urges to self-destruct

Quezon City, Philippines
November 3, 2013 7:05am CST
I don't want people forcing me to do something i don't want to. But then, i don't have a choice. I know this is the depression having it’s effect on me but do you understand what it’s like to feel like such a hypocrite always trying to support others and tell everyone that it gets better and it’s possible to get through whatever they’re going through and then I can’t even fix myself? I think I’m happy and solid and I believe it but then I feel like this and I feel like I’m a lie. I may seem calm and okay outside, but i'm panicking and ranging on the inside. I’m at conflict inside myself and as hard as I try to pretend like it’s no big deal, it kills me within.
1 response
Bluedoll
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
5 Nov 13
Yes it is real. People need good thoughts, hope and words that are up building. You gave something and I do think by reading what you wrote that it was sincere and very real too. I have the same thoughts as you. In conversation with someone about being happy or not happy, this person said to me to consider happier. That made more sense to me. Sometimes we just need someone else that will reflect something back.