It's time to laugh again!
By Robin Lamb
@troyburns (1405)
New Zealand
December 7, 2015 11:28pm CST
"No, no! I can't just wallow in sadness. It's time to laugh again!" - Homer Simpson
I agree, Mr Simpson. There's been no better time for a joke since the 14th century and if I'm going to plunge headlong into the abyss, I want to do so with a smile on my face! So here we go with a few of my favorite one-liners:
What can think the unthinkable? An itheberg.
A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives her one.
Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist who got off on a technicality?
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
What does a dog do that you might step into? Pants.
I have daily sex. I mean dyslexia.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
Hopefully there was something there for everybody,and that you didn't find any of them too rude. Please feel free to add your own favorite in place of a normal comment. We could all do with a laugh, I suspect.
11 people like this
13 responses
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
10 Dec 15
@JudyEv - I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
4 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
10 Dec 15
@WorDazza - I really like one-liner comedians, and Tim Vine is probably the best. ("I'm running a dating agency for chickens, but it's a struggle to make hens meet.")
3 people like this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
11 Dec 15
Too bad I am the type of guy who doesn't laugh at jokes BUT if you slipped on a banana peel I would laugh hysterically!! Sorry 
4 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
11 Dec 15
@GreatMartin - I did slip on a banana peel one day but discovered that the color didn't suit me. I love witty humor,but I'm also a sucker for slapstick done well.
4 people like this
@Auntylou (4264)
• Oxford, England
11 Dec 15
@troyburns Oh nice ! I do like a bit of wordplay!
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
12 Dec 15
@troyburns I love slapstick, puns, word play and Jerry Lewis!!
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (17713)
• South Africa
11 Dec 15
@troyburns wakakakakka - a good Friday Morning Laugh
2 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
11 Dec 15
@Inlemay - Those are terrible - just the way I like them!
2 people like this
@Rationalwriter (1813)
• Lucknow, India
8 Dec 15
Hahhaa!! Brilliant !!
Here is one from me:-
Q- What do you call a chicken who can rap?
A- EMIHEN
6 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
10 Dec 15
@Rationalwriter - Cool - I haven't heard that one! The best jokes of this type should make you groan as you're laughing.
4 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
12 Dec 15
@Rollo1 - Very zen. I might use the "run out of invisible ink" line next time I'm stuck for something to say.
@ptrikha_2 (47062)
• India
2 Oct 17
Yes sometimes there are things that we can have for laughter and sharing such stuff is one of them.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
16 Dec 15
@jaboUK - That's only fair - your limericks make me laugh.
2 people like this
@jillybean1222 (6407)
•
14 Dec 15
I'm never good at remembering jokes! So I just have to remember these. :-)
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
16 Dec 15
@jillybean1222 - I hope you can. I must have heard thousands of jokes that I only half remember. I have an unfortunate habit of recognizing a joke while someone is telling it.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
11 Dec 15
@Auntylou - It's easier to get away with a one-line joke than a funny story, I think, although most of my efforts are put down as "dad jokes".
1 person likes this
