A little worried

Tweet

Exhausted from the day and I am a little worried about my mentalit . When I got home from work after a miserable day of arguing with my significant other via text and dealing with retail zombies upset that their price on an item was off by a few cents, I decided to take a bath. While in there thoughts drifted threw my mind, what if I were to drift asleep my body slipping under the water. The warm water starts to fill my lungs slowly. The lack of oxygen causing me to drift into a even deeper sleep till there is nothing at all. I realized as I was thinking this that it didn't frighten me, that the thought relaxed me, easing my mind of all the frustrations of the day. What I am wondering is why it didn't scare me, am I that far gone that I don't mind the thought of never waking up? That I don't mind leaving my menial life behind me? Is everything in my life that horrible that I feel like it's my time to finish? If anyone has any answers or similar feelings please express them to me. I feel so numb inside when I know I shouldnt. I feel like nothing will change once I am gone. And another thing I do deeply want to express I am not suicidal, I don't cut myself not do I enjoy the thought of it. So please don't assume that I am. I am nearly wanting to know why I feel this way? If it is normal? Maybe some suggestions as to how I can change this.