Heart breaking words from my Mother
By fearlessgara
@fearlessgara (1113)
Philippines
April 12, 2013 8:56am CST
we have a fight this afternoon She is overreacting to simple words which I don't have meaning but later she understand she just mis Understood me.But the pain in the word that she said to me really strikes in to my heart She scold me. said 'I've never been a mother to my daughter. for she is the one who took care of my daughter.'
My mother is the one who took care of my daughter I moved to subic. Because I am forced to find a job to provide for my daughter's need. No one will provide her except me if I didn't work what will happen to her? no one will provide her milk clothing, foods , education and basic needs.
Is not that only taking care of daughter is the basis of being a mother? How can I perform the 2 things if I need to work hard everyday and work 14 to 16 hours a day to provide to her all for my salary will not be enough and only overtime pay is a must for me to work for long hours to give her what she needs.
Whose mother want to work hard for others???? Whose mother don't want to take care of her daughter always? If only I have stable life I will rather sit and be with my daughter watching tv with her going out with her.
I go out with her during my day off. before Haven't they know how is it hard to be seperate to my daughter.Everyday in my work I always think of her. when we saw each other and then back to subic. it always breaks my heart. but I didn't show this .
Why my mother don't understand this. Now I lose job I went here in manila to be with her. only online job is my basis and low income Now I am looking for a job outside to provide her for it is her schooling again.
Then she will tell me all this. If I wasn't able to took care of my daughter. because I dont' have choice they can't provide my daughter's needs for they are also needy. why can't she understand this. SHE scold me that all my neighbors possibly hear what she said and they will think I am a bad mother.
I've never go for a hang out. I wear cheap clothes . but I always keep my daughter to buy original and printed clothes. I didn't go for hang out. when I work and o.t I sleep even during dayoff. if there is chance as long as my body can I do still work. I work hard not my own benefit but for her. Now she will say I've never been a mother. . If it's still reasonable what I have is that because I have no choice. I need it to do it for her. I need to provide her good living for it is my obligation to as a mother. It really hurt and makes my angry everytime that i remember that words, for she never open her mind to understand me, she is a mother why can't she understand me??
Haven't she know that during my childhood she also don't take care of me it's my grandmother and my aunt who take care for me for she goes to work. she is much worse than me for she go for hangout with her friend for tournament. but me.. only work and home. why don't she look at herself first before she told me that.
she is always like that. she always say bad words that really really strikes in my veins. sometimes she hurt me physically. I know because I can't give her money . for my earnings is only sufficient for my daughter.
1 person likes this
18 responses
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
Sorry to hear you had words. I want to remind you one thing. Its because of our mothers we are her eon this great earth...
@fearlessgara (1113)
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
thanks.we can choose friends we can pray for God to have a good husband and wife. But we cannot pray to choose our parents for it is God who appointed them to be our parents or mother.that is what I always stick on my mind.that everything has it's own reason and He have perfect reason for everything He made.and that's is why I avoid comparing my mother to others due to that belief.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
15 Apr 13
Amen, we have a saying here in Mexico. We can find friend son every corner. But we cant find family there.
@RandomnessPrincessx3 (280)
• United States
12 Apr 13
It's hard to hear what your mother said to you. I'm assuming you're a single parent? That's where I'm at. I had to find whatever income I could for my son, and I had my parents babysitting while I worked out of home and they took half my check for babysitting. During times I was unemployed they help me support my son, and then I found out I could work online. Yes it's low pay but i'm on here and other sites all the time making what I can because the cost of even my parents watching my son while I work is expensive. Everything I make goes to him. I get all my clothes hand me down and go without to make sure he has things, and I buy his stuff brand new. I just spent $50 on skateboard shoes because he's into skateboarding now. I'm glad to go without just to see him smile. I understand where you are. It's hard. And everything you're doing, you're doing it for your child. I've had it blown up in my face by my parents because we're living with them still. They don't think im a "good mother" and "supporting my son" because I dont have my own place. I did a few years back. But being a single mom, I couldn't manage everything on my own. I asked to move back in because rent was too much for me on top of every day expenses. I clean house for my parents in place of rent now, and don't tell them my income so they don't try to snag it. I don't mind helping, but they're not needy. My mother alone makes like $17 an hour working full time. Just hang in there. You're doing your best, and your daughter will appreciate everything you do for her.
@fearlessgara (1113)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
thanks for sharing yours too and for inspiring words and understanding.
@marguicha (223001)
• Chile
15 Apr 13
Don`t be so hard on yourself and try not to listed to your mother`s scoldings. Still, I could help reading that you bought cheap clothes for yourself and the best for your child. A mother`s love has nothing to do with good clothing. And probably, if you bought less clothes for her, you would be able to work less and have more timne for her.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
Maybe you should talk to your mother when both of you have calmed down. Let her realize the sacrifices that you have made for your daughter. Maybe she is still holding a grudge over you being a single parent. I know that it hurts her more thinking that you are doing all these things for your daughter.
@DHADHU128 (85)
• India
12 Apr 13
It is so sad for woman facing these problems, is it safe for you depending on online jobs to feed you and your child?better make it part time and search for a full time job outside, please learn from your experiences and give a better life for your child because she is a girl and it is very hard for a girl to survive happily in this crap world. save her, u look very innocent even though u don't agree, sorry for that. can I know what kind of online jobs are u doing. if u r interested in typing go to pixprofit.com or pixtyper.com,megatypers,protypers and type u can earn a handful income if u work hard. if u already knew that pls ignore,pls contact me for guidance if needed. I suggest you to stay calm and be positive and don't break out. even your mother cares about u thats why she shouted on u, money is the main problem here, don't break up with your mother. hope u understand
@fearlessgara (1113)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
thanks for your suggestion .YeS, I am working with pixprofit for 2 years now it's one of my main source of income. Although its is become slower and slower this month.It's not that innocent but honestly sometimes I loose confidence finding a good job for here in the philippines once you reach 30 it will be difficult to find a job. age limit is the big issue here.
@momstercraft (47)
•
13 Apr 13
sorry to hear that. But what can I say is- She still your mother no matter what happen, and you should forgive her and understand that maybe she acts like that because she wants to see the best for you and your child I Know that feeling too, hearing those kinds of words from your mother is really painful.
Sometimes my mom scold me about household issue, I do everything I can do to serve them and at the same time taking care of my child, it's really hard for me to do it at the same time, doing all together as a daughter, mother, sibling, and a wife. It gives me a lot of pressure, there's a time that my mom told me not good words like "inday" my older sister say "yaya" just because I totally put my effort to help them in our house, I also heard those words like "fool" and "stupid"- in tagalog and it's really painful because my love ones said that to me.
But you know what? I already overcome this kind of issue. When I became christian I also understand everything. I just always pray for them whenever it happens and I'm asking for God's love, patience, comfort and to come upon me everyday. Start your day by praying and asking to God for wisdom and He will not fail you.
Forgive, forgive and forgive, God says forgive and you will be forgiven, were not perfect and our parents too, try to think about some happy moments and good side of your mom that will reminds you how really loves you.
hope you will be okay:)
sorry for long post,just can't stop myself because it also happens to me and I want to help you.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Apr 13
I am sorry that you had words with your mother. If you could both communicqte better with each other and not assume that you know what the other on is thinking then things may be better. I do hope that you can work this out. Best of luck
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
i am a mother, too, of two grown-up children, ages 23 and 20. they were trained to express themselves. somehow, it is nice to look at your children (in a mother's point of view) being able to air what they think, and give their opinions to different matters. however, children sometimes forget that mothers (and fathers, too) can get hurt even with words that for the children are nothing. for me, the way words are said, the tone, or the manner, they were expressed, could add up to the message the child wants to impart. that is why, mothers get hurt.
i am just citing an example, and your story could be a different one.
suffice it to say that most mothers would not want to hurt their children. some mothers, too, lack the ability to say what is really in their hearts, and are manifested in ways that the children do not understand.
i hope things will be better. please be thankful that she's there for your daughter.
i am just citing an example, and your story could be a different one.
suffice it to say that most mothers would not want to hurt their children. some mothers, too, lack the ability to say what is really in their hearts, and are manifested in ways that the children do not understand.
i hope things will be better. please be thankful that she's there for your daughter.
@velvet53 (22534)
• Palisade, Colorado
13 Apr 13
I am so sorry to hear that things are not going well and that your mother says things that hurt you. It is important to work to provide for your daughter. At least you arent sitting around doing nothing. Some times people forget how they raised their own children but seem to always see faults in their daughter for some of the smallest things. Keep your chin up and definitely keep your faith. Something will come around for you so your life will be better.
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
My heart aches upon reading this , sometimes it is a compulsion why you leave your daughter to others care . A good mother doesn't want this to happen but sometimes this is the only choice she got so they will be able to survive. Just forgive your mom maybe she is just bored inside the house or maybe thinking of her so many responsibilities that she tends not be able to appreciate the things done by others . Though she is like that she still cares for your daughter that maybe enough to still respect and love her. Don't fight with mom , ignore her murmurs and blah blahs ! Keep on working , one day good Karma will be yours , believe me better life is ahead of you and your daughter. Do your best always ands God will do the rest !
@Laurenlynn (715)
• Canada
13 Apr 13
Hi fearless I am so sad to hear how sad you feel. I am sure your mother feels bad for making you feel bad it sounds like you are both tired and stressed out. Is the father not around to help you and your daughter? It is too bad you could not have a mother daughter day just you and your mom, go somewhere for lunch just the two of you. Just give each other a bit of time for now and I am sure this will get better soon.
@danix1982 (593)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
mom's are just like that they tend to tell something but don't really mean it, we just love our mother and sometimes we just misinterpret it. they just want the best for us and i know she really cares for u.
@lizziegee (297)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
I feel you. My mom and I have been having quarrels that some may dismiss as just petty fights, but the way she shouts at me lingers in my heart. It hurts so much that your own mother doesn't seem to care about your feelings and emotions. But of course, we should also look at things in their perspective. I am a mother, too. And I understand her more now. However, it would really be better if she keep calm and try not to lose her temper every time.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Apr 13
Your mother is probably tired and did not mean the words any more than you meant whatever you said to her. It is very hard to raise someone else's child. She is doing it though, right? She would probably prefer to be a grandmother but she is helping you because she does love you and she loves your daughter. Where is the father in all of this? shouldn't he be helping?
@kixsh101 (2105)
• Philippines
12 Apr 13
I know the pain that your going through is inevitable. Just pray and don't let the words that hurt you stay for too long. I know that your situation is isn't easy. Being a mother it's not always easy to choose between two things - but it is always 'for the sake of our child' that comes first. We need to prioritize things, and if it happens to me I will also do the same. I'll work real hard to give the needs of my daughter.
I know it is painful, but always look at the brighter side. Think why your mother have uttered those words? Maybe she doesn't mean the way it was said to you. Maybe she's also having a bad day, or 'may pinagdadanan lang'. . .
Sometimes we need to widen our thoughts to fully understand why it had happened. There is no point on blaming or pointing who is at fault. Focus your attention to your child, think of all the happy thoughts you had with your family, forget all the bad ones. The happy thoughts must always prevail for you to move on. Don't take the bitterness with you as you move on - for there will be no complete healing.
Everything will pass, pray harder and remember time heals all wounds.
At the end she is always be your mother - and you are always be a mother to your kid too.. The important thing is you are both there for each other - that how family should be.
Take the heed-God is always there. Just keep the faith!
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
12 Apr 13
Sad to hear about this. I wonder why your mother don't understand you. Each and every mother is having a lot of affection and care about their kids. But some persons don't have the ability to show it to their kids due to their work and other important reasons. Don't worry. As you mentioned you are in need to go to the job for money to your kids need. Surely your kid and mother will realize this. Be positive and achieve all your goals with your confidence.
@adonymousme (10)
• Philippines
12 Apr 13
Maybe your mother expected a lot from you. I assume that you are a single mom, nowhere to go and seeks help from your mother but she doesn't really understand what you need. you mentioned she scolds you and utter spiteful words loud enough for the neighbors to feast about. Then I think she is the loud type, try to approach her in a calm manner, just negotiate it's you that who needs her. And yeah even if you said your earnings are just enough for your daughters need, i'm sure you can spare a little to at least surprise treat your mom, it will soften her even a little. Just don't fight back let her be angry if she is angry, staying at home watching kids all day can also be a pressure to her, try to be more cheerful when you get home from work. Give a touch of humour in response to her ugly blows. GOODLUCK
