Boyfriend will visit soon..I don't think his mom is happy about where he'll stay

I'm sure she misses him, I know I definitely miss him everyday. If he wants to stay at my house I'm more than happy to have him. I wouldn't mind if he just wanted to spend time with his family without me there, but that's not the case and he even told me he didn't want me to leave and that he wanted to be with everyone at the same time. I did think it was a bit rude, the dad made my boyfriend tell me I couldn't stay and then when I was crying my eyes out his mom basically came outside said I was being childish, and was really rude to me. This time my boyfriend said it won't happen and if they make me leave, he'll just leave with me. I used to not mind his family and Igot along well with his mom but I'm starting to really not like how controlling his parents are about everything. When he visits I know I'll be around his family and I just keep my mouth shut for the most part. I talk a little to his mom but I never make conversation with the dad because he's such an awful person. I'm a bit nervous about my boyfriend's visit and I really hope it doesn't turn out like last time

I hope everything gets better for you.

That seems like a similar situation to mine. My mom likes my boyfriend a lot but she's worried that if we stay together then his parents will end up controlling the both of us and my mom would hate for that to happen. I think he's finally starting to realize that he needs to stick up for himself and also me a little more. I talk to him about how I feel about what his parents sometimes do to us and I tell him I don't want it to be like that forever and he says that it won't be like that. I'm hoping he's right and his visit coming up will tell me a lot.

We've been together 3 years and his mom knows that he wants to get married to me and I think his dad knows as well. Before his last visit I was always allowed at the house even during holidays and his mom told me I was like a second daughter and said I was part of the family. So I was really confused when things changed and they made me leave. His mom didn't do anything to try and stop the dad from making me leave. There's a lot more to the situation with his dad and that's where a lot of my frustration comes from. And of course I was a bit annoyed with my boyfriend for not sticking up for himself or me because he's so worried about getting his dad mad. I think now my boyfriend is starting to realize that things shouldn't be like this and that his parents shouldn't have to dictate everything. Now that he technically has moved out of the house, I don't think he should be made to do yardwork all day when he's here to visit for a short time after being gone about 7 months. To me, that's just not what you do to your kid. His parents are very frustrating to me and it really puts a strain on the relationship. I keep asking him if this visit will be better and if he will do everything his mom says. I've already told him (nicely) that I won't be with someone who is so controlled by their parents. I don't want to have to listen to what his parents say for the rest of my life and I don't want them telling us what we should do. I used to have a good relationship with his mom but lately we haven't. Things are a bit complicated because his parents are separated and the dad lives with someone else, yet he still comes to the house (he still pays for it) and he bosses the kids around, yells at them and the mom, and will also try to hug and kiss the mom even though he's a complete jerk. Meanwhile, I know exactly where and who he's living with and it's not some bachelor. The mom knows he is with all these women yet she still tries to get him back. He's the most awful person I've ever met because he's so rude and I'm just so tired of being around him and seeing the mom trying to win him back even though she talks bad about him when he's not around. It's very frustrating and I hate being around them because my boyfriend and I will get caught in the middle. I know he wants to get married but I'm going to have to see a major change in the way he handles his parents because I don't want to be under his parents thumb the rest of my life. I'll try talking to my boyfriend and i'm keeping my fingers crossed things will get better!

Ughhh, what a mess, courtknee :( Just like you, I would hate to be in the middle of all that. It sounds like there are some real control issues all the way around. The dad lives with someone else but still shows up and tries to run the show? He may still be paying for the house but that doesn't buy love and affection. Sounds like the mom has no self-esteem if she is trying to "win back" a man who treats her that way... he's no "prize" Given that you've explained all the sides of the situation this way, it sounds like the father made you leave the house "just because he can." From what you said, it sounds like everyone is afraid of the father... afraid to make him mad. Is he physically abusive or does he only yell and push his weight around at this point? If he tries to hug and kiss the mother, when he's living with someone else now, there are some very serious problems there. He's a bully, for sure. It's unfortunate but the burden here falls on your boyfriend. He's probably going to have to stay away from them and he's going to have to tell them that, unless and until they resolve the family situation, he won't be going back or bringing you into it all. They need to get their house in order in a serious way. I presume your boyfriend is saving his money now to establish himself independent of his parents?

It really is a mess. The man is absolutely sickening and I think he's an awful person. Everyone walks on eggshells around him because anything could get him mad. From what I've seen he's just verbally abusive to everyone. I think that the reason he still tries to kiss and hug the mom is because he doesn't want her to be with another guy. The mom doesn't know he lives with that woman but she has seen his cell phone messages where he's messaging all these women saying I love you and sending them nasty pictures. What frustrates me is why she continues to let this happen and she doesn't try to stand up for her kids, she merely accepts his anger and tries so hard to win him back even though she dreads when he comes over. When he's out of the army I know my boyfriend will live on his own and if anything, he'd stay at their house for a short period of time until he found a place of his own. He's even mentioned him and I getting a place and living. But I know him and I know that when he visits, he's so obedient to his parents that he'll do what they. He'll try to stick up for himself but when he doesn't win he just accepts whatever they say. That's what kind of annoys me and it's something I've been trying to get him to understand. It's good to respect his parents but he also needs to be his own person and do what he wants.

His dad has been strict on him his whole life and I think my boyfriend is finally realizing what needs to be done because it will affect the relationship he has with me. I think that deciding to stay with me while he visits will be like a first step towards showing his parents they can no longer control him.

That's exactly what I think. He lives away from home so I don't see why he has to do chores like that. Also, he's in the army and we don't even get to see him so visiting is like a vacation to him and I don't think he should do chores. I could sort of understand if he lived nearby and his mom would ask him to help with something at the house, but not cleaning or doing stupid things. Now I'm not so sure he'll even be visiting in May...

I think he's finally starting to realize he needs to put his foot down now. I'm really hoping he does and that when he visits, he doesn't let his parents control what he does with his time. I have no problems with my boyfriend seeing his family, and I won't have any problems either as long as they don't start with their controlling ways. This visit coming up kind of worries me but I'm hoping my boyfriend will finally stand up for himself and his mom especially will realize she can't always tell him what to do. From what I see, she still sees him as a little boy even though he's 20 and she still wants him to be like a baby. If my boyfriend is cuddling with me, scratching my back, or playing with my hair, his mom will say something like "Aw Josh, come play with my hair". To me, I find it a little weird for a son to do and luckily he doesn't give in. I think she just needs to see that he's growing up, living away from home, and she can't run his life like she used to. If it continues, it will be my relationship with my boyfriend that will suffer because I don't want to get married and have his parents control everything.