Not All "Single Mothers" Are The Same.
@danishcanadian (28953)
Canada
April 16, 2013 10:40pm CST
OK, I'll admit it outright. I've only heard about Michelle Obama's comment, I did not actually hear the comment as she said it. However my husband, who reads more American news than I do, has heard it, and was able to give me some insight. Seems that it was as I thought it was.
Michelle Obama is getting a lot of backlash for her "I feel like a single mother" comment, mainly from people who feel she has too much money to feel like a single mother. Let's get this straight. Rich people can feel single too. This is what got my husband and I talking.
Walker has worked all over the world, and during previous marriages, his job kept him away from the family for up to a week at a time. Needless to say the mother of those children had a lot of work to do on the homefront, while Walker was off working.
20 years ago my mother and father broke up. They had joint custody, and we had plenty of visits with my father. Unfortunately they were not overly friendly to each other after the divorce. Mom was in great financial shape from child support from Dad, and from the income she made working two jobs. However, it was still a one-parent household. We didn't struggle, but my mother was still a single mother.
Nowl let's look at another chapter in my own family life. Around 18 years ago, my mother was nicely into a new relationship. Unfortunately Dave had a job that took him way up North for a work-week at a time, He only came home on weekends. Then he got another job where he had to fly to another province, and only came home every TWO weeks. To be fair, my step-dad was not our legal father, and no one would ever REPLACE my father, (when people refer to Dave as my "Dad" I correct them! I Love Dave, but only my DAD has the name DAD), but let's face it. Once again, my mother was in a "single partner" situation. Notice I said "single partner," as opposed to "single parent." They whethered the challenge, Dave got work closer to home, and now they're together for a great period of time every day of the week.
My Dad, step-dad, and husband, all had situations where they had growing children at home, who depended on their income. Now I'm an adult, and feel perfectly comfortable living in a very small income, because I don't feel like working my own butt off, or exploiting someone else, in order to give me a certain lifestyle. As a child I did not make the choice to live a somewhat privileged lifestyle. My parents made that for me. Now though, as an adult, I see that I can do just fine on a low income.
So now, the Obamas. Think about it! Even when he is in town, I bet Michelle and the girls only see him in the evenings. Anyone can imagine just how much work being the PRESIDENT really is!!! Think about this. In a nation that seems to prize family over anything else, the position of its leader does not leave much time for a family life.
The pooint of this is not whether or not I'm personally defending Michelle Obama, the point is that not all single mothers are single in the same way. Some struggle financially, some struggle emotionally. Some probably struggle in other ways that I have not yet thought about. Before jumping on a politician, consider the surrouncing context.
4 people like this
8 responses
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
17 Apr 13
I honestly think the whole thing is stupid and those people just wanted to complain. They obviously don't understand that money doesn't make someone not feel like a single parent.
If she feels like a single mom, then quite obviously her staff isn't raising her children regardless of if she has them. I am sure there are rich mothers out there whose staff don't raise their children and they feel like single mothers.
And you are right, regardless of income, they probably don't see him as often as they did before he became president because he is busy. Most of the people complaining think that being president is easy or at least act like they think it is easy. Or that he has all the time in the world to spend with family. Even on vacation, the president is ALWAYS on call. It is like being married to a doctor but on a much much larger and different scale.
I wouldn't call this a nation that prides itself on family. They just want to believe they are better than other countries in that regard.
@coffeebreak (17798)
• United States
18 Apr 13
But they both knew what being the president and wife of president entailed before they chose to make the choice. IT was their choice...don't complain to me about it. Plus...I notice she is only complaining about being a "single mother" when he is gone with president related trips...haven't heard her complain about being a "single mom" while he is on his MANY MANY golf outings, or when she and the girls went on vacation to Aspen CO, while he went to Florida to play golf with Tiger Woods. And I dont' hear her complaining about being a "single mom" while she and the kids are in hawaii and he is still in Washington. And when did being or becoming a "single mom" start to be a curse or something to be ashamed of? But I guarentee you this...when this "single mom's" kids become sick, they will get A+, free to them medical care. But when main street "single moms" kids get sick, they dont' get medical care cause they can't afford Health insurance on their low wage salaries or don't have a full time job that pays for their health insurance..thank you Obamacare. I guarentee you the Obama girls will NOT be on Obamacare health insurance. But other "single moms" will be without it all together. She is making being a "single mom" something trashy and something to be ashamed of.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Apr 13
I totally agree. When people in America think "single mom" they usually think of a woman with children who has never been married and has children from different fathers and is dirt poor. They don't think of the widows, the divorced moms. Or the moms, like Mrs. Obama and so many others, who essentially raise the kids with financial support but a father who is rarely there. Although they have the money (and have had for a long time) the money to pay for help, it still has to be difficult.
It's tough to raise children without a dad. When I was married my husband was away sometimes for weeks when our kids were very tiny. Two kids less than a year apart and there I am with enough money but isolated out in the country and no other adult around to keep me company or socialize with. It was hard sometimes, and when he came home he was a nice stranger to the kids. It was that way for years and years. The kids and their dad are just beginning to forge a relationship now that they are adults and I don't live close to the family (although I'm planning to move back).
Single mothers come in all types. I was not offended at Mrs. Obama's remark. I know just how she feels and shame on anyone who derides her for it.
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
17 Apr 13
I agree with your sentence not all Single Mothers are the same. Its not easy providing everything our child or children need to survive each day. Some mothers are working long hours at a job and others are providing child care to many children and their own. Its hard to be there every minute and so many Mothers feel they need to do more for their child or children. I worked when my first child was born, as needed the money to help pay the rent and household expenses that had to be paid. My second daughter I worked weekends and my husband would be with our daughter. It meant somebody was there for her all the time.
I think its hard to be the President's Wife, as he is gone a lot, so she doesn't see him like other people see their spouse. Its one job I wouldn't want and has to be hard on the daughters. I'm sure they wish Dad could be at their school events and its always hard for children to understand why Dad isn't available.
@coffeebreak (17798)
• United States
18 Apr 13
I think, like everything else in life these days, this is being disected to fight every situation with a mother and a child. She is NOT a single mother...they do have a father and he does help pay the rent. So he is not "home" every evening... I don't hear her complaining he is "not home" while he is on his golf outings with out them, nor did I hear her compaining that he wasn't in Aspen with them. Plus, I am sure there are nanny's and assistants that do all kinds of work for her that the average, run of the mill single mom does while doing all her other stuff but with the extra help...she can be with her kids more.
I have a problem when they talk about "working moms", refering to mothers who have a job outside the home. Do they realize what a full time mom really does? They are insinuating that a mother that doesn't have a job outside the home is just a "mom" while the mom with a job outside the home is so much more special! I think one works as much as the other. And the working mom has helps...like day care and more money to spend to do things that the "stay at home mom" does herself. Why can't we just be moms. Why does there always have to be a specification as to what KIND of mom we are? I think people in the lime light complain more, and as far as how much a president has to do that might take away his time from his family...he chose to take the job. So he chose to take that time from his family. Kind of like celebrities...they want us to pay the money to see their shows, watch their programs, buy their t shirts, buy their products...spend all our money to make them the millionaires that they are...yet complain when they have their privacy "invaded". Its like they are saying..."I demand you support me, but how dare you expect me to give you the time of day."
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
17 Apr 13
Very well said!
I didn't personally see this comment or hear anything about it until just now.
I get very cross about people (OK, generally the media!) lumping all single mothers into this single amorphous mass. As you've pointed out, not all single mothers are the same. No more than mothers in partnerships are the same. Mothers become single for so many different reasons, sometimes their own choice and sometimes something that's forced upon them. They also have different financial, educational, working, family ... everything ... backgrounds.
And of course, fathers can be single too!
The UK press have a disgusting habit of painting all single mothers as feckless benefit claiming spongers and it's a disgrace. Well to do professional widows can be single mothers too, but you never see those people described as such.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
17 Apr 13
I understood exactly what she said and don't understand how or why people are making such a big stink about it. She can easily be considered a single mom with her husband constantly flying here and there on business. If he eats at home three nights a week with the family I would be surprised. It's not an easy job especially when one crisis after another is happening all over the place. How about all thoses wives of servicemen in the forces. They are considered single as well because when their man is off to war they are in charge 100 percent at home for 6 to 12 months if not more. It gets me so upset that the media is the one always making more of something just to make a story bigger then it really is. Such stupidity!
@dagami (1158)
• Rome, Italy
17 Apr 13
i agree with you. had she said "i am a single mom", it would have been different. unfortunately, being the first lady puts her in the limelight all the time. people will always have to say something about her. some comments will be good, others will be bad.
