Is your friend a friend

I have found that work friends, even if you socialize outside of work, soon fade away. Because work was the main thing you had in common and once that's gone, everything seems to fade.

if it's always you then it's not really a two sided friendship, sad but true

There are factors here that need to be considered, which you are not considering I suppose. Towards the end of my graduation there was a time I was badly off..very badly off...if my friends from college had dropped by, I might not have managed to offer them a cup of tea. I walked back each day from college and office, and washed my clothes each night...managed in just about 4 pairs of clothes...the pants often had a tear at the end...the part that touched the ground, and the center of the footwear had a hole so much so as a colleague had remarked there is a hole there. I merely said ..I don't have time to shop. I never let on that I was in hand to mouth existence. I hate taking help. I hate being pitied. So there I was managing somehow...pretending I loved those clothes they were lucky for me, and what not...and lost touch with all my friends. Girls get married their surnames change...there is no way I can contact them again. Fast forward, I do have a neighbor who has seen me from that era and has remained friends with me to date. But I rarely call. I feel I will be telling her my problems and making her unhappy, which is the last thing she deserves. If she calls also, I try to avoid at times when I have something that is unsatisfactory in my life. I don't know if I have been a good friend. I only know that one of my friends had volunteered to pay for my post-graduation, and it was a tempting offer, and I never wanted to go through that temptation again. I think of them yes, fondly. Contacts, we don't have.

I have to admit that if something small bothers me in a friend, I may not keep in touch with that friend. After reading this discussion, I decided to send an Email to an old friend from the college days. We used to study together, but, he was more into practice and less about understanding the foundations and theory behind the exercises. Well I survived for one more year than him, but, I also dropped out. I regret I stopped calling him and seeing him. Maybe I felt he slowed me down, but, at least he made me study instead of being lazy... There are more friends I almost stopped staying in touch with and I regret it now. I'm still not sure why I keep some friends and why I don't keep in touch with the others... The considerations are not always done with awareness and it's more a process in my subconscious. I think it will be better if I think about it and check my reasons.

It's generally down to me to make the effort.

Yes, Yes and yes.. I have had those type of friends. Or those friends who only contact you when they need something. Yeah. I hate that too.

A healthy friendship should be a two way traffic. One cannot always be the one who do all the actions while the other just sit back. I have a best friend forever since our school days. Until till now when both of us are already grandmothers are still in constant contact. She has become more of a sister than a friend to me.

That has happened to me too. I was the one always contacting my friend back in college and when I left for Uni I decided to stop and see if they would message me or ring. Nope :(

That's a very powerful message

Well i have sucj friends too and to some extent i felt like a bother and stopped contacting them as well

We get in touch once a year. I have internet friends and I chat them every time though they seem very busy with their lives. I still hope we could still talk like how we were before. No, we don't have our own families yet. We're still young.

the best friend is who knows his friend's best friend

A good friend will always be interested, and ask how you are already. They always keep in touch once in a while and always remember! If they don't show up or keep in touch at all, then you have to decide to keep you distance or to keep that friend who doesn't care at all. Always remember: friends care.

If they cant make the effort and you find that they are as un useful to you as you are them, let em go. No sense in keeping up a one sided relationship. Gets awfully lonely waiting around. I know, been there done that, lol.

I often have to be the one to keep in touch. Had dinner with a friend tonight that is sort of that way, except hubby set the whole thing up for us two couples. Others, when you do not hear in forever, then suddenly they contact you, well it makes you skeptical. In the case of your work friend though, he may have subconsciously felt shame at having been made redundant and relating to you may have reminded him of that.

I worked for 23 years with the same staff and we were all prettyclose friends tooSo when I retired they had a party for me anmd gifted me with 200 dollars; each one told me they would stay in tou ch and hugged me. Now we all knew each o thers phone numbers as the manae had made a sheet then copied it so we all h ave those nuymbers did I get a call from anyone? No I d id call some several tie ms buthey wedre all out.Yet I shopped in Larwing square where we all shopped and ran into five of my friends they hugged and again tol me we will call youl. ujh huh sure out of sight out of mind.

I have one person in my life that I know is truly a friend to me. We both make the effort to see how each other is doing. Other than her I don't have any friends for the same reason, not enough effort was being put forth.

I'm the person that is erm.. notorious at keeping in touch with friends. I do think of them frequently, but I'm just not great at reaching out. Sometimes I wonder if I was bothering the person, maybe they just wanted to be left to it.

I have some friends that continue to keep in touch and a few that I would never hear from if I didn't make that phone call to say hello.

With the internet and texting it is much easier to stay in touch. We moved so often when were were raising our kids I left a lot behind. Lost now for sure.