Will you sacrifice to do the right thing?
By santuccie
@santuccie (3384)
United States
April 15, 2013 1:43pm CST
A really nifty woman contacted me on eHarmony, and we seem to have a lot in common. As we were going back and forth in the process of asking and answering questions, she provided her e-mail address and asked me to please contact her.
As an IT specialist, whenever I see a person putting themselves at serious risk in cyberspace, I feel it is my responsibility to let them know. So I did some quick research, and found her FaceBook profile, Twitter profile, LinkedIn profile, cell phone number, and home address. And although I made no mention of this part, I also discovered that she was a decent-looking woman who is vice president of a nationwide, realty group; and CEO of another group.
I wrote her back, leading with the disclaimer that I knew I was probably shooting myself in the foot and destroying my chances with her, but was trying to do the right thing by cautioning her about the danger of sharing personal information on the Internet. I told her that the minute amount of information she had just given me would be enough to have a would-be burglar, rapist, or killer at her door in minutes.
I then proceeded to show her everything I was able to locate simply by knowing her e-mail address and, with it, her last name; and being able to combine her last name with her first name, city, state, and age; which I already knew from eHarmony.
As I'd expected, I have not heard back since. I've heard the clichés about how love is letting go, and about how there are plenty more fish in the sea. I hate watching a good one get away, and am already kicking myself over it. Yet I feel that I did what I had to do for the safety of another, and would do it all over again. Any thoughts?
3 people like this
3 responses
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
5 Jan 16
I think you should have built a bit or relationship before hitting her with a bomb. You probably scared her.
2 people like this
@santuccie (3384)
• United States
5 Jan 16
I know I did. My concern was in case she started talking with someone other than me, and that someone had worse intentions.
2 people like this
@santuccie (3384)
• United States
5 Jan 16
@1hopefulman Thank you. And I'm over it; who can predict the fickle hand of fate? Of all the women I've met in my lifetime, among them were surely a number of potential matches, any of which might very well have been "the one" for me. But things happen, which cause other things not to happen. In the online dating world especially, we are dealing with perfect strangers, any of whom could be Jack the Ripper. Paranoia only makes sense, whether you are a man or a woman. Even I insisted on chatting online for awhile before meeting in person, and was always at the ready with that block button the first time somebody said anything that raised a flag. It's easy to laugh at and brush off a foot-in-mouth remark from someone you know, but much harder with someone you don't. With this kind of fumble, there's little chance of recovery; it's time to move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
Although I knew that I was cautioning this woman out of friendly concern, she had no way of knowing for sure. In addition, because she had small children still living with her, she had to look out for their well-being also. Anyhow, this was awhile ago, and I have a very happy relationship today. In fact, this coming Thursday is the anniversary of the day I first messaged her. 7 seems to be our lucky number: I sent my first message to her on January 7, 2015, we first met on February 7, and we made the relationship official on March 7. :)
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
5 Jan 16
@santuccie You might be better off without her as she didn't give you a chance. She misunderstood what you had done and just dropped you like a hot potato.
2 people like this
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
15 Apr 13
you should have told her, but maybe you should have done it when you two got more comfortable with each other. i still say you did the right thing by telling her. you will find someone else.
2 people like this
@santuccie (3384)
• United States
15 Apr 13
I was thinking the same thing, but other thoughts crossed my mind as well. I was thinking that she might be giving out her information elsewhere, and it was up to me to put a stop to it before she got seriously hurt or worse. Also, she stated in her profile how lying and keeping secrets are breaks for her, and I wanted to be upfront. Perhaps I would still have been able to patch things up afterward but, without ever having felt the initial shock of knowing she'd been compromised, she would probably claim that she would have responded differently.
Maybe she'll come back, but I think that even I might have a hard time going back to the person who gave me the shock of my life; for all she knows, I could be a seriously dangerous person. If not, I'm sure there will be another, but the one I was just talking to will be a tough act to follow. Thanks for your response!
@dgobucks226 (35716)
•
2 Jan
If one has a conscience, they do the right thing. Making someone aware of a situation that could be dangerous or harmful to them shows character, consideration and compassion. Traits one can be proud of and more important than messing up an opportunity for a date.
