Why Do I Still Hope?
@jillybean1222 (6407)
November 25, 2015 4:20pm CST
Just a few minutes ago, I started listening to some Christmas music while cleaning my daughter's room. I tend to get emotional from Christmas music, always have. Now, since the death of my son, I get extremely emotional this time of year.
As I cleaned the room, a couple times I saw something out of place and couldn't remember for sure if I had moved it. (The room is a DISASTER!) So then, the thought struck: could it be a sign from Nolan? I've asked and asked and prayed and prayed and begged and begged and hoped.
Of course, once this thought struck and I started paying attention, there was no sign. I'm not sure why I bother hoping.
11 people like this
11 responses
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
25 Nov 15
Hello Jilly.
Of course you are going to be grieving so hard right now holidays make things worse btw I am not sure if I had known you lost your beloved son..I am so sorry to read it friend.
I am a believer, so for me a a sign would always be something I would be looking for.
You are a great to be holding up so well for your daughter too Jilly.
I get extremely disturbed around the holidays due to family not getting together and other losses.
2 people like this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
26 Nov 15
@jillybean1222 Welcome Jilly, always here for you friend
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
26 Nov 15
You will never stop hoping. No matter how great our faith and belief in the after life, it is normal to want a confirmation that Nolan is safe and happy and waiting for you. You know he is but I also know you will keep looking, it is just the way humans are. I am sending a hug. Happy Thanksgiving. I am so looking forward to being with my Daniel again.
2 people like this
@Juliaacv (51214)
• Canada
25 Nov 15
I know how you feel, I usually hold on tight to my emotions and then let them go and usually as a result I slip into a little depression shortly after Christmas. Our daughter's birthday would have been on Feb 16th, and her anniversary is on the second of March. There is a build up, no doubt to that, and I can understand how the sounds of Christmas songs would hurt. I think that Nolan is with you giving you the strength when you have to be so tired, but trudge on, hauling your kids to this event and that event, have you ever wondered if he's with you in the car?
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (51214)
• Canada
25 Nov 15
@jillybean1222 I had no idea it was his and your birthday just a week before his anniversary. It a heavy cross that we bear as parents who have lost a child, there is no doubt about it. I cannot believe that it will be 25 years this winter, that is an entire life without her. Its no wonder why I feel "lonely" on the girl front in our family. But I try not to complain. I'm sure that you pray that your children will never know the pain of having another family member go the way Nolan did.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (66854)
• Philippines
28 Nov 15
you have an angel now, my dear. and you have kids with you, and loving you like Nolan does.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (136446)
• India
26 Nov 15
You must be thinking a lot about your lost son and so it just your imagination.
1 person likes this
@DeborahDiane (40294)
• Laguna Woods, California
26 Nov 15
Losing your son must have been very difficult. I can understand why you get emotional about it.
1 person likes this
