Why am I Being Judged For not Having Kids
By angiemac4444
@angemac23 (2003)
Canada
September 7, 2013 9:13am CST
I am 33. I do not have children. I am also single. Why am I single and childless. Every man I have dated since I started dating treated me badly. I have been abused, cheated on, neglected, disrespected and just plain treated like dirt. And none of the men I have dated or lived with were suitable to raise children so I made the choice to break up with these men when I discovered what they were like and got fed up with dealing with their bad treatment towards me. So now, people judge me and ask stupid questions like "why don't you have kids" "are you selfish" etc. But isn't the answer to the questions obvious? I do not have kids because I cannot find a suitable partner to have them with. Are these people saying I should have stayed in an abusive relationship with a man who treated me like dirt (and would also treat our kids like dirt) in order to have kids? That sounds selfish to me. Of course I am not going to have kids with someone like that. I am a really good person (attractive, honest, energetic, fun-loving, educated, smart, hard working and genuine) but the only women I know who are getting dates in my hick town are women who are obese with no front teeth and no education. Sorry, but I am not gaining 200 pounds, knocking my front teeth out and lowering my IQ in order to get a man. Bottom line is, I did not make a conscious decision not to have kids....I have always wanted kids but I am choosy when it comes to starting a family with someone because I want a happy life for myself and my future kids - not a miserable one with a drunken abusive ahole. What does everyone here think of my lifestyle and why do you think I get judged? I think I am making the right decision by not settling with someone who is not right for me...
6 people like this
10 responses
@wolf_hound (1)
• China
9 Sep 13
Marriage and fertility are necessary for society.Whether to marry and have children or not is personal freedom.
1 person likes this
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
9 Sep 13
Might be necessary to keep humanity going....but if I cant find a suitable partner, that is not my fault....I REFUSE to settle with someone who treats me like dirt just to "keep humanity and society going"....I'm a good person and I have a lot to offer and nothing good I have to offer will be wasted on someone who does not treat me right and that includes my "fertility"....I want kids but not with the wrong person! I see too many people settling for someone who treats them badly and they live unhappy lives....I refuse to be unhappy....I only get one life and I want to make it a good one!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
10 Sep 13
Welcome to mylot. You see as regards your discussion and point of view, I must say that it is your life and you have every right to decide how to live your life. If you feel that you are not going to find a suitable partner and consequently you will have no kids, it is entirely up to you. You see people have habit of poking their nose in the affairs of others. It is common, I believe all over the world. People do not mind asking irrelevant or silly questions, without bothering about the fact that this could hurt others. You should not listen to what others say. Live your life the way you want.
Having said that - I would say that there are man in this world, who are kind, respectful and considerate towards their partners.
All the best.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
7 Sep 13
You did make the right decision. I am like you and do not want to pay attention to what other people say. It is not their life it is mine and besides that most people make comments without knowing what another persons life is like.
I think you are right not to settle for someone that is not right for you. Families are forever.
Many people want things in place before having children such as financial security. The idea of being selfish because a decision is made not to have children is ridiculous.
That is my opinion.
1 person likes this
@terinah14 (28)
• Philippines
9 Sep 13
Having kids is a personal preference! I don't want to have kids in the future because of a lot of reasons and if people will judge me I'll just raise my eyebrow at them. So what if I don't have a kid, right? At least I don't make someone else feel bad haha, unlike those judgmental people out there. You are a strong and brave woman. Someday you will find the right man, the one who will respect you for who you are. You did the right thing, leaving that abusive man (if he is to be called that) behind.
@epiffanie (11326)
• Australia
26 Apr 18
I agree with you.. You are being responsible by not having children with abusive irresponsible men..
@Cherish1201 (45)
• China
9 Sep 13
i think you are being responsable for your future kid and yourself.
i support you *100000000 times
@happyhe (13)
• Shenzhen, China
9 Sep 13
I think you should be more confident, we are in new centry people, we can keep ourselves independent untill the right when we could meet the Mr Right, then we can have our kids.
neglect the judgements you get from others, they judged you because you are different, also because you are different, so you are gonna to be much stronger.Good luck!
@jewcial (135)
• Shanghai, China
9 Sep 13
Take it easy my friend ! In China we describe the old girl like u as 3S lady who always have high education, high income, high IQ ,i don't know what kind of person u r.
U know human's life is short , we shouldn't waste time on the attiude from the people who r not the rightman for u ,so keep ur chin up and live for the person who really cares abuot u !
Fighting my friend ,BTW i am 33 too !
@malleshop (17)
• Shenzhen, China
9 Sep 13
i don't get married yet,so i don't face this question,but i also think you are right,life is yourself,don't care others what to say.i support you!
