jokes

One day there was this little boy named Johny he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no. Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z" Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a" Then she said "Where is the p." Lil Johny said "Running down my leg."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Santa? Nothing, they both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks!

LALOO to his PA:- Itne Khiladi Milkar FOOTBALL ko Laat(Kick) kyun maar rahe hain? PA:- GOAL karne ke liye Sir.. LALOO:- Susri, BALL to pehle se hi GOL hai aur kitna GOL karenge ??

The time.. since I met u I have realised that s friend like u is worth million dollars.. so, if u don't mind Tumhe Bech doon Kya?

Q: What wud u call a girl who never laughs?? Ans: Hasina (Hasi-na)

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Vajpyee and Musharraf decided to visit each others country regularly. The first visit was by Musharraf to India. There Vajpyee showed him Indians modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Musharraf made a call to Zia-ul-Haq in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes ! The bill for the call came to only Re.1. When Musharraf came back, he also wanted Pakistans telecommunication systems to be at the best when Vajpyee visited Pakistan. Suitable arrangements were made. Vajpyee came to Pakistan, visited the telecom department and talked to Rajiuv Gandhi in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500! Vajpyee asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in Pakistan ?" A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From India to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from Pakistan it is long distance!".

i have one:) A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000. She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

Very funny.

santa singh was seducing a women in the bus. woman: aap accha nahi kar rahe hai.!!!!!! santa: aab crowd me to is se accha nahi kar sakta hoon ji............????

What Women Want In A Man: What Women Want in a Man, Original List (age 22) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover ========================================================= What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head) 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week ======================================================== What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42) 1. Not too ugly (bald head OK) 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends ======================================================= What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52) 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends ========================================================= What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62) 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend ======================================================== What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72) 1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that she looks extremely beautiful when her lips r closed!

This is not meant to offend anyone. I got this joke from a book. What is the german word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.

its..gud

Q. Why are Hindi speakers at their best when they have a cold? A. (putting handkerchief over nose and mouth) Ahh chaah!

teacher: john, tell two of ur favourite numbers john: 438 and 627 teacher: good! now add those two numbers. john: Oops! my favourite numbers are 0 and 1!!! Hi..Hi..

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy. Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?" James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "......James Bond." Then Bond asks: "And you?" Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao... Siva Rao... Samba Siva Rao... Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..." Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"