Do you ever feel underappreciated?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (218463)
Walnut Creek, California
November 27, 2015 9:51pm CST
I had a good experience yesterday. I went to a Thanksgiving luncheon that was at the house of a friend of my cousin's. I've always enjoyed chatting with this couple, but can't say I know them well. As a token of my appreciation, I brought them a pair of the Collings sound hole coasters I make. They were really enthusiastic about the coasters, put them on their living room table, and were vocal about their enthusiasm toward the little present I had brought. And they were sincere.
Those who wrote for Bubblews, and especially those of us who spent our time reporting plagiarizers, supporting legitimate members, and in general trying to maintain the "integrity" of the site, know what it's like to feel unappreciated.
Another time I felt unappreciated was when I brought a pair of my little coasters to my Uncle's house. His current wife hid them, and the next time I visited, they were nowhere to be found. I had a drink in hand, asked about the coasters, and was given some lame excuse for their absence.
Each pair of coasters takes several weeks to make, and although the financial cost is not high, the cost in terms of labor and loving care IS high. I really appreciate it when people appreciate my little coasters (or other little gifts I bring), and display them proudly. When they don't, I feel a bit sad.
Yesterday, I made a point of voicing my enthusiasm for both of the Thanksgiving meals I was served, and even for the enjoyable conversations I had with various people at the two gatherings. It was sincere, but I also didn't want to be among those who DON'T show thanks for others' efforts, whether it be in the kitchen, in hosting a gathering, in making something special, or simply in engaging me (and others) in enjoyable conversation.
Have you ever poured your heart and soul into something and felt unappreciated? I'll attach a picture of some coasters I was working on this morning. The stacked ones are ready for felt bottoms. The other four are receiving their first coats of stain They'll be finished in about three weeks. Sorry to blab so much about coasters: I just see them as something of a metaphor.
23 people like this
25 responses
@yukimori (10145)
• United States
28 Nov 15
Hm... I don't know. On one hand I completely get the frustration of going to all that effort only to feel that the recipient doesn't really appreciate the time, effort, and thought that went into the gift. On the other, as someone who's actively working on decluttering following the KonMari method, I can understand not keeping something that doesn't spark joy or fit in with someone's style.
However, I'd handle it a lot differently. I'd probably say that I was honored that you thought highly enough of me to gift me something that took so much time to create, but decline the coasters because I'd rather have them go to someone who'd use them and truly appreciate them. I used to equate stuff with love, and it took me ages to finally get that I don't have to keep something just because someone else gave it to me. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that unhealthy mindset, unfortunately.
As someone who creates, I'd probably be stung a bit if a person declined a gift I'd made for them... but I'd appreciate the honesty and respect that they thought enough of me to make sure that my efforts weren't going to be wasted. Then again, I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by friends who understand and share my views on those things, and who know what I've been dealing with in the stuff department.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
28 Nov 15
Interesting. I have slightly too much "stuff," but most of it is not gifts given to me by others. I have kid artwork on my refrigerator, some paintings (from friends ) on my walls, and other little things here that were given to me, some of which I don't use. But I like being reminded of the fact that someone thought of me.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166672)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Nov 15
I wonder what is the problem? People do not seem to very appreciative now days. Home made things are so special it is really beyond me to figure out what is wrong with these people. It is pretty amazing.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Nov 15
@vandana7 I'd find that to be vulgar. Interestingly, one of my favorite present from an Uncle and Aunt (quite wealthy) was a flannel shirt that showed some thought about my needs and style of dress. It wasn't expensive, but they hit the nail on the head.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (135925)
• India
29 Nov 15
I have given up expecting getting any acknowledgement. My joy ends while I hand over anything be it a gift, service or whatever.Have you experienced when someone uses you as a ladder to get on with life and when that person reaches their goal you are discarded.
Anyway they say expectations are the main cause of misery 
2 people like this
@allknowing (135925)
• India
29 Nov 15
@TheHorse I notice they only do it to those who appreciate others. And about using me as a ladder I can write a book on it. I see it even in the virtual world. Until they get the ropes all is well and then comes the axe.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
29 Nov 15
@allknowing I don't know what makes some use others and some have relationships with others.
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
28 Nov 15
You make beautiful coasters, I would be proud to display and use them and would be grateful for such a thoughtful gift. Some people have no manners and yes on the B I felt very under-appreciated for the hundreds of plagiarists I reported.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
28 Nov 15
@TheHorse I have no idea why I was one of the lucky ones, just random I guess.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
28 Nov 15
@BelleStarr Maybe random. Or maybe it did have to do with all of the plagiarizers we reported.
1 person likes this
@KnehKnah (3584)
• Philippines
29 Nov 15
@TheHorse Individual differences, my dear! Anyway, when I notice that a gift of mine was not appreciated, I stop giving that fellow. Except of course if I hear her say she likes this or that (& I can afford it), I give it. That assures acceptance with joy! Ha! Ha! Ha!
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Nov 15
Here in CA, people often seem lost in their own worlds, an the overall spirit of giving and receiving, whether it's compliments or displays of appreciation, is waning. That said, most of my music friends really appreciate my little coasters. It's just a symbol of the time we spent playing music together--a celebration.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
28 Nov 15
I have felt unappreciated, at times from my own husband. I would scrub the house, do his laundry and cook a good meal for him and I barely got a grumbled thanks. Then I realized that God appreciates everything I do and I should do things for His glory.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
29 Nov 15
I've certainly been disappointed by people, sure. But then that's a certainty one could always count on, people can either disappoint or surprise you profoundly.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
29 Nov 15
@TheHorse I might gifted it away. Friend of mine is a writer, she gave me a signed copy of her book. I read it back to back. One day another friend came to my house and saw it. He liked it so much he "borrowed" it and never returned it. So I end up giving it to him. She understood why I gave it away, and said will send me another copy soon.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
29 Nov 15
@Drosophila But of course, the sharing of the book means validation. Writers love to be read!
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (82690)
• United States
28 Nov 15
Your coasters seem like they would a gift most people would appreciate. Who doesn't need coasters? Personally I'd much prefer a handmade gift since it's a gift from the heart. But, I've given gifts and never even received a thank you so yes, there are certain people who have made me feel less than appreciated
2 people like this
@Freelanzer (10743)
• Canada
28 Nov 15
Many times, it almost seems as though they intentionally want to punish you by withholding any appreciation. However, people like that are hurting themselves since I won't be putting too much effort into them in the future
2 people like this
@JudyEv (339432)
• Rockingham, Australia
29 Nov 15
These things happen too don't they? Can you wear it to a (small) family function? Or have a photo taken with you in it in a place where it looks like you're wearing it 'out'? 
@poehere (15123)
• French Polynesia
28 Nov 15
Oh yes many time. I was making some nice macrame lamps for my home once. My family here loved them and asked if I would make a few for them. I did. Guess what they ended up thrown in the garden rotting. I was so angry that the next time they asked me to do something for them I didn't. I said sure OK but I never did it.
2 people like this
@poehere (15123)
• French Polynesia
28 Nov 15
@TheHorse That is the way these people are or should I saw 2 of my sister in laws are like this one. The other one has 3 small children. We made their mom some dough present for her birthday. She liked them and put them up. But then about 2 weeks later I saw them all in the trash. I have no idea why they do these sort of things but if my child made me something I wouldn't throw it away in the trash.
1 person likes this
@norcal (4889)
• Franklinton, North Carolina
28 Nov 15
It feels great when you give someone a gift, and you can tell they really love it. Sometimes though, even a very fine gift does not get the same reaction. It is dissapointing, but you really cannot blame the people for not loving the gift. They should be gracious enough to let you know that they appreciate the gesture, and the effort you put in.
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137257)
• United States
30 Nov 15
Hmmm... I usually don't bother with coasters here at home, although if I am at someone else's home, I will ask for one rather than set my glass down on a wooden table. (My tables are all glass, so won't sustain a semi-permanent stain from a glass unwittingly placed on it by a guest.)
I like the look of your coasters, but they wouldn't fit in with my modern furniture... I would politely decline, but make sure you understood that I appreciated the thought and admired the amount of work you obviously put into them, Mr. pony!
1 person likes this
@sallypup (60954)
• Centralia, Washington
29 Nov 15
I ask for an honest opinion before I give a hand made anything to anybody. I ask for complete honesty before I give away fruitcake- a three day product and a year long gathering- and my Christmas Tale- both too precious to be tossed into a corner or the garbage can. So I probe before I give.
1 person likes this
@Gr8bit (86)
• Alpaugh, California
29 Nov 15
I appreciate what you are saying and understand but what I do these days is feel good that I gave something rather than the persons appreciation of the gift. Maybe the people you gave them to do not appreciate the amount of effort you have went to and finally, if they didn't go with the decor of my living room, I would use them to put my change or keys on, so just because you do not see them doesn't always mean they are not used and appreciated.... By the way, well done, they are great!
1 person likes this
@ThankyouLord (698)
• St. Petersburg, Florida
30 Nov 15
I think that any time we put time and effort (or money) into a special gift for someone, we have to have a part of our brain reserved for the possibility it will not be appreciated, or valued. Some people just don't use coasters. Others can't live without them. I've never used them, because I don't entertain, and if I did, I have nothing that I would worry about getting damaged. Maybe my cats. I know what that feels like, however, and it's not so much the gift itself, as much as it is important to us that the other person knows that we cared enough to give them something that we put ourselves into. Hand crafted items are so special. There is a spirit in them that doesn't exist in stuff from the store. There is love there. It's alive.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Nov 15
Exactly. That's why I love my 1914 Gibson mandolin so much, even if the tuners are sticky. It was lovingly made in an era when craftsmanship mattered, and it has the souls of those who have played it over a century mingling with mine. In the house where my coasters were rejected, they do use coasters. It was a passive-aggressive gesture.
@JudyEv (339432)
• Rockingham, Australia
28 Nov 15
It is certainly disappointing when efforts go unappreciated. We've had a couple of instances of this lately. Several years ago Vince went to a lot of trouble (and time) to make a video of a nephew's wedding - at their request. We don't know that they even received it (well, we do know but they didn't tell us) let alone watched it. It takes time to create a video and add appropriate music etc. It would have been nice to have been thanked.
1 person likes this
@CaseyRoss9966 (4056)
• United States
13 Jul 16
I feel underappreciated a lot. My boyfriend never seems to notice the things I do like the cooking cleaning, working, and still working out to stay in shape.
1 person likes this
