Need some legal advice on how to deal with an annoyance
By Sissy15
@sissy15 (12290)
United States
September 7, 2015 3:22am CST
Alright, I've posted about wanting some legal advice on bubblews for something entirely different, but now I need it for something else entirely. My boyfriend keeps getting these FB messages from some girl he ALMOST got with once, and she hasn't left him alone in 6 yrs (ever since we've been together), she's crazy. She has said that he is the father of her child, which he's not, because they've never slept together, something she later admitted.
He has blocked her on FB, and blocked her number, and some how she keeps getting through. He doesn't want to change his phone number because he would have to go through and change it everywhere, which is a royal pain. She will send him messages saying she loves him, and that she wants him etc.
Today I had enough, I sent her a message telling her she is crazy and needs medical intervention, and that she is basically scum going after someone who is clearly in a committed relationship etc. Nothing threatening her life or anything like that, just telling her what I thought of her, I mean this has been going on for 6 YEARS! I finally couldn't take it anymore. It unnerves me when someone has so little respect for another person's relationship. Anyway my boyfriend has told her point blank to quit calling several times. He resorted to playing a few mind games with her, because she wouldn't leave him alone, and was still spreading all of these lies, although said mind games were nothing like what she was doing. He just figured if she wouldn't leave him alone maybe he'd at least give her a taste of her own medicine, not that it worked, because she's already too crazy for that.
Anyway, we've thought about filing a restraining order on the grounds of stalking, but I don't think that would work because she hasn't made any actual threats. She's just constantly bugging him, and trying to come in between us not that that's working, it's just irritating. I mean she's insane and seriously needs help. Is there anything we could legally do about this? Especially considering we've also struck out against her after several times of telling her to go away, I'm pretty sure that would go against us, I'm sure we should have been more adult about it, but darn it makes me mad. I know people who would have done worse. Anyone have any advice? Or been through something similar?
1 person likes this
1 response
@yukimori (10145)
• United States
7 Sep 15
Your best bet for getting legal advice is going to be to talk to a lawyer in your area, because they'll be familiar with all of the relevant laws that could apply. If you're not able to afford it, check into something called legal aid or something similar to that in your area. They typically provide legal help on a sliding scale based on income.
As for dealing with her, you could try sending her a cease and desist letter by Certified mail, which would basically be a "go away and leave me alone you psycho" thing. Of course you'll want to phrase it differently. Something like "Name, I have repeatedly asked you to stop contacting me. I am not interested in having any relationship with you, nor will I ever be interested in such a thing in the future. Cease and desist all contact immediately."
The only problem with sending C&D letters is that they sometimes cause the person to escalate, and then you wind up with crazy throwing a tantrum on your lawn.
The one thing I would definitely do is contact your local police department and find out exactly what can be done about the fact that she's harassing him. They should have a non-emergency number listed in the phone book or on their website. Call that and talk to someone. Give them an outline of what's been going on, and get copies of texts and voicemails if possible.
I hate to say it, but he probably is going to have to change his number. I know it's inconvenient. Does he really want to keep dealing with this garbage, though?
From this point on, document everything. Keep texts, copy voicemails, everything. You're going to want to build a papertrail of all of the contact. He's also going to need to quit engaging with her. If he answers and it's her on the line, he needs to hang up immediately. If she calls back, it needs to go to voice mail.
In other words, he needs to be a complete black hole to her. She can send whatever she wants at him--texts, voicemails, smoke signals, whatever--but he needs to quit engaging with her. Same to you. When you reply to whatever she's pulling, you're teaching her what it takes to get a rise out of you. She called five times before you picked up? You've taught her that you'll answer the sixth time, so she'll do it again.
Play the long game. Don't engage her, and if she shows up at your place call the police and tell them there's a crazy person that's trespassing. Don't open the door, just call. Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll throw a donut at an officer, which would land her some nice bracelets to go with the assault on an officer charges. 
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
7 Sep 15
It hasn't been in person, only via phone, text, and FB messages. I hadn't said a word to her until today, and it's been going on for 6 yrs, I was hoping by doing so she'd get the clue, because until today she has never bothered me just him. I sent it through his FB not mine. She doesn't have our address thankfully, and we don't have hers. Today was our end all convo with her, we wanted to make our point and see if we could avoid this. We'll find out soon if it's over. I just want to make sure I have the information just in case.
We can't afford a lawyer, and the few times we've tried legal aid in the past they've never been able to help. He called the police department today to find out about where to get papers for a restraining order, only I wasn't entirely positive if this would qualify for a restraining order. After today, though we agreed we would no longer talk to her. We're hoping she takes the hint. He's blocking her again, and I have her blocked as well. I'm hoping today was the end, but I'm preparing for more.
@yukimori (10145)
• United States
7 Sep 15
@sissy15 She's not going to get the clue because she's not capable of getting the clue. Continuing harassing a person for six years isn't normal.
He needs to change his Facebook privacy settings to keep her from sending him messages. He needs to do what it takes to keep her from calling him. If that means dealing with the inconvenience of changing his number, it's going to have to be. I'd suggest an app like Mr. Number, but it sounds like she's probably using different numbers to get through so that wouldn't work.
You need to contact the police department again and ask specifically about harassment and documenting it. I don't think you have quite enough for a restraining order at this point, but if it's allowed to continue she might escalate to that point.
There's really no point in continuing to put up with her bull. I'm guessing that she will try to escalate once she figures out that she can't get through to him at all. That's usually the point when the extinction burst kicks in and the off-the-wall behavior gets worse.
He might try calling his phone company and asking them if there's anything they can do. They have ways they can trace calls, but it might have to be set up on the line ahead of time.
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
7 Sep 15
@yukimori IDK I think she might be more talk, she has always avoided me like the plague when we were out the few times we saw her at the store. I am not exactly holding my breath, but I would like to wait a bit and get a little more proof now that we plan to stop responding. My issue is that she knows a lot of my friends and family, no one close though, some cousins that I have never said as much as a hi to, and some girls I went to school with, but I'm waiting for her to say something to them. If she does at least I'll get some evidence to use against her.
He has already blocked her again, and he's done it in the past, he can't figure out how it keeps coming unblocked (I'm guessing it has to do with FB changing their settings and etc). I really hate the idea of going to court if I can avoid it, simply because I do have anxiety and the idea sends me into a panic attack, but so does she, so really at this point it's going to come down to which is worse. I just think it's best for us to gather a little more evidence. She has bothered him off and on over the 6 yrs, it's not consistent, it's random reappearances. Today he told her exactly what would happen if she continued and I told her what I thought and that we were done dealing with this. Regardless if we hear from her again which will probably be any time between next week and next year we'll take that evidence and use it against her, but in the mean time we'll probably look into a few things and have it at the ready.
