The Reason why I cannot be in love
By beautifulzhu
@Winnezhu (4)
Shanghai, China
December 14, 2014 1:49am CST
Let's talk the reason why someone of us cannot be in love...Is there a period time during which there is not just no right ones beside you? So how can we meet the right ones...
2 responses
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
15 Dec 14
Because you ARE the right one!
There are several sayings about 'being the one you love the most.' The first one I think of is,"But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well
See you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself"
That doesn't mean 'you should commit to being single.' It's more like ... well, there was a time when I tried to learn "pick-up tricks" from the pick-up 'gurus' out there (and there are LOTS of them), but the best one I ever heard was "go to the bar/concer/club/whatever [B]TO HAVE FUN![/B] You're not 'going on a search for a new lover or new one-night stand or anything but FUN."
If you're out there & everything you do is FUN, you'll find that the right people also want the FUN that you're having. If you have FUN dancing, your invitation to dance with someone isn't "Wouldd you please let me take you to the dance-floor," it's "Hey, I'm gonna dance! C'mon!" & then heading out there whether they get up or not.
Either way, you're having fun out there!
I realize your situation may be different from that ... you're the princess, locked-away in your tower, waiting for your prince to swoop-in & rescue you. I'm kinda the same way; except I'm the prince, but an injury disabled me & made swooping-in kinda impossible
The secret--I think--is your 'focus'---where you place most of your attention. Kinda like your 'life-goal.' What do you want it to say on your tombstone? I think I want mine to end--after whatever else my loved ones may put on there, including 'good writer,' 'deep thinker,' 'fun uncle,' 'lived life to the full,' etc--with "... whether you like it or not!"
Living in a 'whether you like it or not'-way (with my understanding of it ... yours may be different & possibly wrong), I find I don't care too much whether anybody finds out that they need me in their life---you might say, "I've got God with me; if you like how he is with me & want to be part of that, go for it! If not, we're fine!" ... until God says otherwise
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
17 Dec 14
@Winnezhu Writing a lot helps very much.
Your writing (we'll get back to your friend in a minute) is much better-received if you add double-spaces---an empty line every 1, 2 or 3 sentences. (Think of it like your message is a meal ... no one eats a whole hamburger or pizza in one bite; why do you think they'll read your message in one 'bite'?)
You might want to show your friend the test at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp Human Metrics. It'll show where she fits in with others. (example: I'm an ENTP (Inventor)
(I have-a slight preference of Extraversion over Introversion (11%), a slight preference of Intuition over Sensing (12%), -marginal or no preference of Thinking over Feeling (1%) & -moderate preference of Perceiving over Judging (33%), much like Richard Feynman, Leonardo da Vinci & James Cameron).
@Winnezhu (4)
• Shanghai, China
15 Dec 14
It's a very deep thought of you...Looing back on my life, I found out that I have always been longing for loved ones. But the more I desired, the less I got. Then I begin to deny the need of intimacy. Now I came over the stage of denying and decided to solve this problem...There must be something wrong. I'm tired of waiting passively. Knowing what I want the most, I'm gonna struggle for it...After all,the least I want is another few years repeating again and again...I agree the most that fun is the ultimate goal we search for. Only if we learn to be funny ones, can we attract interesting ones..Whether we are having someone or not, all we had is fun. Having some one around sometimes would be great fun. However, if you are alone, you should try to have fun by yourself, too..
1 person likes this
@Winnezhu (4)
• Shanghai, China
16 Dec 14
@mythociate Yeah.It's very thoughtful..Can I talk about one of my friends named Lucy. It's OK for me to help her to tell her story.
When she was a child, behavioral inhibition exists obviously in her temperment. You can imagine that she was born with poor social skills. Some children were born with good social skills..She had problem of facing with her uncle. When her uncle talks to her, she was so shy that she was always crying.
Hardly did she start talk to others, usually others raised questions to her and she had no problem of answering back except when her uncle talked to her.
So there is hardly communication between her and her uncle...
During her school life, this continues. She was always avoiding others, when I ask for the reason, She said that she was more convinent being with herself. She was alwasy obedient to her teachers, but hardly had her own thoughts. She studied well, but not the top student.
She was so passive in relationships that she was always waiting for others to talk to her and she was even thinking that if others don't talk to me firstly why would I talk to them firstly. She was always avoiding eye contact with others thinking that she didn't want attention from others. This continues even when she went to college. So we can guess that she hardly made any friends in school. She had no one to interact with, so even if she studied so hard at school, she never get to the best cause communication and discussion is also needed. You cannot do it all alone. Getting to the study thing, group discussion is necessary, cause you formulate and correct your thought through others' questioning. Your own thoughts is not always right..
Thus, lack of peer relationship and communication with others, she was very depressed now and ask for help. When there is someone talking effusively, she envies so much and wish she could talk like that too. But she had little knowlege and experience. Always lacking of social skills, she thinks she had trouble building relationships with others. As she didn't talk too much, she didn't know what to say when she was with colleagues...
This should be an age of being happy and enjoy life most of the time. Comparing to others, she leads a less happier life...Relationships should be made, whether it's with collegues or friends, she didn't think she can get it. Now she realized her EQ is lower too much than others. and she want a change...asking us for advice..
@savi473 (1)
• Varna, Bulgaria
14 Dec 14
Love is something very complicated and very hara have been deceived by her.
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
30 Jan 15
@vee310 Haven't you seen MATRIX REVOLUTIONS, when the program Ramachandra tells Neo "Love is just a word; what has power is the force the word implies!"