How I wish to have a good sleep
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
China
October 24, 2015 5:43am CST
As some of you know ,I have spent the better part of every day attending to my Mum who is 94 now ,since I retired .It is a tough job indeed. She has a problem with short-term memory in which she keeps asking same question ,even asks me “when do we take lunch?“ just after lunch. I have to bear with her and answer her again and again .I should make allowance for her being up in years .However the problem above pales beside the one below. She now has poor time perception .
(don’t know if this word is accurate),so to say ,she often mistakes morning for afternoon or takes night for morning .Nearly every night ,she gets up at midnight and dresses herself ,saying “ Day breaks ! I have to be up !”She has her own bedroom ,but the noise she makes is loud enough to break my sleep .I always roll off the bed right away and get to her room persuading her to go to bed again. Last night ,I hardly slept a wink. She got up ,I let her lay down ,half an hour later ,she got up again ,then …like this five times altogether .
In no way would Mum mean to awake me .She can’t help it .I have no choice but to catch up on some sleep I lost at noon .
18 people like this
18 responses
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
24 Oct 15
You are such a good soul to watch after your elderly Mother like this.
Yes that is correct, time perception.
I truly wish you could get a good rest, as you need it my friend.
5 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
25 Oct 15
Thank you !I only do what I should .More tough job awaits me .
3 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
28 Oct 15
@changjiangzhibin89
She the job will become harder as time goes on.
3 people like this
@arthurchappell (44998)
• Preston, England
28 Oct 15
it sounds very distressing for you. As @Marcyaz indicates it sounds as if she is succumbing to Alzheimer's. It may not be serious but it always gets worse. Some sufferers can endanger themselves by wandering away from home as they forget where home is or how to get there. One lady I knew went from making sandwiches which she left rotting hidden round the house to randomly turning the kitchen gas on which came close to blowing up her house. It might sound amusing to those not experiencing it but it can be deadly. When that stage is reached care homes can become essential as much as you might want to care for your mum at home. Take care of your own health and get as much advice and assistance as you can.
4 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
28 Oct 15
Thank you for your concern !The case you refered to is not alarmist talk . I know what will happen to her as time goes by .In no way would I let her stay alone .Sadly there is no certain cure for this illness .What I can do is to do my best to care for her .
4 people like this
@arthurchappell (44998)
• Preston, England
28 Oct 15
@changjiangzhibin89 just from your words above it is clear you love her and that you'll stay by her all you possibly can - she is very lucky to have you.
4 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
25 Oct 15
@changjiangzhibin89
Your welcome, sorry you have been rushed off your feet lately to bad your wife had to leave to go to her parents house.
3 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
25 Oct 15
Thanks for commenting ! Yes ,she must suffer from that kind of disease ,though not serious .My wife has gone to her parents',so I have been rushed off my feet lately .
3 people like this
@much2say (55601)
• Los Angeles, California
12 Nov 15
That is tough - but as always I think that's wonderful of you to take care of your mother like you do.
My father in law always had insomnia - but no wonder as he often took a nap in the afternoon (he retired very early in life). He would get up late at night and fix himself a snack! And then when mother in law claimed she could no longer take care of him and he was placed in a home, he was up at odd hours as well. So I think they (the caretakers) eventually did whatever they could to keep him awake during the day so that he would sleep better through the night. He just naturally never slept for long I guess. But I know for your mom is it her condition and not being able to realize the time.
You are a good son, @changjiangzhibin89 !
2 people like this
@much2say (55601)
• Los Angeles, California
12 Nov 15
@changjiangzhibin89 I can only imagine that once you get her to go back to bed again, it must be difficult for you to get back to sleep again. It's good she is able to be up and about on her own during the day - I hope you are able to get in some nap time for yourself during that time!
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
13 Nov 15
@much2say I must say she does very well in terms of her age ,she does nearly everthing of her own in daily life ,including dress,gets washed ,etc.Yes ,now I take a nap after lunch .
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
12 Nov 15
Thank you ! I just do what I should do,because she is my Mum who once suffered untold hardships to bring up me .Yes ,the elders tend to sleep in snatches.In my mum's case ,if I don't get up to talk her into going to bed again ,she would sit until daybreak and catch a cold .
2 people like this
@Carmelanirel2 (8084)
• United States
25 Oct 15
I'm sorry, that has to stink. Is there any natural plants or herb that would help her? I thought I had read something, but I'm not sure and if not for her time perception, maybe something that will help her sleep?
4 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
26 Oct 15
@Carmela It is difficult to cure it , though She is at the initial stage of the senile dementia .I don't know what will happen to her as time goes on .
4 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
26 Oct 15
@Carmelanirel2 Thanks for your concerning ! She has a weak heart and takes several kinds of medicine every day .I know some herbs that help it ,but they do harm to her heart .Don't know what soothing herbal teas you have .
4 people like this
@Carmelanirel2 (8084)
• United States
26 Oct 15
@changjiangzhibin89 I didn't mean to cure her, but to lessen the symptoms so you can get some sleep. I heard some herbal teas is soothing, does she like tea?
4 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
3 Dec 15
Will the doctor give you medication to help her stay asleep?
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
4 Dec 15
She doesn't seem to suffer from sleep disorder,only naps too much by day and has a problem with time perception .
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
5 Dec 15
@ElizabethWallace Thank you !I know what you meant .In terms of her age ,I can't find it in my heart to get her to take medicine so that I can sleep well .
2 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
4 Dec 15
@changjiangzhibin89 My concern was not with her getting enough sleep, but with you getting what you need. If she sleeps through the night, then you could too.
2 people like this
@youless (112481)
• Guangzhou, China
11 Nov 15
I can understand how difficult it is for you to take care of your mom when she is so old. Maybe you don't realize it yet, but you also need to take care of yourself, too. You are not that young who can carry everything by yourself. Perhaps it sounds to be cruel for Chinese, but in fact a nursing hospital may be good for the olds who are diable to take care of themselves. You shall not feel guilty to it because you are already a very good child to your mom.
2 people like this
@youless (112481)
• Guangzhou, China
11 Nov 15
@changjiangzhibin89 You have a good memory
Yes, my son still plays the piano, but I never force him to do so. I know the teacher may not be happy to it, but my son just practises it for about 1 minute everyday
I just think it is better than he doesn't practise at all
Besides, he started to learn French horn when he was a grade 4 pupil. In fact I told him it was OK that he didn't join it, but somewhat at that time many pupils seemed to be keen on joining the symphony team (about 64+ pupils in every grade), so he joined it with his own wish. Today he may feel regretful for it since he often has to go home late or spend some spare time to learn it in weekends. But he can't complain to it because it is his wish at first.
As to your mom's situation, I know it is really hard. Some people are just inconsiderate and may still judge you. This is wrong. Nobody knows how stressful to take care of a patient at home all the time. You not only suffer the physical exhaust but also mental torture.
Perhaps have a walk with your mom in day time and therefore may be she can sleep better at night?
Yes, my son still plays the piano, but I never force him to do so. I know the teacher may not be happy to it, but my son just practises it for about 1 minute everyday I just think it is better than he doesn't practise at all Besides, he started to learn French horn when he was a grade 4 pupil. In fact I told him it was OK that he didn't join it, but somewhat at that time many pupils seemed to be keen on joining the symphony team (about 64+ pupils in every grade), so he joined it with his own wish. Today he may feel regretful for it since he often has to go home late or spend some spare time to learn it in weekends. But he can't complain to it because it is his wish at first.
As to your mom's situation, I know it is really hard. Some people are just inconsiderate and may still judge you. This is wrong. Nobody knows how stressful to take care of a patient at home all the time. You not only suffer the physical exhaust but also mental torture.
Perhaps have a walk with your mom in day time and therefore may be she can sleep better at night?2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
11 Nov 15
Thank you for your kind words !Yes, by tradition ,we attend to the elders at home .In my case ,my mum now can take care of her daily life herself except the problems above .In addition ,I dubious about the service quality of some old people's home on top of the fact that I can't afford it .Wow! Your son has become an young chap now , Is he still playing the piano ?
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
12 Nov 15
@youless You are right !Now I talk her into sleeping less by day .She now seems to sense that she has disturbed us at night ,so she doesn't go to bed until 8 pm in hope of not getting up that often at night .As for hobby ,your son will be a man of varied powers ,though due to peer group pressure in a way .My granddaughter learned to play the erhu for 3 years,now gives it up.For one thing ,she is burdened with study ,though she is a grade 4 pupil;and for another ,she seems not to be fond of doing it ,so I leave it alone .
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
30 Oct 15
@changjiangzhibin89 That's natural that become impatient. I think even i would get impatient also .
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
30 Oct 15
Filial duty was drummed into us from childhood ,but then,you can't help paining you to see parents growing old and failing in health .To be frank with you ,there are times when I become impatient .
2 people like this
@Letranknight2015 (51957)
• Philippines
7 Nov 15
Wow! that's a tough job alright. Looks like I'll be doing the same thing starting the end of this month, because of my grandma coming over and staying here for good. Im relief to know that i won't be alone in terms of taking care of the elderly. I hope my grandma doesn't reach that stage were she would have a hard time sleeping.
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
8 Nov 15
Yes ,taking care of the elders makes heavy demands on us.We all will get older,so we should do our best to attend to our parents as they are still alive .
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
18 Nov 15
@Letranknight2015 Don't worry about it ,by the time you get old,you can go into a better home .
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (51957)
• Philippines
18 Nov 15
@changjiangzhibin89 I don't have kids. not sure if any one will take care of me when i get old.
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
11 Nov 15
Thank you !Considering her age ,she does very well .She can take care of herself in daily life as a whole .
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
22 Nov 15
Thank you! Now I catch up on my lost sleep by taking a nap at noon .
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
30 Nov 15
Thank you ! My wife helps me with it every day ,only she went to her parents' when I started this post .Now she has been back home .
2 people like this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
19 Nov 15
Has she been to a doctor? maybe she should be examined so you can face the reality of what you are dealing with.
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
20 Nov 15
She has been admitted to hospital for many times and was diagnosed heart failure and slight encephalatrophy.However she can take care of herself as a whole .
1 person likes this
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
28 Nov 15
Oh so sorry for that.but both you and your mom need proper sleep for health because of you not sleep proper the nit will effect you on your health,its also disturb your routine work of day. But I am very happy for one thing that you are taking good care of your mom at her age 94 and problem of memory loss. In this days people not like to live with parents and put in nursing home you kept with you which is very good. I and you also know that your mom is suffering from memory loss and that's why she is doing otherwise she will never do this. while you young at that time she done lots of thing for you by without sleeping so may be its your time to take care of her because mother is mother and if we make them happy then its something will good happened to us.i just wish that your mom become alright and you can sleep peacely.
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
29 Nov 15
Thank you very much !Over here we overall take care of the old parents at home .For us ,It is what we are duty bound to do .
2 people like this
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
29 Nov 15
@changjiangzhibin89 that's really great and that felling understand all then it will more good because in this days couple not want old people in home as feel like headache but they don't know they are good adviser and love caring person.
2 people like this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
8 Dec 15
This must be really stressful on you as a caregiver here. I think the problem is that she is napping too much in the daytime that is affecting her sleep at night.
Maybe you could organize to have your neighbors to come and join her for some gathering like tea, chat or a game of cards to keep her occupied. In this way, you can go about doing the needed chores while she would not be napping during those times to affect her at night.
I don't think she needs to medicate but she really does need to change her lifestyle
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
10 Dec 15
@changjiangzhibin89
I see you really have quite a bit on your hands now. Do take care of yourself at the same time. All the best.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
10 Dec 15
@artemeis Thank you ! It is really a tough job ,but I am bound to do it well .Needless to say ,attending to the elderly involves a lot of work that tests your patience.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
9 Dec 15
That is where it is indeed ,but I can't keep her from napping by day.As for gathering,she has problem with talking with others.She is hard of hearing due to the diuretic for her heart failure.
1 person likes this
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
13 Oct 17
I lived through something similar with my Granny when she had Alzheimer's. She would not sleep unless someone was in bed with her. I have no idea why but it was always hard to get her to sleep and for her to stay asleep when I left the bed. She would also wake up at random times in the night and want to leave the house. One such time was during a horrible thunderstorm. Lightning was crashing and she wanted to go outside to look for a baby. She was reliving something from her childhood. The storm brought the memories back. We just have to deal with it.
1 person likes this
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
13 Oct 17
@changjiangzhibin89 Yes and there are no cures for this disease. It is very sad and frustrating to watch a loved one go through the process and it can last for years.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
14 Oct 17
@Shellyann36 Yes,it was a really tough time when we were mentally and physically exhausted .
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
13 Oct 17
It was a really rough job to care for your Granny then.Sadly so many old people suffer from Alzheimer now and even it is not known what causes this disease.
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
20 Dec 15
It is indeed a terrible problem when the concept of time goes.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
20 Dec 15
Now ,how I want to hear the noise she made when she got up at midnight ! I feel sorrowful over the fact that it is very quiet in her room all day now .
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
20 Dec 15
@changjiangzhibin89 Time is a good healer my friend. You are left with happy memories which will fill the void.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16762)
• China
10 Nov 15
Thank you for your kind words !My wife went to her parents' ,both of them are 90,when I started this post .Yes,my Mum can clearly remember things happened dozens of years ago
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