Punishment for being truthful!
By grvdubey11
@grvdubey11 (1879)
India
April 14, 2013 2:32pm CST
I came to know about a sad incident so decided to share.This happened with cousin of my close friend.She told me that her cousin's marriage was almost fixed but the guy backed off at the last minute.The reason as that this guy claimed that he is quite liberal and before marriage they should share everything with each other and be truthful.My friend's cousin trusted him and told him that she was in a serious relationship and she did get intimate with her boyfriend but the relationship was broken and she has moved on.After listening to this the so called liberal guy just backed off from marriage because he said that he is a virgin and so he wants a virgin girl as his wife.Parents of the girl are accusing her of doing stupidity.Was she right in being truthful? logic of the guy that he is virgin so his wife should be virgin too,was that correct?My personal opinion is that girl did the right thing , because the guy was fake and he was just faking that he is liberal and all that,if he didnt had the guts to hear the truth why he asked for it.Although there can be other ways to look at it too.
5 people like this
20 responses
@bird123 (10643)
• United States
14 Apr 13
The Truth will set you free!!! Let's think for a moment. True Love might leave but it won't stay gone long. If He doesn't come back, you never had true love to begin with. Further, true love is there to help one learn and grow through life. This does take conflict from time to time. I always say if you never ever fight with your love, you probably have the wrong one.
So relax, discover whether you have true love or not. If this isn't true love, know that your true love will be so much better than you could imagine. Never give up on true love. Sometimes it doesn't show up until later in life when we are ready. Always, Always be ready for true love for it shows up when we least expect it.
You did the right thing telling the truth. Never doubt yourself on that!!
2 people like this
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
May be she had the misconception that since he claimed that he is liberal and open minded, virgin or no virgin would not make any difference for him.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
I agree, being truthful is very important before getting into a relationship. In fact this is a rare quality because people pretend to be truthful most of the times.They make claims to please people and hide the true side of themselves.We should never compromise with our principles,it will involve some suffering and trouble but overall it will be beneficial in long run.The girl was truthful and not fake, but the guy did not have guts to take it though he claimed that he is open minded and all that.Thanks a lot for your response.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
That's right,the girl deserves a better man.Not someone who fakes that he is liberal and open minded when he actually is quite conservative and without any guts to take the truth.Thanks a lot for your response.
@warmweatherwoman (2233)
• Atlantic City, New Jersey
14 Apr 13
He probably didn't think part of her truth would of been that she was intimate in the past :( Sounds like a cultural thing and those habits are hard to break. Although I don't believe she should be judged for it...sounds like that is just what this guy did 
1 person likes this
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
I agree with you ,hiding the truth would have been convenient for the girl.May be she wanted to test the guy that in case he comes to know about her past from somewhere after marriage what will be his reaction then.Truth is what he asked for and he got exactly that.Its a conservative thinking and like you mentioned correctly, cultural thing.Thanks a lot fro your response.
1 person likes this
@offkey (313)
• United States
15 Apr 13
Am I the only one that thinks she should have been up front from the beginning? He asked her to be honest with him and she was, he wants to marry virgin he has that right that is his belief. He asked for Honesty and he got it, Sometimes the truth is too much for people. He couldn't handle, he made the best decision for himself. She's better off without him, they weren't a good match.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
Yes they were not made for each other.Also i agree that people don't have the guts to face the truth but they keep asking for it.If he really wanted her to be truthful then he should have respected her for that.Thanks a lot for for your response.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
I agree with you,just my opinion though but i think if he was really open minded he would have seen her qualities instead of judging her by her past.Anyways its his personal choice, people want to marry within their religion,caste,town,country,same way this guy wanted to marry a virgin girl.
@hushgal (57)
• Kenya
15 Apr 13
The guy just got disappointed the girl was not what he expected, i think its important she was honest to the guy, because if he came to discover later the damage would be greater. Its unfortunate that the guy had set his principles of which the girl did not have. He simply stood firm to his beliefs and was honest to himself.This hurt the girl but in the long run, its a blessing in disguise because had she lied and the truth came out later, the hurt would have been severe unlike now when she can easily move on.
1 person likes this
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
14 Apr 13
well i am so glad I do not live where I will be told who i will marry i think that it is just so wrong in so many ways how will you ever love the person if you have never spent any time with the person
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
Well full respect for your opinion,and i am also firm believer that system of love and then marriage is better but still i think its other system is not wrong. Although we can say that this system is not as good as system of love marriage.It all depends on the choice of two individuals,if they decide they can spend the life together after meeting few times then its fair, after all this is freedom of choice.Not everyone gets the surroundings where they have enough choices to to find a partner which will suit their nature and profession.We see this famous line called LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT,that means falling in love with the person at first sight without spending time with that person,its a strong possibility that some of these couples fall in love at first sight and they decide to marry.If two people fall in love just by spending time with each other then LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT theory is wrong too.Thanks a lot for your response.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
You are right,not everyone has the guts to face the truth although people pretend to be open minded and liberal. Thanks a lot for your response.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
24 Apr 13
Well better she found out what he was truly like before going through the marriage, personally speaking I'd say she had a lucky escape, at the end of the day she cannot blame herself, she was honest, she is not at fault here, if it's anyone's fault it's the guy's. Sometimes people want to hear the truth, but when it's given to them they just cannot handle it.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
24 Apr 13
That's right, and why be fake ,why pretend about being liberal and open minded.Actually the truth just exposed the guy,i feel whatever happened will be good for the girl in long run, she deserves a much better guy.Being truthful is a great quality to have ,although there are consequences of that.Thanks a lot for your response.
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
15 Apr 13
In my opinion your cousin is lucky that he backed out of it because she not found out that he is untrustworthy and not able to stick around and deal with whatever life gives him. Maybe she could have NOT told him but then she would be the one that felt guilty the whole marriage. It might not even had anything to do with whether him and her were virgins or not but maybe he was looking for a reason to get out of getting married and couldn't find a good enough reason until he heard that.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
Yes she is lucky , actually the guy was conservative although he was pretending to be open minded.She just exposed his true side intentionally or unintentionally. But what you have mentioned can be possible too,may be he just was trying to find a suitable excuse.Thanks a lot for your response.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
16 Apr 13
As hurtful as it may have been for him to break off their marriage, I think it may be a blessing in disguise. Real love is being able to be yourself 100% and still be loved...flaws and all. If this guy is willing to give her up for something she did in her past then he clearly did not really love her anyway. It's good that she found out prior to marrying him. In time she will see that.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
You are right , we learn with our experiences ,good or bad.Although i feel that it takes lots of guts to be truthful about you past for a girl of my country ,where there are lots of conservative guys .That is why i always feel that society as a whole should be open minded.People miss out on something great just because of their conservative principles.Thanks a lot for your response.
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
There are conservative guys like that. He is a virgin himself so he would naturally look for someone who is also a virgin. I think a guy who truly loves a woman should not ask too much about her past because this can only lead to friction and distrust.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
Yeah conservative guys like that who pretend to be open minded.I agree past should be ignored if the person has really moved on, because discussing that just makes things complex like you correctly mentioned.Thanks a lot for your response.
@dollar3235 (2062)
• India
15 Apr 13
Let me tell you something, that poor fellow is 100% Chew, didn't deserve this girl. I can tell you this girl has a big heart and the guy was coward. Whatever happened was good for the girl (that he backed off) but she should not change after this incident, she should understand that it's him who lost something precious and not this girl. 
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
Hi bro
I agree with you totally, what i feel is that guy was trying to present himself as a cool ,open minded and modern guy and when he faced the truth the conservative nature of him came out at once. Claiming that you are liberal and actually following it are two different things.You are right its a reward actually.Thanks a lot for your response.
@dollar3235 (2062)
• India
15 Apr 13
It's a reward of being truthful, it's good that he showed his character before marriage, it was a kind of litmus test for him and he showed his true colors. Kudos to the girl, she saved her own life.
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
16 Apr 13
Hi,
The behavior of your friend's cousin's boyfriend was very strange. He said that he is liberal but he could not accept the truth with open mind. That girl is very honest and she told the truth openly about her past relations. You are right.
He didn't have any guts to hear the truth and he was pretending as he is very liberal. It is good that that girl can know about that boy before marriage. She will get the partner which suits her as a reward for her honesty.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
Yes he was pretending to be liberal and then backed off.I agree about the girl ,she is honest and will be benefited in the long run.Thanks a lot for your response.
@daviskioko (11)
• Kenya
15 Apr 13
Its good to always tell the truth because telling lies may haunt you in future.the girl chose to be honest thats very commentable.if the guy expected her to be a virgin,then it is his right to do so.but nowadays its very hard to find a virgin girl.most of them will just lie only for you to find that she is not a virgin after marrying her.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
You are right,she could have lied that she is a virgin, just like he was pretending that he is an open minded person. Anyways he is free to make his choice like you mentioned correctly.Thanks a lot for your response.
@richa09pandey (115)
• India
15 Apr 13
see friend!!!! if that groom really loved that girl then he would not have left her. its good that she came to know about that guy before marriage.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
You are right, actually he wanted a virgin girl ,or should i say a girl who would pretend or lie that she is a virgin.Well she just exposed his true side successfully.
@ptrikha_2 (47100)
• India
15 Apr 13
Well, if the guy did not had so many guts, why in the first place did he tell this, that he is very liberal. If he had not told this, the girl too would not have told her truth. And even if such a thing happened he should have had the will and guts to accept it.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
Exactly, actually this is the problem with many people.In first meeting they will present themselves as if they are so much perfect,easy going, open minded and all that .But their true side comes up when they have to face the test that they really posses those qualities or not.Thanks a lot for your response.
@mammots (3209)
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
hello grvdubey11! i hate fakes!!! i hate persons who pretend to be who they really are not!!!
fake money and fake gold does not have any value at all so does a fake person. for me being honest was the best thing she ever did. it saved her from marrying a person who is not worth anything at all.
ps:
in my country being a virgin man is not something to be proud of
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
Hello mammots
Its very good to hate fake people,you are on the right track.One cannot claim that he is open minded and then reject someone for conservative principles.I agree that she was saved by getting into relationship with wrong person,so she actually did well by being truthful.I also believe that virginity is not a matter of pride,but people have strange principles.Thanks a lot for your response.
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
15 Apr 13
Perhaps she sees it as a punishment now but I think she should be happy not to get married to such a guy. This would for sure not be the only problem those two would have. BTW if it comes to being punished for being honest: most people who are honest are being punished by ... Just look around you and be honest.. nobody loves to hear the truth. Everybody is way too busy with his/her own feelings of being (so called) hurt). Even little children are told to be honest but if they do so, if they do say they broke something or did something the respond is Always an angry...
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
That's a good point, honesty and truthfulness is a good quality but it rewarded in very few cases,instead we get disappointment.Although in this case the girl will benefit in the long run,conservative people do not change ,they can sacrifice anyone for their principles.I agree she should actually be happy about it.Thanks a lot for your response.
@orlandofua (9)
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
Wow. He should be thankful that the girl had the confidence to tell him that she's not a virgin anymore. He should be ashamed of himself!
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
I agree with you actually he is a conservative guy pretending to be a open minded liberal.If he was really open minded he would have understood the situation better.Thanks a lot for you response.
@maxfashioned (188)
•
15 Apr 13
She dodged a bullet. Better she find out that he is a critical jerk who will demand everything be perfect , now she will not feel the pain of this later on. Just imagine living with this guy for years maybe even having children just to figure out he is a mega d-bag.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
16 Apr 13
Absolutely correct,the true side of the person comes up slowly and then you regret that you chose the wrong person.Luckily for that girl she came to know early how open minded that guy is.Thanks a lot for your response.
@joizee (502)
• Philippines
15 Apr 13
That is really inconsiderate of the guy. His purpose or idea of marriage is intimacy and measurement of virginity. He really didn't love the cousin's girl friend. I do have a story of a friend about truthfulness and love. Whenever she had a serious relationship she makes sure she can trust that person and be truthful to him. Her last boyfriend and currently her husband, she told him all her past relationship and how intimate they got with each other. I don't know if that guy got made, but knowing that they're married now proves that her past relationship didn't matter to him. I don't know who to quote but I believe that "your past can tell something about you but you can always change and have choices of who'll you be." :)
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
15 Apr 13
You are right,for some people past does not matter,they live in present.If the person has really moved on the past does not matter.What matter is qualities that person has.Its just that ,the guy was conservative,i really open minded guy would have understood, just my opinion though.Thanks a lot for your response.
1 person likes this
