Confusion about the approach!

Well you were lucky that you had an understanding BF and you were sensible enough( much more than me) to maintain good balance between your love life and social life.In my case i am stuck in this position.I appreciate you for being candid, actually i am happy for her as she is in a beautiful relationship with a good person and i don't want that some misunderstanding happens between them because of me,that is why i backed off.I will be more than happy if she gets married to that guy.The thing is my friend is habitual of all the pampering and caring she gets from me, she is a single child who never had a brother or sister to share her feelings,i have that role in her life.But she is not understanding a simple thing that she has to change her ways according to her relationship.Anyways today i got lot of firing from her side and i have no choice other than returning to my normal behavior.That's a good suggestion however ,i will try to befriend her love interest and will explain this to him.Thanks a lot for your response.

Yes she is like a family member,it would be great if her BF notices this, then things will get much easier.

from this i can sense that you treat her like a sister or a relative and i'm sure her BF will notice this too. hope everyhting will turn out fine.

I think she was testing waters...she possibly is in love with you and expected you to prevent that relationship. If she is habituated to your pampering and care, trust me your emotions are not very far from love.

Hi vandana Actually the guy she is with is very nice, that is why i want her relationship to be intact.We dont get nice people often as love interests, i cant tell by my own experience.She is upset as i distanced myself from her because she is habitual of my care and pampering,i knew she would not change her ways even after being in relationship and she would call me daily and meet me frequently like before.This might affect her relationship,so i will keep trying till she understands as that is my duty as a friend.She does not like me that way i am sure of that, we are just close buddies.Thanks a lot for your response.

Thanks for sharing your experience.Actually like you mentioned about your experience that you had to choose between your partner and friend, i had the same fear that one day it might happen that she had to make a similar choice.She is habitual of talking to me frequently and share stuff.She is a single child and never had a brother or sister with whom she could share her feelings freely, i play that part in her life.Last thing i want is that her relationship gets affected due to me,you are right here, i am putting her first.Well I am stuck at this point and i don't have much options, i know she wont agree with my approach and i had to go back to the normal behavior with her but i dearly hope that her relationship does not get affected.Thanks a lot for your response friend.

I agree with you, if we care for our friends then we have to do this,its fair enough for everyone.Thanks a lot for your response.

Thanks mate, i am glad that you have the same approach, i appreciate that.With the example you mentioned its clear that closeness with best friend does not go well in a relationship.One should give maximum attention to his/her love interest.A real best friend will understand if you are not able to give the time like you used to.Unfortunately there are lot of people like the not so cool guy you mentioned,who would always try to come in between,its damn irritating man.That is why i backed off in this case, because i care for my friend.I may be wrong but i feel that there are many guys who do friendship with a girl so that they can convince her to date later on,if during this process the girl gets committed to someone else they try to create problems between the couple by purposely getting in between.Thanks a lot for your response.

That's very interesting,the girl should have believed when you warned about that loser.Actually if the guy has problems with all male friends then i can understand why someone would ignore the warnings.But if the boyfriend is uncomfortable about a certain friend then one should always give a serious thought to it.But the normal reaction would be he is getting possessive and want to curb my social life,why to generalize unnecessarily?Focus should be on solving the problems not complicating them further.This logic is applicable other way round too though, i mean girlfriend having problems with female friends of boyfriend.

Yeah sure. We agree. There was one incident also i remember with my ex. She had this friend she met a few months before we got together. And he was this pathetic guy who wanted to get into her pants, but couldnt. haha So he played the friend card but i had figured him out. I told her but she didn't want to listen (attention $!ut cough cough). Anyway a month into our relationship we get into a fight at this party, after the party and she runs to a room crying i think. So i go the table with like 6 guys all fellow students sitting down and a few girls and i tell that friend of hers. There she goes, all yours, go get her and something like that but really upset. I was ready to take all of my anger out on him, i didnt even let him say a word he tried to speak and i reacted like shut up, ill kick your a$$ and stuff like that. So he stayed quiet. Anyway the next day me and the ex met, and talked it out and made up. And then she tell me i was right about her "friend". She tells me when i left he went to her and started telling her how i dont love her and how i dont take good care of her and how she should be with him and he tried to kiss her...ohohoho sleazy little $s!t... So at the end of the day. He proved me right. He proved her wrong (cuz she was trying to convince me that he is just a friend and there is nothing going on between them from either side). And she cut all contact with him from that point on. It was like a win-win-win situation for me Anyway, we are not together anymore, it's been a year+ actually since we broke up. If i would see her again. She would probably have me at hallo.

Thanks for the kind words and sharing your experience. Like you mentioned its sometimes important to take some harsh decisions for welfare of of our loved ones.Yes i accept that i should have acted differently,i thought of telling her about this earlier but i knew that i wont be able to convince her.Yes i talked to her and told her why i was distancing myself ,but she got extremely upset and now i have no option other than returning to normal behavior with her like it was before. Of-course we are still close friends like before ,she is like family to me,friends fight and then make up that is how friendship goes isn't it.Thanks a lot for valuable suggestions and response.

You're very welcome. And I'm glad to hear that your relationship with your friend is still intact. And yes thats right. I mean every relationship is different and fighting is quite normal. And after the fight, the relationship is just stronger. Glad to know i was of help. Have a blessed day :)

Thanks a lot for the kind words and sharing your expierience@doctors2015.I agree with you about the approach of guys,there is a uncomfortable feeling about best friends of girlfriend although like you mentioned correctly ,they deny it or dont let it surface in their behavior.In a relationship one expects undivided attention of their partners,there should always be the positive feeling that love interest is more special than others.I can see that with the practical and sensible approach you have it was easy for you to understand the situation well,i had to do this because a friend should not be thorn in the flesh but a big support.Yes i tried to explain her all this but she is not ready to understand,so for now there is no option for me other than to go back to normal behavior with her like before.I will try to explain her again though.Thanks a lot for your response.

Yes i accept that its not an ideal way to act ,,i will try to find more constructive ways to act in such situations.I hope she learns from experience though like you mentioned,there are lots of responsibilities in a relationship ,one has to be dedicated to his/her love interest.For that one has to change and adjust ,that is what my intention is,to explain her best ways so that her relationship remains intact.Thanks a lot for kind words and response Anji1985.