Why MyLot should be 'OurLot' – or why are some users all 'take' and no 'give'?
By Boingboing
@boiboing (13153)
Northampton, England
November 24, 2015 12:32pm CST
I wasn't sure what words to use: selfish, self-centred, self-obsessed, solipsistic (I LOVE that word), oblivious to all other users? I guess it doesn't matter what I call them because these people won't read this post. The people I want to moan about it don't read other people's posts at all. Some of them are very active members of the community but their MyLot worlds have no room for other people's MyLot words. I call them the 'MyLot not OurLot' users.
I only noticed it quite recently. There are members I always read and on whose posts I always comment. Many are very polite – they respond to my comments, some even drive me to irritation by questioning what I've said again and again (sigh) but they just don't read my posts at all. All their energies are focused on their own posts and not on anybody else's.
I know we all do things differently here. I know there's no right way or wrong way to do MyLot but I've had enough of the people who are too into their 'My' and not into their 'Lot'. Yes, you can say it's all interaction, it all drives earnings but personally I post because I want people to read and comment on what I've written. In return I'm going to read and comment on their posts. I'm not here to deliver one-way traffic, liking and commenting on the posts of people who never return the favour. So if I suspect you are one of these whose interaction looks like it's all take and no give, I'll be checking your statistics and dropping you like a hot stone because this is a community and nobody wins without the help and support of others.
42 people like this
36 responses
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
24 Nov 15
I try to share and share alike - whether it's commenting on your (a general 'your' meaning all) discussions or responding to comments on my discussions. Sometimes my head spins but I'm not making excuses for others nor myself. There will always be those who take an don't give - you say bye bye to them and move on. Same as in real life.
5 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
24 Nov 15
@boiboing I would say it does all even out, maybe differently but even.
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
24 Nov 15
I'm afraid that there will always be some 'takers', where ever you go. I seem to recall there were quite a few like that at Bubblews, too. Sometimes they have their own little clique and rarely stray outside it. One person I know has blocked a whole bunch of people for whatever reason (most of them are good 'interacters' as far as I know) and continues to sail the seas with her own little clique around her. Good luck to her and those like her, is all I can say!
I suppose that all of us have a limit on how much we can do here, so it's a little like one of those huge reunions where there's always one or two we encounter afterwards with a "So sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you properly!" or, maybe, "She was hogging that other group a lot, I wonder if she has something against me?"
Of course, I assume that you aren't so much talking about that kind of person but more the ones who just post and post as if their life depended on it and rarely if ever visit other people's discussions. There isn't a lot one can do about those, really. It's actually a waste of time and emotional energy to get wound up about them. Some of them, I know, are people who don't fit in well with society in real life - for whatever reason - and, somehow, typing here gives them a 'voice' they may not have a chance to use outside.
4 people like this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
24 Nov 15
Actually I wasn't intending to beat up on the 15 in 30 minutes people because they're very easy to ignore. It was more the people who interact but only on their own posts - as if the rest of us were only here to observe and comment and not as providers of something for them to read. It's like the people you meet at parties (since you started that analogy) who talk with you for hours and then you realise you know EVERYTHING about them but they didn't even bother to ask your name or try to find out anything about you. I hope that makes sense.
4 people like this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
24 Nov 15
I'm not actually having a go about the 15 per hour types as I just ignore their posts most of the time. I'm a bit miffed at the people who merrily take my comments on their discussions but can't be bothered to read what I've written. I'm looking for a bit more balance.
5 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
25 Nov 15
oh, i dunno. i think folks ought to read'n interact with schtuff they're interested in, not coz they feel they 'owe' someone the favor to do such. i surely don't 'xpect folks to drop by my place coz they feel such'n obligation.
3 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
27 Nov 15
@boiboing what??? 'cha mean i aint a fairy princess? 
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
27 Nov 15
@crazyhorseladycx - if you think you are then of course you are.
1 person likes this
@poehere (15123)
• French Polynesia
25 Nov 15
I just think a few members don't understand the finer art of communication. They are now so use to SMS, Skype, or having their nose stuck in a video game. I think they have forgotten that communication comes in a writing form too. They fail to see this one.
But then there is the basics of math involved in this one. The person calculates it like this 1 + 1 = 3. If I post 3 posts and I get 1 person to answer on all of them then I am 3 times richer and I have eared my keep for the day.
What they have missed is this one I like better the equation 2 + 2 = 10 Why because I look at it like this. If I post 2 and I comment on 2. I can keep the discussion going and I can gain more attention then I am 10 times richer.
People forget that communication is a 2 way street and it always isn't ME first and YOU never. It is a give and take rode on this site and this is the way the wheels turn here. To keep a well greased machine running everyone has to do their share. You come to my post and comment and I come to yours and comment.
But if you only expect a person to comment on yours the machine breaks down. OK my 10 cents worth for today. Thanks for reading.
3 people like this
@allknowing (137552)
• India
25 Nov 15
There is a very small group here who do get a lot of attention. Most of their posts get not less than 50 to 60 responses. It is better that we ask for the secret because there are several here with great posts but they do not get as much attention as some here as I said who get attention for their not so extra-ordinary posts.
I have stopped interacting with a few here who as you say believe in one way traffic. Soon one more will join that list.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (137552)
• India
25 Nov 15
@boiboing There are many here who work hard too but for some reason they do not get noticed. Your contention that those who you respond to or write comments on, do not get back.could apply to those who are doing well here. How do they circumvent all this?
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
25 Nov 15
To consistently get those high levels of comments, those members are working really hard at interacting around the site. It's not related to quality - not to say there's anything wrong with their posts, there isn't - but you can write amazingly well but get no action if you don't work your way around the site.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
25 Nov 15
@allknowing I am one person. I can't speak for all. Some arrive with a long established set of friends from other sites. I think that helps but others build a following quickly. I think a good avatar and a recognisable name help but of course if you can come up with interesting topics it helps.
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
24 Nov 15
Please forgive me for mentioning that other site but over in bubblews I read so many of the "read my posts or face extinction lectures" that I didn't feel right about the whole thing. I hear what you are saying and do like reading what you write but I'm afraid I might be one of the persons you are taking about @boiboing 
I just want to wonder around town and grab what I see that is interesting to me at any given second. Don't have a better system nor really want one. It was too much work over at bubblews for much too little. I'm sorry if this offends you but if I feel as much pressure to be a member here as I did over there. I will just leave or cut back to the point where I'm a casual member and then it won't matter anyway. Logging off.
I just want to wonder around town and grab what I see that is interesting to me at any given second. Don't have a better system nor really want one. It was too much work over at bubblews for much too little. I'm sorry if this offends you but if I feel as much pressure to be a member here as I did over there. I will just leave or cut back to the point where I'm a casual member and then it won't matter anyway. Logging off.@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
24 Nov 15
I was a totally lazy cow on Bubblews - just posting now and then to moan about not getting paid for the last few months. I didn't feel much of a sense of community over there. You are definitely NOT on my list - we've had a lot of chats about all sorts of stuff. I'm also not inclined to read too many posts about stuff that doesn't interest me so I'm no role model on this one at all. Sorry if this made you feel pressured - it wasn't my intention. The fact that you read it means you're not 'one of them'.
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
25 Nov 15
Thanks @boiboing for your response, the fact that I feel pressured is most likely my own problem. After reading this post and the comments over again I can see where a finger is being pointed and it does make perfect sense. It might be totally unjustified to say there are perhaps just as many playing the other game. That is they really only exchange with each other so to get to the top. Maybe that is the way the system should work. I don't know. But in the end I think you are right there should be some kind of balance established when it comes to reading each other.
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
24 Nov 15
Absolutely. I've noticed that. I'll admit that I don't go one by one down a list of comments but I read a lot from the new posts to make sure I don't miss too much.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
24 Nov 15
Good call - I usually check stats before I follow someone and if their responses are less than six times their number of posts I think twice. Your response/discussion ratio is almost 20:1 so you're obviously practicing what you're preaching here.
2 people like this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
25 Nov 15
Very well said. I've see them too, and when I changed my settings, and then changed them again because I over did the settings, I didn't see those who only liked anymore and never left a comment. I love interaction. I read and comment on everyone who does the same with mine. I learn so much when I do, and even get a good laugh once in a while which really makes my day.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
25 Nov 15
HAHAHAH, ya tbh most time "other people's posts" are forever more interesting than mine..
BTW, you actually get paid responding to other ppl's posts.. i don't think people realised that.
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
25 Nov 15
@boiboing Yeppers! writing a discussion is like having a child all hard work from conception, to delivery, to polish. Commenting is like visiting the baby, swing by make some noises and off again.
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
25 Nov 15
@Drosophila Hand it back to its mamma when it poops. Good analogy.
1 person likes this
@kayshope (1670)
• El Paso, Texas
25 Nov 15
Some are only here for the payout not the valuable friends we make while here. I have friends here from 7 diff. countries and am proud of it. The money isnt important. have a great thanksgiving day there...
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
24 Nov 15
people that do that I tend to not follow, I might read and comment every now and then but I don't go out of my way for them. You, among others, I think yay! and go read. lol
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
25 Nov 15
@boiboing not inane, hilarious. you could compile them into a compilation book, and I bet make money
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
25 Nov 15
I think that's true for everyone. If I see a member like you with (105) after their name, I assume they're still settling in. Then if I looked at your stats and saw you'd started 60 discussions, I'd be running for the hills. But you haven't. You've just got 2 so you're clearly working hard at interacting.
1 person likes this
@shellyjaneo (1081)
• United Kingdom
24 Nov 15
Surely these people will eventually not get anyone commenting on theirs if it it is obvious they are not interacting.x
@shellyjaneo (1081)
• United Kingdom
24 Nov 15
@boiboing Yeah I guess it's harder as someone comes across as really chatty but it might not be so easy to realise that you've been chatting with them only on their posts x
1 person likes this
@Morethanamom (1948)
• Canada
25 Nov 15
It is true, a lot of people can be more self focused than others. I am sure I am guitly of it from time to time as well.
