What's your breaking point in a relationship?
By Fam Idea
@famidea (111)
Manila, Philippines
November 17, 2015 8:58am CST
My husband and I have been through a lot of fights for more than 5 years of being together. It's normal for any couple to do that, right? But sometimes I realize it can be very exhausting.
We fight over little things and sometimes big things. I find it so lonely when he does not come home. I understand, because of the nature of his work. He is a driver's assistant for a delivery truck. because of the truck ban, he can't come home early. So I allow him to just sleep over to his friends' apartment rather than travel an hour all the way home. If he ever comes home, he will mostly eat then sleep. No time for me anymore.
We almost reached the breaking point in our relationship because I have some trust issues over him. Still, we made peace for the sake of our kids. I don't have the courage to leave him.
I haven't reached the breaking point. I'm afraid to get to that level. Because in spite of all the flaws I see in him, I still love him so much.
15 people like this
15 responses
@Rationalwriter (1813)
• Lucknow, India
17 Nov 15
I hope you don't mind my question here!! Can you please tell me what made you have the trust issue??
@Rationalwriter (1813)
• Lucknow, India
17 Nov 15
@famidea Seems like you need to have a long chat!! If you still have any doubts yet, then it's better if you talk it out!! Otherwise, if you have alrady forgiven it then let it go!!
2 people like this
@famidea (111)
• Manila, Philippines
17 Nov 15
No, I don't mind. There's a time when I checked his phone. There's no suspicious text message nor call history. I have no bad intentions when I borrowed his phone. I just wanted to go online so he handed it to me freely. I accidentally came across the WiFi setting because my wifi was acting up that time. I saw that the phone got connected to a "Lorena". I know who that girl is. It's his friend, she's pretty and younger than me. When he's only my boyfriend, he used that girl to make me jealous when we fought. He said he just "accidentally" saw the girl at the mall. Okay, acceptable. But if you see the girl then why do you have to connect to her wifi? It goes to show that they've had a longer conversation.
he said sorry, he claims that he's not doing anything bad like cheating or whatsoever.
I got over it, anyway. Now tell me, Is it wrong to forgive my husband? I did. He might be telling the truth. I don't know. Only God knows.
2 people like this
@famidea (111)
• Manila, Philippines
17 Nov 15
Yes, the last time we talked I opened up everything to him. I felt some kind of relief after doing so. He noticed that I've been so quiet the past days that he offered a conversation. And thankfully it turned fine. Still, your advice to go on marriage counselling is really needed. I don't know about him but I do think that will be of huge help. Because I badly want to save the marriage.
2 people like this
@moffittjc (121487)
• Gainesville, Florida
17 Nov 15
@famidea There's a good chance he probably does too. Perhaps he has the same feelings you have, and just doesn't know how (or feel comfortable) opening up about them. Us guys are horrible at that. Maybe he still loves you dearly, but feels the relationship has become stagnant or complacent, and just doesn't know how to fix it. There are so many things it could be. I support the idea of marriage counseling, because it's worth a try to save a relationship. It does sound like you two do still love each other!
3 people like this
@srisahara (4508)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 15
Try to be patient with the situation, as long as there is no cheat with another women try to save your marriage. I think the main problem is the job of your husband that take much of his time, so he does not have time for you and family. If you have bravery try to talk about another job that gives him to have more time for you and children.
1 person likes this
@famidea (111)
• Manila, Philippines
18 Nov 15
You are right. I guess my breaking point is knowing that he's really having an affair with another woman to the point that he will choose that woman over me. Now I am only concern about his job and not having enough time for our two sons. Hopefully we can do some adjustments and have some more quality time together.
2 people like this
@famidea (111)
• Manila, Philippines
18 Nov 15
@srisahara yes I will. thanks so much for your advice.
1 person likes this
@babaraimc (1310)
• Pakistan
17 Nov 15
I think this so your too personal matter so i avoid commenting because it may hurt you
1 person likes this
@babaraimc (1310)
• Pakistan
18 Nov 15
@famidea every one got different views about privacy, i will never share my matters with others
it is not that you did wrong
but i just like it my way
1 person likes this
@famidea (111)
• Manila, Philippines
18 Nov 15
@babaraimc I respect your belief. And I appreciate that you also respect mine :)
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
17 Nov 15
We all have issues in our marriage and ML's advice is good. Go to a marriage counsellor or talk to your minister or priest whoever is your spiritual advisor. If he is sleeping over because of a long drive home you need to understand that.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
18 Nov 15
I haven't found my breaking point yet. I have been married almost 13 years. My husband and I fight a lot too. He also works a lot of hours. I don't mind the hours he works anymore, after awhile you get used to it, but it used to bother me awhile ago. Now we just fight over usual stuff. He's forgetful, he doesn't help much around the house when he's home, he plays video games too much... that sort of stuff, nothing extremely major.
I think you and your husband just need to have a heart to heart and talk about all your feelings until you both feel better.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
21 Nov 15
@famidea Yeah that would be a good idea, or even just go out with some friends too. You both just need a break from the monotony.
1 person likes this
@famidea (111)
• Manila, Philippines
21 Nov 15
With that, I just realized that we should go on a date again, just us without the kids. That's how we could reunite again as husband and wife. Hopefully, we could. We have toddlers right now and it's not easy to plan a date without including them. Still, thanks for your advice. I'm actually looking forward to a heart to heart talk with my husband.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (165795)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Nov 15
One thing that I hear a lot in relationships is that two people get together and become committed to one another and really don't even know each other. Then there are other times that other things are going on in the relationship and they are actually nit picking about issues that aren't really the issue at all. If it is a big issue it really should have been discussed before committing to one another.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (165795)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Nov 15
@famidea....It takes getting to know the other person and then it isn't near as hard to do.
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
30 Nov 15
you and him need to take time to talk to each other. just sit and talk. you are very understanding towards his job and i think you are right doing that. but you also need some romance in your relationship. you need care and attention. otherwise it will break sooner or later 
talk to him and open up your heart and say everything you are feeling. if he loves you for sure, even if he is busy with is job, he will find his time to be with you. because in the end of the day you are his love and that surpasses anything even a job.
talk to him and open up your heart and say everything you are feeling. if he loves you for sure, even if he is busy with is job, he will find his time to be with you. because in the end of the day you are his love and that surpasses anything even a job.1 person likes this
@wiLLmaH (8802)
• Singapore, Singapore
18 Nov 15
@famidea We went for a dinner last Saturday. I told him that we never have had a fight, we both laughed. He smiled and told me that he never had a dull moment with me. He looked into my eyes and told me "I really love you.. I love you so much." 
1 person likes this
@Vivenda (583)
• Portsmouth, England
18 Nov 15
I have been married to the same guy for 43 years and, since we DO talk to each other, I certainly can't say, "and never a cross word"! I think, though, it helps that we met at uni and were friends in the same group for several months before we got together. One thing we've always held to is the old adage of not letting disagreements fester overnight. Even if we still disagree, we make up before going to sleep - and recommence hostilities on the next day if necessary! We usually find it isn't, though.
1 person likes this
@Auntylou (4264)
• Oxford, England
21 Nov 15
You make me laugh when you say that you resume hostilities the next day!
@famidea (111)
• Manila, Philippines
21 Nov 15
Wow. 43 years is like a lot! A lot of years of love. I like it when you said that you've been hanging out with the same group of friends before you got together. My husband and I were friends, too before we became lovers but we didn't have the same group of friends like you did.
1 person likes this
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
18 Nov 15
understanding is more important in this case and second thing is trust if both available even in one of them then never come in to break condition.if you have fight it means definitely love there otherwise not so dont fear you love both each other to much.
enjoy life
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
18 Nov 15
@famidea yeah because if you not face problem it means you not tried to learn for new thing
@EMbakes (1142)
• Philippines
14 Sep 16
I know for sure that your issues with him can be settled if you open up your heart to him. Your even lucky that your husband really works hard for your family. Rather than focusing on the negative side, just divert your attention to other stuffs. When you get to appreciate life without having to be too dependent on him, he'll surely come back running for you.
@EMbakes (1142)
• Philippines
14 Sep 16
And with regards to the trust issues, do you happen to be suspecting of him doing something? Because if he's cheating, that surely is a serious offence.
