I haven't been doing so good.

I'll need to get back to you on this.

I think about God. I say a prayer each day. I can't say I know for real God exists. When I was young it was easy to believe. But I think it's better to believe in God because people need to be able to gather together in a church. I, myself, have trouble going to church because I can't stand sitting and listening to a preacher going on and on and on for the longest time. And I've heard it all before. The only part of church I like is the singing and the being around people. If God isn't there then who is our protector. So I lean toward believing. Also when you look around at all the beauty and I look at my kitty I recently got I think God must be here or God ran away because of what all mankind has done to the world.

@thedataminer You cannot be saved or truly be happy or find inner peace through going to church. You need a relationship with Jesus Christ himself. How do you do that? You pray to Him, telling Him your concerns, and asking for help. Prayer does help in a physical sense because God is physical, even though he is not physically near. I have had my share of pain and heartache including tremendous amounts of guilt. Regarding family and some choices that I have made, but I choose to think that nobody is perfect, so I can learn from my mistakes. You cannot dwell on the past because it will hold you back from your future and your personal happiness. I've had a similar situation with my family, but, remember, family can do things to you that can cut you deeper than a knife. Some things between families cannot be reconciled. I am distant from my family, but I have good reason. I would say you have good reason also, if it pertains to your health and happiness. Remember, sometimes family can be your worse enemy. You made decisions based on their actions. I know you feel guilt, but think of why you made those choices. If you think of the reasons why you left, I don't think you should be feeling guilty. If it was a family member putting guilt on you, forget them. Sometimes family causes problems. you don't need to be around bad company and that includes family in some cases. Getting back to the beginning of my comment, I have found that the most powerful and effective prayers are the ones that come from your heart when you have nowhere else to turn. When you are completely powerless over your situation and asking God to take control and trusting God to take control. He will answer that prayer quickly, but in a way that you don't expect. I can tell you a story about a pray like that later if you like. But for now, I think you need to keep that distance from your family.

Yeah I shouldn't of listened to a certain someone. This someone put a guilt trip on me and led me to believe she really cared about me. I didn't think of myself; my son and I travelled many miles back to the small city we thought we had escaped for good. And I did it thinking my son and I need to be around the family allot more. So we went back there, we both regretted it (me and my son) and spent 13 very miserable months in another old trailer that we'd lived in before. And family problems only got worse, not better as I'd planned and hoped. We got to go to 1 Thanksgiving and she (one who told me to move back closer) got mad over something very trivial and didn't welcome us or come and pick us up for Christmas. And the next year we missed both holidays to. So for the whole 13 months we saw the family just a few times. You are right. It's best to do what you think is best for you. And in a way you're doing a good thing, not a selfish thing. From now on I will live where I want. We did manage to move but we didn't have money to go far - we got to the next state and to another kind of uneventful city. It's a little better but it's not where me and my son wanted to end up at.

I watched online allot of documentaries on food and health on Netflix and learning certain truths about the US and other countries to; these things made me ever more depressed and sad. For I had learned about things that have been happening for years (decades). I had some big disappointments the past 5 years. I got problems with my dysfunctional family (siblings). The holidays are coming up and I know that none of them will ask or care if I'm present. I don't think I'd want to go there anyhow. Me and my adult son. And my other son usually goes with my Xhusband to his families. That's ok - I got no problem with that. Me and my 2 grown sons relationship is good. Oh my hobbys are things I do online. My depression is clinical, however, the pills I've had to take to prevent me having as many migraines do nothing for my depression. Actually I think they contribute to me feelings just aweful. Especially when I wake up I feel pretty bad; I tend to feel somewhat better until sleep time.

I'm sorry I forgot to thank you for your kind words. Thank you for caring.