Valuing Yourself

I valued myself during my ex and my marriage, but I am wondering whether he really valued me or not. If he had, he wouldn't have done what he did and asked for a divorce on Christmas Eve, 2005. I thought I valued myself, but he made me feel like I wasn't worth anything, but now that we are divorced, I am more valuable than ever.

these days i've lil self-worth coz i used to be a doer 'n now i'm a recoverer. here's ya a lil ditty from kahlil gibrans book - the prophet: "but let there be no spaces in your togetherness..." "love one another, but make not a bond of love..." "sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of your be alone..." each's their own views on marriage. when 'nother person smothers ya, abusive in any fashion, the safest thing fer ones sanity 'n safety is to dissolve such'n arrangement.

If we do not respect ourselves how can we expect respect from others. I know my strengths and no one can touch me and that is my undoing. I do not have many friends. Friends always try to help you the kind of help I do not need.

I wasn't getting you to follow anything.. nor was I trying to influence you into anything.. Like I said I was talking about normal marriages and not about abusive marriages.. Even in normal marriages there are people who cheat and do their own kind of thing.. that was what the point I was making there though I didn't openly mention it. Coming to your point just because I compromise or do things out of love for my husband I do not become a door mat or lose my value. My value as a person is in what I believe I am.. it is not about how others treat me or what they think of me. I am sorry if I have hurt you .. the discussion was a general thing not aimed at anyone.

I honestly dont think that everyone needs to be in a relationship, or needs to always be in one.

i do know but there was a time when i didn't

What you want in a relationship is someone who values you, and lets you see your worth. Someone who doesn't value you for who you are doesn't really love you. Some people will decide that they are not valuable, because their partner doesn't value them. That's sad, and it can be very destructive. But it has to go both ways, each recognizing the worth and value of the other.

I think that you speak of how many women of my generation may have done themselves. And, they tend to stay for the children and I think that is old fashioned thinking. I have issues with my self worth due to severe depression and such. Depends on how I feel and my anxiety level at the time. It may seem strange but that does have a lot to do with it.

Others can value us, only if we value ourselves. At times it misfires, and we may actually seem to be proud, arrogant, or whatever. But it is better than being a doormat and being unhappy for the entire life with no hopes for happiness.

Interesting My take - 1. The first and foremost - if you want any relation to survive, you must be willing to let it survive. Because this "will" of yours is going to decide the rest of the things. assuming you have a "will" to keep the relationship, you have next to decide how far will you go to keep this will of yours alive. And this "far" determines whether you lose your own self or keep you own self alive. 2. Every relation is based on - Give and Take rule. You Cannot expect things to be one sided if the relation should last for long. As you spend days, months, years with the one involved, you realize s/he has good and bad - both sides. Now all upto you if you go with good, ignore the bad (doesnt mean that you dont try to get the bad converted to good, but do not superimpose yourself on the other when doing so). If all fails, one has to adjust. Now, if the desire to be together and keep the relation is alive, it does not matter in the long run. At the end, it is the relation that matters. And in adjusting, it never means that you lose your value... because if you lost your own value, the relationship would stagnate and never move forward.

I value myself enough to not stand for any abuse, whether it's physically or verbally.

I think that marriage is give and take. I have never felt that I didn't value myself.

I am so sorry to say that nowadays these values has been Gone in India. Due to the AARSHA bharath culture everything has been doomed my dear friend. Have a great day dear.