Funny Jokes?

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood." The second one says, "I'll have one, too." The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma." The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See how well it works?

so.....a dozen muffins were sitting in a pan in the oven baking away......one muffin turns to the other and says "it sure is getting hot in here, isn't it?" the muffin next to him tuns and exclaims "holy sh*t a talking muffin!!"........ best i could come up with on such a short notice....was an inside joke between me and a good friend when ever either of us was having a rough day.......we still often email/txt each other with the line "holy sh*t a talking muffin" and it causes both of us to step back, chuckle a bit and go on with the day... hope things get better for you!