Should your marriage choice be based on friendship?
By John Welford
@indexer (4852)
Leicester, England
October 16, 2015 5:39pm CST
I have just seen the following advice on another site: "Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman" (and presumably the same applies the other way round).
But is this sound advice? Should friendship be the main factor in choosing your life partner, or should you be looking for something more (or less) than that?
11 people like this
20 responses
@GardenGerty (160996)
• United States
17 Oct 15
I do not think it is the only consideration, but it is one aspect.
4 people like this
@celticeagle (168473)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Oct 15
This is a interesting poll you have started. I think that friendship is very important. The marriage relationship has a really good start if there is a good friendship that binds it together. I think it should be ONE of the main factors but not the main one. If that is ALL you have then it is apt to run aground at some point. You have to have an attraction and a loving feeling for that other person If not, all you have is a friend you are married to.
3 people like this
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
16 Oct 15
I guess most marriages started from friendship. Before going steady, the couple were already friends. That is why they end up in marriage or living together. There are those who just know each other and then became boyfriend-girlfriend already but I guess they had been friends even for a short time.
2 people like this
@indexer (4852)
• Leicester, England
17 Oct 15
I think there are some marriages that are originally based on lust rather than love. A couple fancy each other rotten, say "let's get married", then do so in double quick time. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.
Then there is the tradition of arranged marriage in many communities - the couple have often not met until a day or two before the wedding.
Friendship can therefore come later - if it never comes, the marriage is unlikely to succeed.
2 people like this
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
17 Oct 15
@indexer Okay, I haven't thought of that. Yes I know there are arranged marriage too. Here in our country, there are tribes that have this tradition. They had their children marry at a very early age. They are still children. Their marriage lasted for years.
They also have multiple marriage for men only. A woman can only marry once. A man as long as he is wealthy and can support several wives, he can marry provided the first wife will consent to his succeeding marriages. These marriages last forever. There must be friendship within the man and his wives in order that their situation continue forever.
I belong to the christian community so our men are allowed only to have one wife.
1 person likes this
@Lushlala (4028)
• Gaborone, Botswana
25 Oct 15
@indexer I strongly believe that a marriage that is based solely on lust is very unlikely to survive. As we all all know, love evolves and changes all the time, and in the end you need a lot more that lust to sustain a healthy, meaningful marriage. At least this is how I see it. Plus lust fades over time, and when it does, you had better have a lot more to your marriage to keep it going.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (61703)
• Centralia, Washington
17 Oct 15
The movie Spencer's Mountain comes to mind. The Dad in that movie says he knows his son loves this particular girl BUT does he like the girl?? I agree deeply that a person needs to be friends with their mate otherwise the storms that come will rip the two apart.
1 person likes this
@BACONSTRIPSXXX (14351)
• West Haven, Connecticut
17 Oct 15
A good relationship is key to a good marriage! Communication is key!
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Oct 15
Maybe not the main factor, but it's a huge consideration. If you can't get along as a friend, what are you going to do when you are older, the kids have moved out, you have money troubles, medical issues, etc.?
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
19 Nov 15
I disagree. I think you shouldn't base your decision to marry on 'whether you like them.' Because there should be times when you hate them.
@Lushlala (4028)
• Gaborone, Botswana
25 Oct 15
I think having friendship as the basis of any relationship, including a spouse, certainly helps. My husband is my best friend, we laugh together, have a lot of similar likes and dislikes, have the same values and principles, and I think this is part of the glue that hold our marriage together. We like and love each other very much.
@bookbar (1609)
• Sudbury, England
17 Oct 15
Not sure I was feeling that selective, when I made that choice, but we're still really good mates 50+ years later, so can't really make a worthwhile comment...
@pcunix (210)
• Middleboro, Massachusetts
17 Oct 15
While that may not have been foremost in my mind when we married 48 years ago, I really don't think you actually have love without friendship. You might have lust, you might see many other reasons to marry, but without friendship, I really don't see it as a great marriage. Sure, you might have other reasons that keep you together, but you are missing something quite important if you are not BFF's.
@akshat007 (156)
• New Delhi, India
17 Oct 15
You may evolve from a friendship to marriage or you may ultimately find a friend in your new partner. Either way you cannot miss that important candid stage.I believe that friendship is prime and what binds and keeps us going. :)
@wiLLmaH (8802)
• Singapore, Singapore
17 Oct 15
@GardenGerty is correct, one huge aspect to consider.
@intal_carl (299)
• Quezon City, Philippines
17 Oct 15
For me friendship is the start of everything.
@Freelanzer (10743)
• Canada
17 Oct 15
Friendship for sure is important but it is not the only thing. We look for certain things in a partner, it could be money, security, looks tall, short, chemistry, and a myriad of things. So I may not marry a "friend" if he doesn't have some of the things I may be looking for, but I may marry someone without developing a friendship if he fulfills my needs requirements. You can also become best friends. I don't think I thought of my husband as a friend when we got married - we didn't have enough time to develop a friendship but he is my very best friend after the fact.
@anushreem (333)
• Mumbai, India
17 Oct 15
I think friendship is important as if you cannot be a friend with the person then you might not think of spending your entire life with him/her.
@poehere (15123)
• French Polynesia
17 Oct 15
The only choice I made in marriage was a mistake. I was way too young and my marriage didn't end well. Well anyhow the guy I married was like a friend to me, but we were too young both of us and had a baby way too fast. I'm glad for my daughter but not glad for the marriage. Once I make a mistake I decide not to repeat the same mistake twice. I learned from the first and didn't try it again.
