Lost?? Confuse??

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It’s been almost 5 months now but still I’m lost. I thought living from home will makes me feel better. I thought I’ll be able to find myself. I thought that I will be okay. Rather it makes me more confused and lost. I’m working in a call center because I’m searching for an answer. I’m wondering what’s with the work that makes someone change. What’s with the people and the environment. I’m too curious... Unfortunately, up to now I didn’t find the answer but rather it makes me more confuse and lost. When every time I’m at work, I just can’t concentrate it. I am there but my mind is somewhere else that’s why I was always scolded by my trainer and my performance was so poor. I even forget how to speak and I can’t even express my thoughts. My mind is so empty... It’s so funny when every time I’m going home from work, I always got lost. I didn’t notice that I’m riding the wrong jeepney or tricycle. I lost so much weight, from 40kgs (February 2014) to 37kgs (July 2014). Isn’t it amazing? No wonder, 'cause I don’t eat. I always lose my appetite. I also cannot sleep, so I consulted a doctor to asked a prescription for sleeping pills but unfortunately, she did not issue me one ‘cause it finds out that I have an “Anemia”. So, instead of sleeping pills she prescribed vitamins and some medicines. :”( Well, honestly I did not buy any of it. My friend keeps on telling me to move on and be happy. I’m trying actually but it doesn’t show.. Honestly, I really don’t know myself now and I just don’t want to make any plans. All I know and I want is to see and talk to him. But that’s too impossible ‘cause he doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore. It’s just so hard to live and be me without him since for the past 9 years I’m used to his always there. Sometimes, I just want my brain to stop working and hoping that I won’t wake up anymore ‘cause in my dreams he’s always there. Yeah, I know I’m crazy... :(