I Have Made an Executive Decision
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
United States
November 28, 2015 10:06pm CST
I have loved sending and receiving greetings cards. I bought them once a year, filled them out, and mailed them early enough that they arrived for birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas. But I am not going to do that anymore.
It isn’t that I never get them in return (although I don’t). It isn’t even that they don’t bother to tell me that they like them (or not). It’s that, if I happen to ask, they lie. I send everything early enough that they arrive by the occasion. There is no way that the U.S. mail would take two weeks to deliver a card to a suburban community near a big city from another suburban area near a big city, especially in the same state. I have tracking numbers for the packages, and know when they arrive.
Tonight, my sister mentioned that today is her daughters’ birthdays. I know that. I sent them birthday cards. They are adults, and I no longer send them gifts, especially since they do not send me anything. I asked her if they received the cards that I sent. She said she did not know (although they live in the same house).
Later, she told me that her husband went outside, and the cards were in today’s mail. I call BULL. By lying, they mean to excuse the fact that they didn’t mention receiving the cards, or thank me for them.
I am no longer going to send cards. I am no longer going to buy gifts for adults. I will not call and leave singing messages on answering machines or voice mail. I will continue to send books and Christmas tree ornaments to children, but that’s it. I am done.
What do you think I should do with all of this money, now that I am no longer throwing it at people who don’t even have the good manners to acknowledge receiving what I have sent them?
30 people like this
30 responses
@GardenGerty (160611)
• United States
29 Nov 15
Indulge yourself in a new book, or a manicure, or if it is enough, a nice day trip somewhere. I do not like when people try to make me feel badly or guilty. If they want you to acknowledge them, they should acknowledge what you do with at least a word of thanks.
4 people like this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
29 Nov 15
@ElizabethWallace we give our card and stamp money to charity.
4 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
It will save me hundreds of dollars each year.
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (471253)
• Switzerland
29 Nov 15
This is a wise decision, I only buy a gift for my mother and one for my niece, no more gifts for friends or other distant members of the family. They never sent me a gift and, most of them, did not even took the time to thank me. Use the money for you. Go out to a nice restaurant and have a good meal. Rude people do not deserve our attention.
4 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
It is sad, but very true. I will spend the money on me for a change.
3 people like this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
29 Nov 15
@ElizabethWallace or to others who care to appreciate at least.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
Right, but I think the comments above are correct, I need to spend money on myself instead.
2 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
30 Nov 15
@salonga Just my sister then.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
It has taken me years to get to the point of giving up hope that they would come around.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (51045)
• Canada
29 Nov 15
I've made that same executive decision this year but for different reasons. I send cards to my aunts and uncles, but many have had health issues of 1 kind or another and are no longer in their homes. It was hard enough getting their addresses when they downsized to their retirement dream homes, but now that they are going to nursing homes I think its time to stop. We have never sent gifts to adults, its not necessary, and like you said not appreciated. I am the only aunt who still mails cards to her God children on their wedding anniversaries. But that is the extent of it. I think that you'll enjoy the freedom of not waiting for a thank you or an acknowledgement. I fear that world moves too fast for simple thank you's or for people to even take into consideration what the sender went thru to remember the date, pick the card, ensure it was mailed in time, had the proper address, etc.
4 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
Funny, it doesn't move too fast for me. It never has. I have always had a life filled with far more activities than most people in my family, but I made time for them. As my sister says, no good deed goes unpunished.
2 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
30 Nov 15
bless yer heart, been there 'n done that. i quit that sorta thingy some years back myself. i prefer to use those funds to help those truly in need. the truly homeless, the elderly in nursin' homes the families seem to've 'fergotten' 's they ne'er go 'n see 'em 'n the women's shelter here in town.
3 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
4 Dec 15
@crazyhorseladycx I've given my card and postage money to the Salvation Army for years, glad you do a similar thing. My friends and family know not to expect a card from me by now.
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
4 Dec 15
@crazyhorseladycx The more I find out about you the more I love you, you are a woman after my own heart :D
1 person likes this
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
29 Nov 15
@ElizabethWallace You are not likely to allow me to ignore you, so I may as well just carry on.
2 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
Hey, I get more attention from you than I do my entire family. So don't sulk, I will still acknowledge your very entertaining existence. 
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
29 Nov 15
If I told you that I hadn't received them yet but they were in the mailbox and had been for several days, I would be telling the truth. We don't retrieve the mail every day, it's just too far and out of sight. But I do think that you are under no obligation to continue sending these cards if you don't want to do it. People today are not schooled in etiquette as they were once. I remember learning to write letters and the proper form for letters and thank you notes way back in the second grade. Buy yourself a nice gift and put it under the tree. But be sure to send yourself a nice thank you note,.
3 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
Several years ago I decided to buy myself a gift at every gift giving occasion on the calendar. I was single one Valentine's Day and received no gift, of course. I told my students that it was bad enough not to have a boyfriend, but not getting a present was adding insult to injury. 
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
30 Nov 15
A phone call would be great, but the young here don't answer phone calls, rarely texts either.
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
29 Nov 15
There are times when people have asked if we have gotten a card, and I will say "no" only to go look in the mailbox and realize it is there. In my defense, though, we normally only get bills, so I sometimes forget to check the mail for a day or four.
I think that it is good that you have made this decision if it is what will make you happy. It is sad that you are so thoughtful and they are not only inconsiderate but also unappreciative. I think that you should treat yourself to some nice things that you will appreciate.
I think that it is good that you have made this decision if it is what will make you happy. It is sad that you are so thoughtful and they are not only inconsiderate but also unappreciative. I think that you should treat yourself to some nice things that you will appreciate.2 people like this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
2 Dec 15
@ElizabethWallace Oh, massages are absolutely wonderful and relaxing. I think that would be the perfect gift to give yourself!
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
2 Dec 15
I think a massage on gift giving ocassions would be fun.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
Good idea. I love Italian food. I need to find a nice place nearby.
1 person likes this
@maggs224 (2320)
• Alicante, Spain
4 Dec 15
@jaboUK ditto what I responded to our friend @crazyhorseladycx above
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
29 Nov 15
@ElizabethWallace it felt very liberating. People I see all the time know I care and if I haven't seen someone in years, a card is not enough.
3 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
It will be interesting to see if anyone calls and asks me if I sent something. I don't think I'm going to tell anyone in advance. Let's see their reaction.
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
Seems pretty obvious now that I have made the decision.
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
29 Nov 15
Elizabeth I wholeheartedly agree with you. People these days seem to be incredibly selfish and ill mannered and rarely say thank you. We were brought up in a time when it was expected and good grace to say thank you and that would be by writing a letter. Not phoning, texting, instant messaging, emailing or the modern means of communicating like facetime, whats app or the hundreds of other means.
You are not selfish by stopping I stopped sending around four or five years ago. I just put my foot down and said enough is enough! I do still send to my elderly aunts though I would not dream of not sending to them.
It is quite hurtful so I understand your pain! Good on you!
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
30 Nov 15
@ElizabethWallace It is so sad as I am sure we were all brought up the same way but now the youngsters just do not do manners at times.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
30 Nov 15
There is no older generation around now. I'm in the older generation. It's interesting, since the young in my family were raised with manners, but do not use them.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
1 Dec 15
I just bought myself some fancy lenses for my iPhone camera. Fun stuff. On sale $45% off too, even better. Santa loves a bargain.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
1 Dec 15
@ElizabethWallace Santa DOES love a bargain. Only WE know what we really want. Remembering others during the Holidays is good. But I don't need more "stuff." Being our own Santa is a good thing, especially when we have a bit saved up and don't have to suffer for it.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
30 Nov 15
*Ahem* If you have spare money, I promise to say thanks. It's a long time since I sent cards for anything other than a birthday. I wonder how many people still do?
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
30 Nov 15
@ElizabethWallace - This is true. My young lad sometimes needs 'encouraging', but we always make sure he says thanks to anyone who sends him birthday or Christmas gifts.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
1 Dec 15
@troyburns Good luck. Sometimes teaching kids sticks, sometimes it does not.
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
30 Nov 15
I don't understand the psychology of getting something and not even acknowledging that it arrived.With our current technology, it is so easy to send a text, voicemail or email. It boggles my mind.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (339433)
• Rockingham, Australia
29 Nov 15
I wrote much the same sentiments as a comment to someone's post - can't remember who now. It is so rude not to at least acknowledge gifts and cards. We've sent nieces and nephews gifts but they are rarely acknowledged let alone anyone saying thank you. If you want to send me gifts, I'll be sure to say 'thank you'. 
2 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
29 Nov 15
I would, if I could. But I am stopping now.
2 people like this
