You should have dinner with your ex, he said...

You don't need to have dinner with the ex to talk about the children do you? I think thta Tony realises that R will always be part of yur life whilst the children live at home and he is recognising that fact or e;lse he was being ironic? I don't know. I am reeling from morning about what happened to me. I was taken by surprise too by what someone said. I'm not in a good place

Hmm... He either trusts you or its a trap. You know? Like how one person in the couple might say "Oh I don't mind if you..." so the other person does whatever thinking its okay and then they other person ends up pi$$ed ff even though they said it wouldn't bother them.....?

wow. my husband would be total opposite there lol. I have an ex husband who I will just say is a real piece of work. I couldn't imagine going to dinner with him, lol. I don't even want to see his face. people send me messages from him and it just makes me mad. I feel like he made his decisions in life and chose to take my children and I out of his life. I was always the type to say I would NEVER stop the kids' dad from seeing them but he has done so many things and even ended up in prison from a certain situation that I feel if I allow my kids in his life they are going to think its ok to be like him and it is not. I wish we could have that friendship or at least be able to communicate and the kids be in his life but its not possible until he makes some real big changes. my kids deserve better. and when I did try to let them be around him in the beginning he wasn't even worried about spending time with them he would just make comments to me about how good I looked or some other comments trying to hit on me. just made me sick lol. it can be really tough to have kids with someone your no longer with and try to make things work.

No one bad mouths you in Tony's presence! That is wonderful! Suggestion, make that dinner a coffee. You will do more talking and there will be no way anyone can misunderstand your meeting!

I just can't stand my ex and I think the only way I could put up with him (if I had to) would be on the phone. We did recently see each other for 2 days when we both attended my 19 year old son's graduation from Army Basic Training. We were socialable and talked about the kids but nothing else. It ended up good but I was glad when it was over. Even if Tony is giving you the ok I think I would just keep it strictly over the phone. If there is a possiblity that the ex is hanging on to you for some reason dinner might give him the wrong idea. Just my thoughts.

This is very good since he obviously doesn't trust the ex, so that means he has a complete trust in you.

Judging by your previous discussions about Tony, I reckon he's totally sound my friend, and it's a welcome sign from him that he trusts you! I don't think many men would be happy, but Tony knows the score and he knows you, so should take it as a green light.

You could ask your ex to write to you, a typed letter that will explain the retirement accounts or go to a lawyer and have him take care of it all. You could also write to your ex requesting the information rather then a phone call. You could also meet with him along with Tony some place public, and do the business there. You have to give Tony the idea that you and your ex are not doing any hanky panky.

Like talking with yuor mouth full, it's probably not a good idea...

I think Tony is wonderful, not many men would make a suggestion like that. and I agree, though I wonder, would R be able to keep the topic on the children only? Perhaps you need a back up system, you know like Tony (or someone who is a little intimidating) on speed dial in case your ex decides to make it more than it is..

hi dawn well thats really sweet of tony but ultimately it all comes down to what you really want to do. Really this is something you should give some thought to as now you have got unbhitched you do not want to go back to him.

Interesting.. guess he's starting to trust the situation.

Dinner with the ex... Would you really want to suffer through such a thing? Maybe, a coffee shop and go armed with notes on everything you need to address? It may be more expedient than the telephone.

If Tony is truly cool with it (and from your comments it sounds like Tony is), then yah, I'm all for meeting up with "the ex" in person. I focus on the conversation better when it's in person - and I need to see the reaction of the other person so I know I was heard - but that's me. And if it's about something important that the ex needs to sign and return asap, I want to make sure I pound it in (I would better at that, again, in person). Sounds like Tony is trusting that it would be "business" and not some romantic date.

Why dinner? What's wrong with the phone? Or just meeting in a public place over a coffee? I feel that actually having dinner in order to have these sort of discussions is a bit much when a simple coffee shop over tea or coffee would do if anything. Tony sounds very reasonable and patient. I still think dinner at this point, regardless of what discussions need to take place, is just too much. Not a good idea. Keep it way more simple. After all he may be the father of your children but he is your ex. Best to you and your family.

I have gone out to lunch with my ex a few times when it had something to do with the kids. Tony may think that your ex has other motives but it clearly shows that he trusts you and that is so important. I think it is sweet. It is also good for you and your ex to have that sort of relationship for the sake of the kids. I don't see a problem with it. My ex wanted to get back together even knowing that the odds in that were zero. I found it was more comfortable to meet for coffee or lunch as opposed dinner. Oh and then we had sporting events out of town with the kids and it only made sense to ride together ...eat together etc. It was not anything romantic or anything.

Perhaps coffee or tea instead? Or heck whilst grocery shopping?

These sort of things are quite common. One needs to meet when things need to be sorted out. Why should a dinner be associated with socialising? I could call it a 'business' dinner. Probably you could collect that form that your ex needs to sign, personally. You are not missing your ex. Are you?

Well, if I understand correctly, you and Tony, are separated. The most important thing is that there are children (that would be your sons). Maybe Tony meant that all you can not clarify with a long phone call. To better assess the situation and decide how to act accordingly, should you and Tony, met somewhere and discuss face to face on things to do. Usually the phone is said to only the essentials and nothing more. At least I see it personally in this way. Maybe I'm wrong?

I can understand you need to have a somewhat relationship with the kids. but, I also can see Tonys point as well. Hope all works out for you guys there.