My sister is very upset with me
By verolop29
@verolop29 (1096)
United States
April 26, 2013 5:48pm CST
My sister and I have been close for a long time but for the past year she's been distant and I tried talking to her about it but she won't speak to me. She's trying to treat me like she does our mother but I won't have it! If she thinks she can treat me that way, she's got another thing coming.
Last Saturday, I wanted them to come over and spend the weekend with us u know to give my sister some time alone; she's always saying she never has time for herself; which led me to think of some way I could help. I texed her about it and she didn't want them with us anymore. I was hurt by it but I got over it a little. So the next day I went and got the kids just for the day and it all went south. They had money to spend so we all went to the mall and the two oldest ended up shoplifting. They didn't need what they took they wanted it! We all went tithe mall other time but they never EVER stole anything. So they got arrested and were taken to a juvinille detention center for a few hours.
When she found out I took them without her permission she got totally mad with me and the. She got super angry that they got arrested. And she was like his would have NEVER happened if u didn't take them. I did that because they were going to go somewhere else and disorder things. They have friends my sister doesn't like and they were going to spend the weekend with them but I stopped them. I don't expect her to relate in any way
I think she envious of me. I'm married and basically have the kind of life she wants. Her kids have even told her so and I didn't think that was nice. If my kids told me they loved their aunt more than me I'd be mortified! Wouldn't u? But then again I am not like her.
I have said I was sorry but she won't even look at me. I refuse to kiss her tushy. That's what she wants me to do.
So what do u think I should do? I'm over her being mad with me but I'm not over how she's treating me. I also think it's totally messed up that family think they can treat their family like this.
I have always help them all with things and never asked for anything in return. I don't expect nothing either. It makes my husband very upset that I help them but they don't help us. I hate that shes always telling other people bad things about us. What to do?
2 people like this
7 responses
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
27 Apr 13
I'm not really sure if I'm following your story right here so correct me where I'm wrong. Did you take her kids without her permission? Did she have any idea where they were? I don't know your sister but it sounds as if she has a couple of troubled kids on her hands which can be really really stressful. Are they teens? It sounds as if they are out of control. It sounds to me as if she made it clear that they were not to go with you??? Maybe because they have been doing things that she doesn't like???Possibly they were being punished and not allowed to go anywhere? Then you come along and take them to the mall and they steal and get arrested?? Maybe they were going to go do something bad and at that point they would be breaking her rules and her problem to deal with. If they were grounded, you helped unground them and took them out for a fun time and they still ended up in trouble. They may have gotten in trouble anyway but if so YOU would not be a contributing factor. If I'm reading this right then I can see why she would be upset and why the kids would look at you as their favorite Aunt.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
28 Apr 13
Her kids are both teenagers. Ariel is the oldest. Nito second oldest. She did say I can't have them for the weekend. She DIDN'T say that I can have them period. So I thought that ok I can have them for a few hours....no harm there. I thought she'd be a bit happier I I got them out of her hair so she can have a few moment to breathe...but nope that wasn't the case. They have gotten into trouble with the police before and no they weren't grounded. I didnb really ask and my sister didn't tell me otherwise. They're a Handfull alright and she's stressing. Right now my sister haven't seen them in two days and she's telling the police I took them. Yesterday they came to my house and searched it saying that they got a tip that I smoke like get high. They didn't find anything. Cuz I don't do that stuff. My sister told them that I did. And she streightup lied to my face. I have never lied like that to my sister but then again she can do that to me??? What makes that right??
Yes I did take them with her permission. But they didn't spend the night like she made clear.
I hope that clears any misunderstanding
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
29 Apr 13
Ok I think I understand a little better. So you had your sister's permission to take them for the day, right? Did she say anything about not taking them to certain places or anything? One of my daughters was an out of control teen and let me tell you ...it is a nightmare to deal with. Grounding does no good when they are that out of control.They'll sneak out or just get beligerant and leave. Thankfully my other 3 were not like that. My daughter got caught stealing a couple of times and I warned people not to take her into stores as she steals. A lot of her friends would not even go into stores with her. If your sister did know that she was with you and did not put any sort of restrictions on what they could or could not do then she can't blame you for them stealing while at the mall. If anything you should be upset with the boys for putting you in such a spot and she should also be upset with them and not you. Give it some time and she'll probably see things differently. Right now she is probably just exhausted and overly stressed from dealing with them and lashing out at you. She probably felt that she could relax for once and not worry because they were with you and then this happens. Of course it is not your fault and deep down she knows that. I think she will come around...just give her some time.
@dagami (1158)
• Rome, Italy
27 Apr 13
you took the kids without their mother's permission and this was wrong. you went out with them and they ended up shoplifting... your sister has every right to be MAD at you. becasue of what you did, her kids now have bad police records. had they stayed at home, they wouldn't have been caught shoplifting. if they were planning to go elsewhere, it was up to their mom to stop them. you shouldn't have interfered. although you have good intentions, you're meddling in your sister's life.
i love my nephews and niece a lot but i would never dare to take them somewhere without their parents' permission. maybe you'll be able to understand this when you have kids of your own. i pressumed that you don't have any yet since you didn't mention them.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
28 Apr 13
My nephew and niece had been in trouble with the law BEFORE I took them with me to the mall. They were going to go with their other friends and do god knows what! I'm kinda glad I took them and the only regret I have is the fact that thy shoplifted. They have been vying for attention the wrong way and their mother has NO TIME FOR THEM. And I just assumed that I could help them but I now realize that I can't. I know I did wrong but at that moment I was not thinking. They are old enough to know that stealing IS WRONG! And there are consequences.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Apr 13
I suppose she figures you should have been watching them more closely, but then REALLY would they have behaved better if she were there? She had really better focus her efforts on her childrens' behavior and stop blaming you.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
28 Apr 13
That's what I'm saying. It's sad. Really sad to see her like this. Being in denial is easiest thing to get into. The hard part I've told her too is tellin urself and admitting that something is wrong. U dont Have to like it. But she won't listen. I donb know what else to do with her or them. I'll just stay here. And not help. Much.....:)
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
29 Apr 13
Hi,
I think your sister should not blame you for this incident. It was not your fault. She should have been thought about the help you have given in their difficulties. She should be grateful to you. You ahve said her sorry and I don't think you should try again to convince her. She would realize her mistake in future and she would come to you. You now keep quiet and don't do anything.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
1 May 13
I was thinking the same. I am helping her and she doesn't get it. It makes my sad and angry at the same time to realize this. As a parent she has ton of things to worry about. As her sister she should know that I'm here to help. I'm ur free babysitter! She just wants to treat me like she does our mother. Nope, not happening. I told her so too. And she wanted to fight me. In front of my kids! I told her if she wanted to go there I AM DONE WITH HER BS! I told her she is not my SBBS anymore. I am still her SBS but she is not my SBBS. SECRET BEST SISTER. SECRET BEST BIG SISTER(that's what they mean)
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
27 Apr 13
No matter what happens, she is still your sister, your family, your own flesh and blood. I'm sorry to hear that her envy blinds her to that fact. That instead of taking out on you her frustrations, she could have used it to inspire her to be where you are now.
Maybe you should give her some time to calm down and cool it. I know she's still mad about the whole deal and probably be in no mood to have a reasonable conversation. Then when the timing is right, maybe you can talk like sister to sister and hear her out. You're the one who knows better, you're the one who IS better, try to extend your patience a bit more. Be the bigger person, or sister for this case.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
28 Apr 13
Thanks friend..I'll try even harder than before to be patient with her. After all it's never easy being a parent and a single one at that! But I am stepping back ten feet from being the favorite aunt. I think that's a bad idea tho because her kids come to ME to talk about things their mom doesn't want to talk about nor even hear about. Like DOING IT. Being pressured by ur peers. They come to me to talk to for advise on the heavy stuff. My sister told me they came to her and wanted to know about how STDS are bad and she wouldn't hear of. She dealt with it by string drunk and sleeping around. I think that's a bad example to show for ur kids and she's doesn't see it that way.
@maxfashioned (188)
•
27 Apr 13
Maybe you have helped her out too much and she has taken you for granted. Seems like something else is going on with her. The kids sound like a handful. Maybe she is embarassed that she needs so much help from you. If she has lost control of her kids maybe she feels she has lost control of all aspects of her life, that would be depressing. Sometimes you just want everybody to shut up and leave you alone. Give her some space. I would be fuming mad had I said no and you came and got my kids anyway.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
28 Apr 13
How could someone like family not help? It's not easy for me to say no to my sisters. It looks as though I have a tough pickle to handle :)
@phoonk (341)
• India
10 Aug 15
Try to ask for sorry once more being patient, if she doesn't listen, then just give her some time. I think you shouldn't be upset with her, because she may be going through some problems that she is not able to share with you. May be there is something that is killing her from inside. Family is after all family. Give her some time, Even if it doesn't gets better, just leave it then. You should never hurt your self respect.
