How many times are to many times to marry?
By Sandy KS
@rusty2rusty (6763)
Defiance, Ohio
11 responses
@TexanTornado (5573)
• United States
3 Oct 15
I don't think there is a matter of 'allowing' someone to get married. That is totally up to the couple themselves. I myself couldn't/wouldn't marry a man who has been divorced 7 times before meeting me. It would tell me he has commitment issues, isn't into giving the marriage his all. Not to mention to have to deal with 7 ex wives. 
3 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
5 Oct 15
Lol, true. I keep dealing with my boyfriends ex-wife. She seems to never want to go away. Which is weird because they don't have any kids together.
1 person likes this
@TexanTornado (5573)
• United States
5 Oct 15
@rusty2rusty Oh jeeze. Sounds like someone can't move on. You might want to be careful and tread lightly.
1 person likes this
@TexanTornado (5573)
• United States
5 Oct 15
@owlwings Ok, you got me there. That is true enough. However, I think she lost her head to marry a man who had two wives beheaded.
Ok, you got me there. That is true enough. However, I think she lost her head to marry a man who had two wives beheaded.1 person likes this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
2 Oct 15
It takes two to make a marriage. I don't think there's any question of 'not allowing' two people to marry if one (or both) of them have been married before, however, they should be encouraged to think very carefully about re-marrying if they have been married before and the marriage(s) have ended in divorce.
It depends a great deal on the history of why the other marriages ended but if someone has been married as many as 8 times before, it would seem to me that that person clearly has an emotional problem or is constantly choosing the same kind of person.
My brother has been married three times. I don't know what the problems were that caused the break-up of the marriages each time but I know that all ended reasonably amicably. I can only conclude that some people are incapable of maintaining a satisfactory relationship and always will be.
3 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
3 Oct 15
I divorced my first husband because he cheated, moved out and abandoned his family. I have been separated from my estranged husband since 2009. I and him are both in current relationships with other people. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. I plan to live with him forever. No plan to marry again. However, I don't feel I should be forced to live alone the rest of my life because the men that married me decided to cheat and abandoned me for someone younger with no kids. After they each gave me children.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
4 Oct 15
@rusty2rusty It is certainly not for me (or anyone) to judge or condemn because nobody can know all of the reasons for a break-up. That is why I instinctively balked at your use of "should be allowed to marry", as if there should be any kind of 'law' about it. I realise that you may not have meant it quite like that!
I do think that, in general, there ought to be more education about relationships and the choosing of a life partner than there is. Most young people (and more mature ones, too) are simply left to 'get on with it' and find out for themselves by trial and error!
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
2 Oct 15
You see there is no hard and fast rule. It is an individual's choice to re-marry. However, if in a normal circumstances a wife or husband can't adjust with each other then there is no guarantee that they will be able to adjust in their second or third marriage, if any of them decides to get remarried.
2 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
3 Oct 15
I love the idea of marriage. being able to have someone on your side, to have your back, to support you, to have your trust and best interest without worrying about being alone. To bad more people don't understand what marriage is meant to be.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 Oct 15
That does seem a bit extreme. I can understand one divorce.. perhaps even 2... but I think even 3 is kind of pushing it. You should learn after your first divorce to make better choices and maybe get to know the person better before choosing to marry them.
I am still on my first marriage. We've been married 12 years. We've been together since I was 21.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
4 Oct 15
@katsmeow1213 I married the first time at 19. A month after I had our first child together. He cheated and moved out of state to Arkansas with the woman.
I married my estranged husband after living with him for nine years. When we married he changed into a totally different person I did not recognize. On our first anniversary is when he shot me. Moved us to Florida with in a month of shooting me. Took a couple of years he than abandoned the two younger kids and I back in our state in 2009. I had three by this time.
Met my boyfriend about two years later. Been with him four years.
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
3 Oct 15
I think it seems a bit extreme as well. But I am on the verge of a second divorce. My estrange husband and I have been separated since 2009. Since, he abandoned us. Once I can afford the divorce it will be done. Right now I don't have over 2000 dollars to start a divorce. There will be no going back. As I can never trust him again. It scares me even think of marrying or having to go through the process again. I feel I will probably live with my boyfriend of 4 years (end of this month) and never marry again. Twice was enough for me.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 Oct 15
@rusty2rusty Well see, that was out of your control. I get that people change and have different values after time... so if you marry young the first time I can see how that could lead to divorce. After that you would normally be a bit more careful choosing a second spouse... but even then, especially if you're still young, things may not work out. At least you seem to have learned after the 2nd time. This day in age you don't need to be married to be happy.
@rebelann (112785)
• El Paso, Texas
3 Oct 15
I've never married, I like to do my own thing and when a guy starts trying to take charge I get defensive and pretty soon he wants out, good for me cuz I don't need to be controlled. As for how many times, well, if 7 of your spouses passed away I'd find a priest and ask for help, if you've been divorced 7 times then I've gotta ask why bother with marriage when all ya want is to shack.
2 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
5 Oct 15
Good point. I am the point i would rather enjoy life. Not worry about being married.
1 person likes this
@rebelann (112785)
• El Paso, Texas
6 Oct 15
That makes sense to me @rusty2rusty I've never liked the idea of bein chained to anyone anyway, besides, these days it's easy to give the babe their daddy's last name if desired or if he was a jerk just don't tell him he's a papa.
1 person likes this
@arthurchappell (44998)
• Preston, England
2 Oct 15
There should be no limit - it's up to each husband and wife really. I know a few people where I meet every new relationship they start with 'oh no, not again'.
2 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
3 Oct 15
I agree. I wish it wasn't as expensive to get a divorce. People are going to do what they think is right to be happy. People grow and change.
2 people like this
@arthurchappell (44998)
• Preston, England
7 Oct 15
@rusty2rusty I would be wary of marrying a woman who had already divorced several times. I'd wonder how long I'd last too
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
8 May 16
Wow 8 times! I hope the 8th time is the charm. I am not married but I hope not to have to deal with a lot like that, just one would be ideal. But of course I cannot predict the future
@RajaKrishnan (10)
• Bangalore, India
5 Oct 15
There are people who get it wrong every time they marry. for them, it is better to allow them to remarry as many times, till they get it right. There is no point in staying with the wrong person for a life time.
I personally believe that marriage itself needs to be done away with. The institution of marriage has lost its purpose and utility. Time has come for societies to discard marriage and strengthen individual relationships. I know very well that many will object to my views as it may hurt their religious and societal values and sentiments.
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
5 Oct 15
My first marriage, he cheated, my current and estranged married, he cheated and abandoned the family. I am at the point of being afraid to try a third time.
2 people like this
@simone10 (54187)
• Louisville, Kentucky
9 Oct 15
@rusty2rusty I can understand you feeling that way. I did find love again and a good man. Unfortunately he passed away after we were dating for a year and a half. After that, I haven't looked for anyone else as my heart wasn't into it. That's been almost 20 years ago.
@Kchitij2007 (445)
• Pune, India
2 Oct 15
If you are marrying more than once. Something is definitely wrong with you or your choice. There is hardly anything left holy in the world. Marriage should not be one of it. One must realise the seriousness of this life-time commitment and once you do, you will choose your spouse more carefully and stick to him/her more faithfully 
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
3 Oct 15
I know I have made two bad choices when it comes to marrying. I love the idea of marriage. But fail to find the one who could give me support financially. I don't blame them entirely. I failed to recognize the signs and tried to fix something that was broken. I failed to realize the problem wasn't me. It was them. I don't plan to ever marry again. I tried twice and failed.
1 person likes this
@Kchitij2007 (445)
• Pune, India
4 Oct 15
@rusty2rusty Well don't beat yourself over something that has already happened. Culture and surroundings do play a role. People in the past had a lot less divorce rate, does that mean they were all smarter than us in meeting and marrying the right spouse the first time? Divorce in U.S. is much higher than that of any asian country. Its a cultural phenomena of which we are inadvertently a part of. So don't blame yourself and stay strong .
.1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
29 Jan 16
I personally know someone that was married five times before getting it right. She's now been married for over thirty years.I'm sure she could share what happened, but I've no idea. I'm with owlwings in that I don't think anyone should be banned from trying again.
