What do you do with angry political family member at holiday dinner?
By LeVay
@friendlyopinion (77)
United States
November 26, 2015 2:04am CST
I just found out that our family's angriest member will join us for a holiday meal tomorrow. (Well, here's to another *intense* Thanksgiving Dinner ) This family member spouts some pretty crazy political conspiracies *every* time he shows up for a holiday gathering. No matter how we try to diffuse the discussion with "happy talk", this family member will inevitably start in on this stuff...
Last year it was "Obama is going to round up all republicans and put them in internment camps". The year before it was something about Black Helicopters.
The rest of us don't agree with him, of course, but we just don't enjoy arguing. Most of us have the philosophy "you can be RIGHT, or you can be HAPPY." Therefore, we don't feel it's worth arguing about this stuff, so we all just keep trying to change the subject, rather than have an unpleasant shouting match at dinner. I'd rather be kind to him regardless of what he says.
The last time we got together I hit upon asking him details about our family history, and I got him to tell some cute stories from his childhood, which kind of changed the subject for awhile. It worked for awhile, but I need more ideas!
If you have someone like this in your family, I'd love to hear how you keep things friendly. I mean, this kind of stuff makes a great SNL skit, but sitting through it is not fun at all!
Ideas?
4 people like this
4 responses
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
26 Nov 15
I think Ancestry is a good subject but only if he knows his family tree. I feel for you, I have a low tolerance to negative political conversations. My husband and I always delete each others vote and learned years ago not to discuss it because it is like a bomb. I'm guessing this person is old so how about asking about his educational upbringing, first car, first job, first love...
2 people like this
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
27 Nov 15
@friendlyopinion Your cousin saved the day. I have one relative who swears by Fox News and I just tell her not to bring it up because i will not talk to her about anything Fox says. When the first argument came up years ago she told me three things she swore was the truth and I went to the computer and proved they were lies (about Obama) and she now still believes what Fox says but will not get a response out of me. If i walk in her house and fox is on the TV, I turn around and walk out (now she changes the channel when I visit.)
2 people like this
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
28 Nov 15
I love my sister in law, she is the funniest person I ever met, we laugh a lot, I prefer the laughing to the argueing and she realized that too. We love each other but don't talk about politics or news. @friendlyopinion
2 people like this
@friendlyopinion (77)
• United States
27 Nov 15
Well, that's finally over. It was exhausting trying to diffuse the weirdness all evening. How on earth do you and your husband manage it? Whatever your secret is, I am in awe. :) Tonight we heard a bunch of Rush Limbaugh quotes and tons of Fox news "facts" that made our heads spin. At one point, he even said, "don't any of you even want to debate me?"
No one said anything, so after an awkward silence I smiled at him and said "nope". He replied with, "Why not? Afraid you'll lose?" That triggered a bunch of replies like "What are you even talking about?" and "Can't we even have one nice dinner together?"
It seemed that an argument was going to ensue, but then my cousin just started talking about football, and other people joined in - so he really saved the dinner this time. Sigh.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
Have you thought about recording the evening? If you have a digital camera, you could set it up somewhere prominent so you can "record some happy memories". People often behave differently when they have a camera pointed at them, and if not, playing it back might make your gadfly realize what a pain he's being.
2 people like this
@friendlyopinion (77)
• United States
29 Nov 15
That is a brilliant idea! I wish I'd thought of it before this last dinner. Not only do people tend to be more aware of their behavior when they know they're being recorded, but we often learn something about ourselves when watching/listening back. And, of course, videos can be fun, we'd all have some great laughs! I'm definitely going to share this idea with the extended family. :)
1 person likes this
@Auntylou (4264)
• Oxford, England
16 Dec 15
That is an interesting response. I have sometimes recorded rants to play to the ranter later, but I didn't tell them so
@allknowing (137781)
• India
26 Nov 15
Pre warned is pre armed as they say. Since you know how this person's disposition will be you surely can set the ball making it impossible for a repeat of that this year..
2 people like this
@friendlyopinion (77)
• United States
27 Nov 15
Dinner is officially over, and wow, we really tried! He did get pretty testy at dinner, challenging anyone there and asking why we didn't want to "debate" him, but a quick witted cousin brought up football and the conversation went that way.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (137781)
• India
27 Nov 15
@friendlyopinion Wow!! If there is a will there is a way. So you had a great time. Kulos to your cousin. I am aware of such people who spoil everything. Even here you will suddenly see someone who will go at a tangent and say their own thing.
2 people like this
@Auntylou (4264)
• Oxford, England
16 Dec 15
We could get Fox news here, but I never watch it.
We have a newspaper, the Daily Mail which can be pretty OTT
