STRESSED OUT TO NO END.......HANDS TIED AND NO REAL HELP FROM ANYONE......WHAT TO DO?

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As I sit here and wonder what the I am going to do. I have not ate in days the stress gets to me like that. and the bad thing is that it makes me sick. when I first got out of the hospital I was not eating i lost alot of weight during that time, but since i had brain surgery and the stroke the messed up something in my inner ear when i do not rest enough or eat right i get this virtigo thing going on and I get real dizzy alot of falling and passing out. I believe that there were alot of factors in my husband leaving me it was not just one thing. he was a man who needed to help someone always. I had to ask him to stop doing everything for me. he would do everything for me at first and i would not of gotten any better, the other one was that he had to be the popular nice guy if someone asked him to do something he would do it. and then there was the hard cold fact that he was going to turn 50. he had a real hard time with that, me getting sick. of course i kind of understand the part about me getting sick. for now i look at myself as a cripple person, no one would ever want me, i pushed alot of people away i did not want to go out of the house. i could not walk right. and I will never be able to run again forever, i guess i am lucky compared to some others but in the end my husband use to do and say things to me to make me hate him. there was no way he could do that but let me tell you he sure tried real hard. one day I told him he could never make me hate him no matter what. he would tell me things like god made me have the accident as i call it because i was mean to people when i was younger. or that i deserved to be this way. I know it was only an excuse for himself for the things he done to me. you see he did leave me all alone, no gas no electric no way to survive, for one of our friends a girl i had thought was my friend but was not by any means. he moved in with her about 4 blocks from our house. it was very sudden we had made plans to move to mustang island in texas. all ready to go but seems he got caught up and his little friends were more important than me, i had then made the discission to go alone and since he took the 4000.00 tax return from the bank without me even knowing that we got it he promised me he would take me if i wanted to go. that was the day i told him he had humiliated me enough here i was ready to go alone and live on the beach. never happened he pissed all the money away on nothing. the day he told me I remember the arrogant son of a b itch had a white t shirt on and i had a full fountain soda in my hand he told me then he did not have the money any more to take me to texas. I threw the soda in his face. he had promised me i had no where to go. and the man looked at me and said you got soda on my shirt. you see i allowed my husband to come here to our home for 6 month after he left me. my way of coping with the situation, he had destroyed my world. but in the end i am still hanging on i do not know how but i am..... i wanted to write a book called Married to captain save-a-hoe.....lol too funny.... goodnight all hopefully it will get better in the days to come please pray for me. thanks.....crap they are now telling me i can not use the word b itch......