How dare you be friends with a married person?!
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
April 24, 2013 4:01pm CST
Yeah you! Don't you know that's BAD and you're giving the wrong impression and what if their husband or wife shoots you?
UGH.
Do any of you actually believe this crap? I have been dealing with it my whole life! NOT, thankfully from anybody who actually MATTERS, but strangers, acquaintances, friends of friends, and occasionally weird spouses of friends, sometimes members of peoples' family.
Let me tell you all something. If you are jealous of someone's friendship, you are probably insecure or have issues. If you have a PROBLEM with someone's friendship when it has NOTHING to do with you, YOU probably have some of our own issues, such as - maybe YOU couldn't be friends with that person without having it turn into something it shouldn't. That does NOT mean it's the same for other people. Stop using your own internal crap to determine what things are or what they mean to others.
I am just DONE. I really feel people who have this attitude need to get a life and move on and of course stay very far away from me. It's likely that I will probably do a lot of things you don't like, and I will never change. I don't choose my friends based on GENDER or their relationship status. How stupid, immature, ignorant, and dumb is that?! If you narrow your world that far, you are going to miss out on wonderful people.
Therefore. I am friends with other married people, male or female, it doesn't matter. I am friends with single people, male or female, it doesn't matter. I don't care if people have kids, don't have kids, are old, young, whatever. What matters only is that they are decent people and we enjoy each other's company. That is how it is for me and that really IS HOW IT IS, period. Anybody who assumes or thinks otherwise is a total idiot and feel free to think what you want but you're incorrect and inappropriate and you won't change anything with your ridiculous attitude.
Right now I am kinda mad and perplexed that I would have to state any of this at all. I guess I really should expect LESS from people rather than MORE. SO DISAPPOINTING!!
1 person likes this
9 responses
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
24 Apr 13
I am the same way. I'm in a relationship. I am friends with guys who are single. I tell my boyfriend where I am and who I'm hanging out with. Just as I have no problem with him hanging out with other women. If you don't have trust then what good is your relationship anyway? If he cheats it wont be because I am letting him hang out with other women. It will be because he is a cheater. I trust him enough to know he wouldn't do that to me. If someone is going to cheat they will do it whether or not they have male or female friends. I am also friends with people who are married or in relationships. It's just the way it is. I don't believe in cheating if I wanted to be with someone else I'd have the decency to break it up with my boyfriend first. I have family members who seem to think we have too much faith in each other. It's like why should it matter? I don't even see my friends that way. I look at them as friends not as someone I could hook up with. I even invite my boyfriend to come along with me to hang out with my guy friends, and he has invited me to hang out with his friends who are girls. Neither of us feel the need to be threatened. We know we love each other. Jealousy is just ridiculous it serves no real purpose. Just because people around you can't see things from your point of view doesn't make it wrong. What makes it wrong is if you start messing around with someone else when they or you are in a relationship and as long as you're not doing that it doesn't matter what others thing, because you're not in the wrong for just being friends with someone. I have friends off all ages, gender, and relationship statuses. I fail to see how that makes someone a bad person.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
25 Apr 13
I completely agree. Most of my friends are men. Just because a lot of women annoy me. I want nothing to do with the drama a lot of them bring. I have female friends though who aren't like that, but most of my friends are male. My boyfriend has mostly female friends. It's just the way it is. We were both friends with these people before we got together. If we wanted something to happen it would have happened before now.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
27 Apr 13
Drama... lol! Hate it 
. One of the most priceless things to have is a relationship where somebody isn't always looking over your shoulder or grilling your friends, where neither of you are going through each other's email and phones and other things like that. Yes, I know there are people whose relationships are like that, and they are miserable people who couldn't communicate correctly if they were being held at knifepoint over boiling water lol.
Like I pointed out originally - what is the point of using gender or relationship status to determine who you hit it off with, who you choose to involve in your life, etc? That's as stupid as deciding 'I only like brown haired people' or 'I'm only going to be friends with people who own dogs'. I would hope those two statements sound ridiculous to most people and they would understand that this is the same thing!
I think trust is like common sense, it's so rare these days and everybody is a critic and everybody is suspicious, and so they paint your relationship with the same brush that painted their own. I have a lot of trust in my friends and for the most part, I assume everybody else KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING. I try not to judge my friends publically, I might think something but I'm not going to rag on them or say anything unless they ask me what I think.
The jealousy I see and the anger really makes no sense. I'm not jealous of anybody, and I laugh if someone acts like they are jealous of me. There is no reason, whatsoever.
. One of the most priceless things to have is a relationship where somebody isn't always looking over your shoulder or grilling your friends, where neither of you are going through each other's email and phones and other things like that. Yes, I know there are people whose relationships are like that, and they are miserable people who couldn't communicate correctly if they were being held at knifepoint over boiling water lol.
Like I pointed out originally - what is the point of using gender or relationship status to determine who you hit it off with, who you choose to involve in your life, etc? That's as stupid as deciding 'I only like brown haired people' or 'I'm only going to be friends with people who own dogs'. I would hope those two statements sound ridiculous to most people and they would understand that this is the same thing!
I think trust is like common sense, it's so rare these days and everybody is a critic and everybody is suspicious, and so they paint your relationship with the same brush that painted their own. I have a lot of trust in my friends and for the most part, I assume everybody else KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING. I try not to judge my friends publically, I might think something but I'm not going to rag on them or say anything unless they ask me what I think.
The jealousy I see and the anger really makes no sense. I'm not jealous of anybody, and I laugh if someone acts like they are jealous of me. There is no reason, whatsoever.
@ksborn (6)
• United States
25 Apr 13
Single people and married people CAN be friends. In fact, almost all my friends are single and a lot of them are males. My husband is not threatened over this & he knows the guys.
In my opinion, friends are friends. Doesn't matter if they are male or female. The gender of your friends only matters if you're interested in sleeping with them. In which case, you are interested in more than "just" friends.
@Inderjeetkaur (944)
• India
26 Apr 13
It is good that you do not let yourself be bothered by such people who question your friendship with boys (married, unmarried, young, old, with kids or without kids). You are right people who have relationship problems in their own life cannot stand anyone else's smooth relations. They always search for something fishy in other people's relationship especially if it is between a boy and a girl.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Apr 13
Bottom line... boys are more fun. They don't take stuff so seriously, they can fix things, and they don't take 3 hours to get ready or ask you if an outfit makes them look fat. You can pick a cool place in town to eat and they aren't grouching and asking for vegan organic rabbit food. They'll tell you they can't sing and at some point, you will hear them singing anyway, and they sound fine. Pretty simple
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Some people are just too closed-minded. I don't see anything wrong with being friends with a married person. It is not like I am planning to have some interest on them or something.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Two thumbs up for you friend! I have no issues with that as well. Like you, I think those people are judgmental and narrow minded. What's wrong with being friends with a married person? As long as you don't intend to break someone else's marriage, you don't have to feel guilty about that. It's called FRIENDSHIP!
I don't care what others think of me. I do what I want as long as i don't harm others and i know my limitation. I am friends with gays, lesbians, married men, young and old people too!!!1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
24 Apr 13
There should be trust in a relationship enough where everyone can be friends with anyone else. It shouldn't matter what someone's relationship status is, I don't think anyway. My husband and I are friends with other married couples and their spouses. I don't see anything wrong with that. I trust my husband not to do anything he would regret.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
25 Apr 13
Exactly....the only people who have ever had a thing to say about it ARE NOT MY HUSBAND. My husband realizes that I'm a lot more social than he is - and he also knows that I have male friends I have had my whole life, since I was about 5. I do not recall any hard and fast rule anywhere that says 'when you marry, you are no longer allowed to have friends of both genders'. I mean, I KNOW there are people who think that way and believe that, but you know what, they are full of it.
That's like saying 'you can't hang out with your brother because he's a boy. You can't hang out with your brother in law because he's a boy. Ooops, better not take your dad out for dinner, he's a boy'. What the hell?
I have friends whose boyfriends or husbands get mad when they notice a guy looking, mine is wise...he doesn't get mad, he knows where we both sleep at night
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
We can be friends to anyone we want as long as we do not have any conflicts that go with it. If your partner finds discomfort of you having friends with married or single people he does not know (or the other way around) I think you should reconsider because it might affect the relationship.
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
24 Apr 13
First of all married couple should associate with other married couples and I have no problem with my husband being with any of our married friends spouse be it the man or woman. We are all good friends and we trust and my husband nor any of my lady married or single friends nor his have ever abused or took advantage of the friendships we all have.
I have been to town with one of our married men friends on more than one ocassion because we both had things to do and our spouses were busy elsewhere and it saved gas and time and yes we ate lunch together and our spouses trusted us and the same can be said for my husband with any of my married women friends.
But there are just places you should avoid one is bars or night clubs that gives the wrong impression and message. There was only one time many years ago where a man a friend suggested something with me. I turned him down flat and told my husband about it.
I refused to ever go with him ever again alone. This can happen. But there are a lot people who are players and want to do things wrong. If you are just friends well and good but don't make yourself a target by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I have been married to my only husband now 43 years as of this past Saturday. We have a wonderful relationship and both married and unmarried friends and he works with women all the time at work and has eaten lunch with them. I have had men married and single friends come visit me when he has not been here. Even one recently he is 34 and I am 63 he is simply just a young friend the age of some of my children. I also have men my age who have been to visit a short time. They do not visit long but I get what you are saying.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
25 Apr 13
Thanks for a well thought response 
. I am just frustrated with people who strike first and ask questions later, or simply never ask questions and just assume all sorts of wrong information and then freak out over their incorrect information. It's very hurtful and I can't even figure out why someone would purposely be that stupid.
I typically avoid bars and nightclubs anyway, not my kind of scene. I might go to the bar with friends once in awhile but one of the first things I share about myself is that I'm married. If someone doesn't know that within the first few minutes, they weren't listening.
Another thing, if someone is being an idiot, I don't put up with it. I try to ignore unwelcome advances, I do not give out my number, I asked a guy who asked me once - in front of my daughter no less - does that EVER work?
My friends are not like that, they are gentlemen and they've all met my husband. I don't think they'd ever make an advance on me, not because they are afraid of my husband, because they are afraid of ME. I don't think I'm a mean person and I don't look threatening but I'd hit someone if they were stupid.... and then I wouldn't continue the friendship either.
Trust is important, in any close relationships, and if you have that within your close relationships, who cares what other people who are not involved think? I wish people would really stop projecting their own thoughts and feelings on other peoples' relationships. I don't always understand some of my friends' relationships but at least I am wise enough to know that just because I don't understand doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with theirs - because it's not just like mine. I don't make assumptions about them or tease them or pick on them. I just want the same courtesy, and I feel I deserve it.
. I am just frustrated with people who strike first and ask questions later, or simply never ask questions and just assume all sorts of wrong information and then freak out over their incorrect information. It's very hurtful and I can't even figure out why someone would purposely be that stupid.
I typically avoid bars and nightclubs anyway, not my kind of scene. I might go to the bar with friends once in awhile but one of the first things I share about myself is that I'm married. If someone doesn't know that within the first few minutes, they weren't listening.
Another thing, if someone is being an idiot, I don't put up with it. I try to ignore unwelcome advances, I do not give out my number, I asked a guy who asked me once - in front of my daughter no less - does that EVER work?
My friends are not like that, they are gentlemen and they've all met my husband. I don't think they'd ever make an advance on me, not because they are afraid of my husband, because they are afraid of ME. I don't think I'm a mean person and I don't look threatening but I'd hit someone if they were stupid.... and then I wouldn't continue the friendship either.
Trust is important, in any close relationships, and if you have that within your close relationships, who cares what other people who are not involved think? I wish people would really stop projecting their own thoughts and feelings on other peoples' relationships. I don't always understand some of my friends' relationships but at least I am wise enough to know that just because I don't understand doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with theirs - because it's not just like mine. I don't make assumptions about them or tease them or pick on them. I just want the same courtesy, and I feel I deserve it.
@teotimoponcerosacena (1552)
• Philippines
24 Apr 13
You must try to control yourself, nowadays it is but natural many are involved on that illicit affairs maybe as a scapegoat of problems but always remember to enjoy life is the best motive and in acquiring it you must have a complete control of yourself.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
25 Apr 13
LOL! Oh my.... already people are making assumptions again. *I* have no self control issues, as far as I see it, the only people who have issues are people who are not even part of the situation who SEE people who are married but not to each other hanging out together and assume a bunch of crap. I am almost afraid to continue reading replies if that's how everybody else is going to think. That's why I wrote this post to begin with.... to defend against that very mindset and attitude!
There is nothing illicit or affairish about being friends - for all intents and purposes it's the same as hanging out with girl friends.
Shame on you and anybody else who thinks something else. Wow.
@surfinphils (74)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
I think this is something likely what happened to me a couple of years ago. I found a friend through the internet and he is married with lots of kids. Weve been communicating through snail mail. That friend of mine wants me to be friends with his son who is handcapped and so we kept writing and chatting over the internet with that boy who is just about my age. And I enjoy it and feels good to help a person in a little way. I think they just liked my humors. I made friends with His whole family,without thinking that his wife could get jealous and think of bad things towards me and her husband.We met in person after two years of mail friendships and that the time his wife confronted me through a phone call. I really did everything just to make her understand I wasnt like the woman that shes thinking I am. I didnt fought back and just let her say antyhing she has to say and follow with my explanations. Im only too glad she is very formal and educated so its not really a fight but just a serious talking. She admitted that she thinks her husband likes me.. I told her its not the way you think how it was.
I understood her feelings. I also wonder how will i also feel if my husband gets close to a younger woman. We became friends though and Im grateful about it. Of course we have the same nationality anyway.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Apr 13
I think part of the problem is the percentage of people who are NOT able to be friends with each other, so they figure NOBODY can. To me this is like somebody who believes nobody can run 50 miles just because THEY can't. Well... I can. I did it last year, and I'll probably do it again, so whenever somebody tries to stereotype or judge, I'll tell em where to go all right.
I had an issue once with a 'friend' (used to be) who called me and told me not to ever talk to her husband again because she didn't allow him to have friends. That's exactly what she said! He had actually called me to ask what I thought of marriage counseling because he was worried about his relationship. He remembered I had an ex husband so he was asking me if anything I tried worked in trying to resolve the situation. He was NOT saying or doing anything inappropriate, so when his wife freaked out, I was so clueless, I had no idea why she was mad at me.
