder. I have fractured personality disorder but can't be treated anymore cuz I can't pay the copay and keep my other specialists too. My daughter has DID which is much worse than what I have. Now my daughter has crashed into her real self and doesn't want the pink hair or the nose ring. Now she is really down. She needs hospitalization but neither she or her husband want her to go. She sees her psyc on Wednesday so I hope they will tell him what is going on.
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
1 Apr 13
You stated emphatically that you didn't want any advice so I am not going to offer any. I can appreciate the fact that sometimes we just need to be able to tell someone what is going on in our lives and have them listen. I will say that you do seem to have your hands full though. Reading this has actually been a big help for me. It has brought to my attention the fact that no matter how bad I think my life is there is always someone else who has problems just as bad if not worse than I do. It made me take stock of my life and give thanks for the things that are going right.
2 people like this
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
2 Apr 13
It seems that one of the ways you cope is your ability to speak so frankly about these problems. This is an ability I am trying to cultivate. I have found that sharing my feelings with others helps me manage them. It is a very good coping mechanism.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 13
I should clarify, those bad ones don't harm her anymore. They just throw out expensive jewelry. So she hurts her husband by throwing away wedding rings. She now has inexpensive Walmart rings for that reason. She went through 5 sets of wedding rings.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
1 Apr 13
I actually have BPD, borderline personality disorder which was a label one of my psychiatrists gave me, and my ex had aggressive mood swings and dyspraxia which made them angry and if you put the two together, BDP and dyspraxia, well it certainly wasn't a winning combination. We used to fight so much, the aggression was raw in both of us, both of using ammo, information we knew about the other against each other, it was me who actually started throwing stuff around in frustration, because my ex became this 12 year old, it was worse in public, and embarrassing too, and because they were irish, they had a fiery temper and was very very loud! Swearing when we were going shopping, it was a total nightmare. I didn't help being passive aggressive, again the two mixed like oil and water. So I can fully understand the stress you have to go through, no one really knows the full story unless they have lived someone with a mental illness or have a mental illness themselves.
• United States
1 Apr 13
I remember all the stuff you went to when you and I were friends in my other life here. I felt so bad for you, but I also felt proud for you for making it out if that relationship and working on yourself. You started going to the gym and I think it helped you a lot. I have fractured personality disorder which is not as serious as DID. I have a little girl in me that is about 6 years old. I also have one a out 4 years old. They are precocious and fun. They are coping mechanisms.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160883)
• United States
1 Apr 13
It must be rough. . . did you not say that you also suffer from this? I sometimes wonder if that is a problem my 20 year old niece might have. Of course from my great niece it may just be that she is spoiled. I do not think my kids ever had this kind of personality. I guess you just take a deep breath and hold on.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Apr 13
Yes I do have it but to a lesser degree. Mine is called Fractured Personality Disorder. I wrote a poem called Shattered Mirror on Yahoo Voices a few years ago that describes what it is like for me. I am like a broken mirror and every shard bears a different reflection of me. It's like that on steroids for my daughter. She has some bad ones that have hurt her over the years. She broke her hand one, broke her wrist another. One was with a hammer and the other was with a sledge hammer. She cut both her arms up deep down into the white shiny connective tissue. She would get stitched up and in a a week it two she would take the stitches out. We had to lock up all the knives. We don't now. She doesn't do that now. ***taking a deep breath***
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Apr 13
I take it that your ex-husband was abusive toward your daughter or that she experienced other trauma early on. There are treatments available. While dissociative identity disorder cannot be cured, your daughter does not have to go without help. There are medications that can help with the depression or anxiety that she may struggle with due to DID.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 13
Yes to the abuse. Yes to medication. Her doctor has her balanced so that she is 90 percent better than before. She had some mean personalities that actually cut deep into her arms into the white shiny stuff. And she broke her hand a few years ago with a hammer. She broke her wrist another time with a sledge hammer. She doesn't do any of that now. Life is GOOD compared to before. She is as good as she is going to get.
1 person likes this
• Valdosta, Georgia
1 Apr 13
Wow, I have never seen anyone with this kind of disorder...That must be tough to deal with on a daily basis. I don't know anyone with a mental disorder except for my aunt, she is really bipolar! But now I shouldn't have to deal with her anymore since she moved out of my parents house...
2 people like this
• United States
1 Apr 13
It's good she moved. Maybe there will be times when you visit your parents if you want to. I have what my daughter has but to a much lesser degree. I got little kids in me. So I'm fun to be around. my daughter can be hell on wheels. I love her though. She is sweet when she is not in some other persona.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Apr 13
yes I know it is hard, and you know my situation, you did the right thing I am proud of you and glad she decided she doesn't want it anymore. As for me, that part of my life remains private. I share it with you but I am not putting it on mylot.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
3 Apr 13
it is not about who knows me on mylot, I am a person of principal and I live by what I believe. You have heard me say that I don't think that people should air out their dirty laundry on the Internet for the world to see. And I don't do it either. Certain things remain private for me. My son, and Matt are not topics I talk much about because I know they don't like it. If I talk about them it is for good reasons that would not upset them if they saw my writing here. For example Matt doesn't mind if I tell people about his accident and subsequent deformity. T doesn't mind if I say things about him and M as long as I only name them by their initials and so on.
• United States
2 Apr 13
I probably shouldn't say anything either but no one really knows me personally but a few people like you and Ritter. Yes I know your situation and I respect your choice to remain quiet about it.
@AmbiePam (93740)
• United States
2 Apr 13
Wow. Does it run in the family? I think you said something about your experiences one time? Does medication and therapy not help her? I can't imagine living with someone who can turn into a spoiled brat in a matter of seconds.
@BarBaraPrz (47619)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
2 Apr 13
I guess it doesn't help matters any when S starts acting like a 12 year old, too. When did she first exhibit symptoms? The reason I ask is I'm curious which personality got married.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 13
It's been going on long before she married.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Apr 13
if only you could get help for her. shes still young enough to possibley help. my 3rd husband was like that. the kids never understood. most of them were teens at least. I had to be with him about all the time to control it. because at times he would turn into a child also. and it was like i was his mother and was the only one to calm him. after about 6 yrs though he seldom changed like that. he had it pretty well controled with meds. but then after 12 yrs. of dealing with him, i thought he loved me and would never stray. i found him with a young girl, 18yrs old. he was 47yrs! i forgave him but not 8 mths later when he was fooling with a 19yrs. i just couldnt take any more after all we had been through. anyway, one time we went from yuma where we lived over the border to mexico. we did it all the time cause you could buy things cheaper over there. then, this one time though, he put up a fuss when we crossing back over. didnt want to show his ID. they about arrested him. i had to take them aside and show them papers i carried on me at all times the doctor had given me and they finally let us back in the usa! never went back there with him again. uuuuggghh! his mother warned me not to marry him but we were in love at the time. dumb things we do for love. lol so yes i know how hard that is to deal with.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
2 Apr 13
Wow! That is extreme to live with. I can only imagine what you have lived through raising your daughter and what you are still going through. Kuddo's to you and to your son-in-law. It is a shame that insurance will not pay for the therapy that she needs. Perhaps one day (if the government ever figures out what it is doing) we will have affordable insurance here in the US that covers what we need. Hang in there and prayers for your and your family.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
10 Apr 13
I seriously doubt it as well PointlessQuestions! We looked into getting insurance at hubby's work and they wanted over $700 a month to pay for the insurance with a $10,000 deductible.... I mean honestly? If I am going to pay that much per month I really cannot afford to pay that high of a deductible.... Good luck with everything.
• United States
2 Apr 13
I doubt we will ever have real affordable insurance, with affordable copays. I have to pay $40 to see a specialist. I had three specialists but had to drop one and just not get the treatment I need for the copay.
@allknowing (137553)
• India
2 Apr 13
My friend's daughter had a bad marriage that lasted only a few days and that triggered her schizophrenia which as you know is an unpredictable personality. My friend had a bad time with her. She was given the shock treatment and put on medicine but there was misery in full measure. She requested me if I could take her for a while which I did. She stayed with me for 6 months but her odd behaviour made me very uncomfortable. I could not handle her.In the meanwhile I made some enquiries about some half way homes that take care of such cases. I found one. We sent her there. She stayed there for a year. Now she is back with her mother, having a job and managing her life well. She has to be on pills rest of her life.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 13
Hi Allknowing. It can be difficult to deal with for sure.
• Indonesia
6 Apr 13
I've never heard about someone close to me have multiple personality disorder. It's kind of unbelieavable to read someone has it maybe simply because I've never known anyone with it my entire lives. Even though I have a friend who is childish, but she's just childish and a little spoiled not because she's has multiple personality disorder. It must be tough to live with someone who have it. It is good that you know that it's her other personality. Do you know if she has a different name for each personality?
• Singapore
2 Apr 13
Show her a picture of a buffalo being pulled along by its nose ring. Tell her you will pay for it if you can be the one pulling the rope.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Apr 13
Not that kind. Really it was just a stud on the side if her nose.
@emily7339 (1337)
• Malaysia
2 Apr 13
I am sorry to hear about your daughter's sickness. It is good that you are able to deal with her through your over the years experience. Even though you may be able to contain her but I believe it will be tough. That is why you are also being stressed out. I am fortunate that I do not have any family members that I know of with mental illness. Sometimes I may feel a bit down with my life but I am thankful to God that I am having a much better life than some. So, I am contented with what I have and who I am. Have a nice day!