Do you have a problem with receiving gifts or help?
By Maggs
@maggs224 (2320)
Alicante, Spain
November 22, 2015 9:41am CST
I think that I was born a happy giver. I never had any trouble giving things or help when I could. I still don't, but at one time I had a real problem receiving either gifts or help.
If I did get either I needed to pay back at least something of the same value or greater. I never saw this as a problem until one day in my early 40s.
A friend gave me a large sum on money that we were not in dire need of. I had written off our family car in an accident and the sum was enough to get another car. But we had insurance and so we would not be without a car.
I tried to give the money back saying how much we appreciated the thought behind it but we had it covered. But our friends said it is a gift and we could do with it what we liked.
This was the first time I was on the receiving end of something like this. It was through this incident that I found out that I had a real problem with pride when it came to receiving.
Has receiving gifts and help ever been your problem?
I found out back then just how much grace it takes to be able to receive with out the need to pay it back in kind.
The photo has nothing to do with the post but I like it and I thought I would share it anyway.
15 people like this
16 responses
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
22 Nov 15
You are very wise now Maggs. I agree that we have to swallow our pride sometimes and accept things gracefully. There is a pleasure in giving, and we shouldn't deny that pleasure to anyone that wants to give us something.
I remember that I daren't say I liked anything in my mother-in-law's house as she would immediately want to give it to me, and be hurt if I refused. So I just learnt not to admire anything 
However, nobody has tried to give me enough money to buy a new car - that was most generous indeed.
However, nobody has tried to give me enough money to buy a new car - that was most generous indeed.3 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
22 Nov 15
We don't like getting things from people either, I do feel the need to pay it back. Unless it's family.. that's different. We have an aunt who gives us money occasionally. She has plenty, she knows we have little. She has money put aside for us that we'll inherit when she passes away, so I don't really see it as a gift but more of an advance of the money we will eventually receive from her anyway.
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
22 Nov 15
hubby is like this. I can accept gifts, I've been in situations where I had too. So I learned to set pride aside. I just tell myself when I can, I need to do some big things for others, pay it forward
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
22 Nov 15
@maggs224 Exactly. So Bob wont' let you pay him back, someday you will have extra when Sue needs it.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
25 Nov 15
@Jessicalynnt That is right Jessa as the old saying goes "What goes around comes around" or my favourite "You reap what you sow"
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
22 Nov 15
@Jessicalynnt I like to think of it as sowing seeds that one day will provide a harvest for me. I may not get it back from where I have sown but I always get it back with interest. I like the idea of paying it forward.
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
24 Nov 15
like yerself, i've always been the giver 'n've done so freely throughout my lifetime. that'd be most diff'cult, to keep those funds when 'twas no need, but i'm certain it made 'em feel better to give such to ya. no doubt'cha put such to good use :)
i like the photo, though the sight 'f that water jest sent 'nother chill down my spine, lol. tis downright frigid in these parts. please send me some sunshine 'n warmth!
big hugs 'n love!
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
25 Nov 15
@maggs224 see? ya paid it ferward :D i adore that pic! 'tis that a bridge 'f sorts one can walk 'cross to the lil isle?? yes ma'am, feelin' warmer already - big hugs!
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
25 Nov 15
@crazyhorseladycx It is not something that I would like to walk on as it spends almost all its time submerged. There are all sorts of stuff growing on them. The rocks looks very pretty with the plant life but I would imagine that it makes them slippery. As for the little Isle, it would not be worth the walk, it is just a pile of huge concrete blocks. The only thing you would find there is sea birds and their droppings.
Here is a photo of the other causeway down the other end of the beach when the rocks are exposed so you can see what I mean
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
24 Nov 15
@crazyhorseladycx I wish I could say that I was able to use it right away but I ended up putting into the Post Office Savings account where it sat for nearly two years until we found a good use for it. Though for the life of me I cannot remember now what we spent it on. I have a feeling we bought sound equipment for the church with it in the end. So I guess at that time I still was having a hard time receiving a gift lol...
The photo is me down on the sea front taken by my son on a lovely warm day so I hope it warms the cockles of your heart lol..
1 person likes this
@CRanney (437)
• Wingham, Ontario
23 Nov 15
Sometimes life forces us to ask for help. I used to have a huge problem with asking. When it was offered saying yes would choke up in my throat but sometimes for my childrens sake I had to accept the help. People that offer gifts in life are very few. There is very little one can get without a price attached. I am grateful to those who helped when I was in need.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
23 Nov 15
@CRanney I think that unfortunately Colleen you are right, very often what is being given is not really a gift as there is a price attached,
I think that maybe because this is so often the case we sometimes have difficulty accepting because the price they want is too high. I don't mean price only is monetary terms either.
@MichelleBwriting (22)
• Buffalo, New York
22 Nov 15
I don't have a problem with receiving gifts if the gift is called-for (Christmas, birthday, etc.). I do, however,have a very hard time receiving help. I, too, enjoy giving and helping, but have a hard time receiving. Maybe it's pride, maybe it's ignorance. I just know that I'd rather give than receive. Maybe I, too, need to learn to receive?
2 people like this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
22 Nov 15
@MichelleBwriting Giving to others, for a lot of us, certainly comes easier than receiving does.
It is easy when the gift marks something like a birthday, marriage, graduation etc but unasked for or uncalled for well then it is much harder. Being able to receive graciously gives joy to both parties.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
24 Nov 15
@valmnz I took the money Val but I guess I was still not good at receiving gifts because it sat in a Post Office Savings account for a couple of years before I found something that I felt right about spending it on lol... Still that was the beginning of that particular journey for me.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
22 Nov 15
@MichelleBwriting You are very welcome Michelle, it is very kind of you to tell me that, you have made my day.
@MichelleBwriting (22)
• Buffalo, New York
22 Nov 15
@maggs224 You are 100% right. If we enjoy giving so much, chances are, those givers feel the same way. We are truly robbing them of the gift of enjoyment. In a way, it's being selfish. Thanks for making me see that! :)
1 person likes this
@simone10 (54187)
• Louisville, Kentucky
23 Nov 15
I know exactly what you mean and I still struggle with it at times. There have been times when I didn't have the money to buy anyone anything for Christmas and I asked everyone not to get me anything. But no one listened and it was so hard for me.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
24 Nov 15
@simone10 I think that most of us can empathise with you but the sad thing is, those feelings rob us all. It robs the giver of seeing joy on the face of the receiver and it robs the receiver of being able to enjoy the gift to the full.
1 person likes this
@antonbunot (11093)
• Calgary, Alberta
27 Nov 15
We should make a little change of the saying - - "It is better to give than to receive!" . . We should say . . "It feels much better to give than to receive!" . . Hmm, I don't see any difference!
. . Hmm, I don't see any difference!1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
28 Nov 15
@antonbunot I think that you are right it is better and it also feels better to give than to receive lol...
@whiteream (8567)
• United States
23 Nov 15
Some people are better givers than receivers. I think that it is not as easy for me to receive. Great topic, as it has made me look at myself deeper.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
27 Nov 15
@whiteream We don't often stop and reflect on why our behaviour is like it is. Sometimes we never give it a thought because we have always been that way, it is good sometimes to take a fresh look.
1 person likes this
@whiteream (8567)
• United States
27 Nov 15
@maggs224 my mother was the same way. This made me look at myself a little different as I have never thaught about it before.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
23 Nov 15
@LadyDuck Isn't it a shame that sometimes we look at the size of the gift when considering whether we can accept it. But we seldom seem to do that when we do the giving.
It is obvious that it was not too much as far as the giver was concerned rather a gauge of how much he valued the favour your husband did for him.
1 person likes this
