Sometimes we have to lie to our children

I don´t remember any time of an important lie, but I am sure that many times I have told them only half truths.

Can't think of a time when I've had to lie to my children, but I can definitely thing of situations where I didn't tell them the whole truth.

I found out at 9 years old that my father really wasn't my father and my whole world came flashing down. I should have known from the beginning then I would have been prepared to deal with it.

I can't remember lying to my kids...if I did it now it would be to protect them as I am older and don't want to burden then with silly little things that are wrong with me....Like my arthritis....I downplay it....in your case when your parents lied to you about your uncle...well you were only 9.....and sometimes that's not old enough to understand really the whole concept of the disease.....I don't think I would have been upset with them. They were trying to protect you.

So, have you forgiven your parents about this lie? Maybe they were just caught up in a time where there were still a lot of uncertainty about the disease. Specially back then. And not fully educated about AIDS yet. I have a friend who's living with the disease. I must admit there was a time I wasn't fully educated about it, but I did educate myself. Sometimes, kids can be so inquisitive that they have to know everything. I do try to tell them the truth all the time, but I think what I'm guilty off is not telling them the whole truth all the time.

Any parent that allows their child to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and other such imaginary creatures and helps to keep the thoughts in that lies to their children. It is sad when the children find out their parent has been lying to them about who gets them things. It might seem harmless but it can still result in a loss of trust from the child to the parent. I lie to my children most of the time about one thing. My health. They are too young to understand and so, for example, when they saw me curled up crying, near hyperventilating, and shaking uncontrollably a few weeks ago I told them it was because I had watched a scary movie and I'd be ok soon. My children however aren't that stupid since my four year old got the phone and handed it to my six year old who can read basic things and pressed the speed dial for my mother in law and called her. I had taught them in case of emergency press the number 6 on the phone and then press the little phone icon. As they get older I will teach them other safety measures but at 6 and 4 this was the easiest. My mother in law came over and watched them for a bit after getting me to take a sleeping pill to calm me down. Only half of one so I didn't sleep that long thankfully but she took care of them and put them to bed for me. Still, I don't want them to worry much and so I just hope they don't see anything like that again. They ask me if I am ok especially on days I don't feel ok at all and I always tell them 'Yes mommy is fine'. Kids pick up on their parent's emotions and I don't want them over stressed.

I grew up with a family who withheld truth from us most of the time about our other relatives and other stuff I wanted to know when I was young. My mom would answer vaguely and growing up I realized it was very ineffective parenting. It made me angry why as kids we were excluded from family issues, kinda like we were belittled as kids. The advantage to this was that I grew up being independent without losing my curiosity in a lot of things. Since I felt I wasn't satisfied with my mom's answers in assignments I studied and researched more on my own. This made me self-sufficient but the bad side also is I would get impatient when anyone I try to teach does not figure out things the way I do. I had to let go tutoring kids who were slower mentally and kept the kid who was smarter and hated repetitive information.

I don't know what is better, lies or no information at all. My parents divorced when I was ten and my broth was eight. We were told nothing, all of a sudden a strange woman moved into our home, she fed us breakfast, then locked us outside, (it was summer time) and then she called us into lunch and did the same thing, at dinner time we were fed, bathed and sent to bed, no info about where our parents were. The next time we saw our parents they were not together, we were sent off to boarding school and saw our parents only every other weeknd. No one ever told us what was happening, we were both teens before we were told anythng about what happened, then we were only given short stories from each of them. Remember there was no TV. no cells or no internet. If this has happend today, we would have been on the internet in a flash and at least had some answers. Because we were treated as outsiders who had no right to personal information about our family, our childhood which had been happy turned into pain and anger. But because of this I have alway told my children the truth, even about difficult things which are after all a part of life. I also gave my marriage vows and kept my vows for over 50 years. Was it always good? No. Some times it was terribly hard, but that is how life is.

I honestly don't remember lying to them but like you, when trouble came, I showed optimism rather than defeat. If I did, then it was when they were young and like your parents thought, trying to protect them. Remember that AIDS was then a dreaded disease and it was embarrasing to have a relative die from it. Forgive them

I don't lie to my childeren plus I never lied to someone else. Once my dad told me I was not allowed to tell my granny she had cancer.. as I entered the room she already knew so I said she had. She was happy I told her it was true.. my dad was angry (but who cares about him since it's was not his life). I tell my children the truth also if it's bad news. Also if it's about my health or side effects no matter how young they were I always did. Also because I want them to know it's not the end of the world, what will happen to them if I would not be there anymore, who they could call etc. It gave them an easy mind and they do appreciate that. They are not worried day and night and happy kids with a lot of self-esteem. I teach them ways (creative ones) to expres themselves/their feelings which is important for now and in their future life. There is no need to tell all details but I know my children do appreciate plus they feel free to tell their worries at also and share it instead of keeping it inside.

I am always trying to be open to my children and I never had any experience lying to them in any situation. Considering your situation, i think i would do the same thing. there are something that they could not understand and they are too young to worry about what adults are supposed to be worrying for themselves. We always find good reasons for doing what we believe is the right thing to do. we cannot blame others if they do the same to us. My parents never lied to us about anything.