To Whom It May Concern....

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I am writing this not only for myself but for those that may not know what their addictions do to those around them. For those of you who may not know...let me tell you a little story. I was born and raised by an alcoholic mother. I say that not to be mean...but to give you the facts. Although I suffered at times....there is NO ONE in this town that can ever say they saw me dirty, or hungry or that my mother decided to give up and give me away (people were asking to take me as it was). That was NEVER the issue. But it also wasn't enough. I was always loved, cared for...and even spoiled having the newest sneaks and stuff- even with her on welfare and with an addiction. I was taught the streets before I even knew there was a difference. I was raised in a home with loving Aunts and cousins all around that cared enough and was blessed with friends that didn't fault me for my mothers faults...they just accepted me. And I truly hold them all dear to my heart and thank them all for that. They know who they are. In saying all that, my life was not peaches and cream either. There were times I couldn't find my mother when she went on her binges. There were christmas' that were tough. There was homelessness. There was fighting. There was drugs. There was gangs. There were many things as a young child I just couldn't comprehend. And only after seeking therapy as an adult did I know how extensive the damage to myself was because of all this. I am now an adult diagnosed with P.T.S.D and Adult Child of Alcohol Syndrome...whatever that means. Because of my childhood most of my memories are painful. I have flashback constantly of adult fights that happened in my youth. I have flashbacks of my mothers drinking. I have flashbacks of the fear I felt as a child ALL the time. I have problems trusting people- especially people drinking heavily. I have a fear of having children- and doing the same thing to them. I have commitment issues...because I never saw a true commitment be followed through. I have communication issues in my relationships. I fear true love. I've seen too much domestic abuse and am scared I may fall into the same category...which is why I choose to stay single most of the time. I say all this not to show you all my weaknessess, but raither to show you a world you may not have known otherwise. To show those out there that do drink heavily or drug heavily and have children- this is to show you the damage you are not only doing to yourself..but the future damage your children will endure. My mother is clean and sober now 23 years. I thank my higher power everyday that she came through this ordeal a better, stronger, more confident person whos mission in life has become to help those in need. She and I have made amends and she knows I forgive her. Because I know it wasn't the person she was...it was her circumstances that brought her down to that low level she once was at in her life. I love my mother like no other, and yes at times I have wished that my upbringing were different - or at least what the world deemed as normal. But here and now, at 37 years old I realize that everything in life has its purpose. And I wouldn't be so close to my mother today if we hadn't gone through such rough times - TOGETHER. But my personal issues still remain and I work on them everyday. I pray that those of you who took the time to read this will take heed and start realizing the huge impact your excesive drinking/drugging has on your children..... With that being said...my life is an open book...I have nothing to hide.....and I am ashamed of nothing. I am who I am because of my circumstances...and I am proud of me, even if I have daily personal chanllenges to overcome. If you took the time to read this...I thank you.