Life is so unfair

Tweet

It's been a month now since our break-up. I still text him but he don't reply. I know that I shouldn't do that but I miss him so much. I’m still hoping and waiting for him even though I’m not sure if he’ll come back. Maybe, I just can’t accept that we broke-up with no reason at all. I want to give him the space and time he needs for him to think but it’s really difficult for me. For nine years, this is the first time that we did not talk and communicate. Even we were in a long distance relationship before, we did not stop communicating, only now. We never had a big fight. We had misunderstanding and quarrels but we did not end our relationship. However last month, I don’t know what happened. I tried to recall what had happened but I can’t figure it out. Maybe, I’ve done something wrong that’s why he left. Maybe, he’s tired of me already. Maybe, he wants to have a life without me. Everyday I cried. When I woke up in the morning and even before I sleep I cried. My heart hurts when someone mentions his name, when other talked about how strong our relationship, when they talked about their boyfriend and when I watched television or listened to music. I left at home very early and go home very late so that I won’t mind the time. In school, I always make sure that I’m always busy. I even do the work of others just for me to keep busy. But still even how busy I am and trying to focus on my work, he still on my mind. Sometimes, I'm not aware that I'm crying. My co-teacher will just ask, why I’m crying. I’m crazy, isn’t it? Before, I can’t wait till its Friday so that on weekends I can rest. Now, I have when it’s Friday ‘cause I don’t know what to do at home. So, even Saturday I go to school and go home late, doing some work that must not. I hate Sunday because I don’t have reason to go to school. Sunday is the worst day for me. All day I cried. All day I felt the pain. All day I think of him. All day waiting for him. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so confused. All I think now is just to be invisible. I want to go to a place where no one knows me. No one could let me remember of him. A place that there are no memories of him. But I don’t know where to go. I always have headaches and body pain. I know that my body can’t take anymore the work but I just need to do it for me to focus on something. For me to live. School days will end in a week and I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me after this week. I don’t want to stay at home. I don’t also want to see my friends since I know they will just asked me about him and I don’t know how to answer all their questions ‘cause even I don’t know why. Well, I always asked that question, why we end up like this. Why this is happening to us? Why? How long will it take? Until it doesn't hurt to talk about him. How long will it take? Will that day ever come? When it doesn't hurt to think about him? When will I accept that fact that he left me? I wish I could answer all those questions.