Is it normal that when we feel depressed we put ourselves away from those who care for us the most?
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
Portugal
December 8, 2015 10:29am CST
Hi guys
I have a friend who told me that he isnt feeling well neither physically neither mentally. I wanted to help him because im his best friend but he is avoiding me. I feel like he is pushing me away
What should I do? I told him that i like him a lot and that he is very important to me and that i want him to talk to me about what is happening and he just didnt say anything. he is avoiding me.
Please advise me what should I do? I want to be there for him but if he is putting me away what can I do? Give him space? Insist to talk? I think I should give him some space maybe but it's been a week since he is acting like this
7 people like this
9 responses
@patgalca (18355)
• Orangeville, Ontario
8 Dec 15
I agree with some of what has been said below. I wouldn't push him but perhaps you can send him something from time to time that might cheer him up. I sent a friend a small angel statue in the mail one day. She told me she had a bad day that day and coming home to that gave her such peace and good feelings. Some guys DO like getting flowers, or perhaps a healthy gift basket, or even just a cheerful card. Keep your distance but let him know that you are thinking of him and care.
2 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
9 Dec 15
@sweetloveforeve If you use Whatsapp or any other similar app, why not keep sending him the quotes which are great motivatiors
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
yes thats what i been doing. i always tell him sweet things to cheer him up. thanks for your sweet ideas. i wont give up until he reacts and start thinking that he is someone with a big value and is worth of happiness.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
8 Dec 15
Yes, is the simple answer to your question. When I am depressed, I need space, and I need to do things my own way to handle my depression.
If your really want to help your friend, do meet him, do interact but cut out all the talks and questions related to his depression. Try cheering him up... maybe take him to lunch or a movie or a long drive. To start with - try get him busy with something that interests him.
2 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
9 Dec 15
@sweetloveforeve Dont get me wrong, but does he have some special feelings for you? Maybe he is trying to keep his feelings out of the way. And if this is what is the case here, I do think, you should give him space, and time to realize the right way.
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
11 Dec 15
@thesids yes i guess he has feeling for me since a long time. but when we met i liked someone else. but like two months ago i decided to get closer to him and i think im starting to like him too. but he always says that he likes me a lot yes. and we were ok until he just starts to act different.
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
thanks for your advice but sadly i cant take him anywhere because we live in different cities. we live like 3 hours away we are friends since 8 monthes and he never acted like this. he just told me that he is feeling very bad since two weeks ago. i wanted to help him with my sweet words and my support and even talk with him on the phone if he wanted to but is like he is pushing me away
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
9 Dec 15
You see you have played your part, you have already offered your services to him so as to help him come out of his depression, however, he does not seem ready to listen to you. It would be better to leave him alone for the time being. Whenever he becomes normal, he will contact you himself. You should not worry about him.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
10 Dec 15
@sweetloveforeve - You are always welcome.
Yes, it would be better to wait till he gets normal. Unnecessary prodding and probing may irritate him. When you will remain silent, this will make him think about your silence and if he values friendship, he will return to you.
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
11 Dec 15
@dpk262006 yes i waited for his reply and he said that it was nothing to do with me but only with him. i understand that he is having some problems with himself but i wanted to know what was that so i could help and comfort him. i guess he is just having a low self esteem crisis.
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
thanks for your advice yes i will just wait that he says something to me. i dont know what else i can do. i already said everything i needed to say. i cant keep insisting or i might ruin our friendship. i will respect him and wait that he comes to me. thank you
1 person likes this
@skysnap (20153)
•
8 Dec 15
True. I stayed out of contact of friends and family. when I got out of depression i realized that those were not real friends and also family wanted me to be a high earner person. and i wasn't that great so they deserted me. so my depression taught me something. now though they say people care about you. I learned that people only care about what benefits them. even parents think that way.
2 people like this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
but when you were away from your friends because of depression they didnt try to contact you? they didnt support you? i mean if someone i love is feeling sad i do everything i can to make him happy. how can i just ignore that he is feeling so bad and do nothing?
@skysnap (20153)
•
10 Dec 15
@sweetloveforeve No. they thought that i am not upto their level in terms of job and lifestyle. parents felt the same way. I had some support from sister. but mostly I pulled on my own. i got roof at my sisters house because I could not afford house rent. I think I live in part of world where people love money more and so it reflected in my life. I didn't give much thought to this anymore. I have lost hopes for good life. I only think that I don't get old with less money in the bank. that's my current struggle left. :)
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
11 Dec 15
@skysnap you should try to meet new people and new friends. there are good people in the world. they are not many but it exists. dont lose hope. we all need sweet caring people near us who can light up our life. otherwise we are just alive but are not living.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (69373)
• Germany
8 Dec 15
I'm not depressed so I have no direct expereience with the problem. But I can imagine that you're making things worse by insisting. Besides, if you're a cheerful person. you may get on his nerves. Make it clear that you're there when he needs you.
2 people like this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
yes i already made it very clear. he knows how much i like him. but i just feel so sad because i know he is sick and going to the hospital many times and he is pushing me away i guess. i offered to be there for him and he isnt reacting
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
8 Dec 15
its really critical situation because you want to help him and he may be not want anyone help so in this both are feel not good that as you want to help him,i think if he understand you and your best friend then he must have to tell you something and whats his problem.he is you just friend or something more?
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
we are just friends we met 8 months ago in facebook actually but we became good friends. and when i was with problems he helped me. so i want to help him also now that he is having problems too. he told me that he is very sick lately and is feeling bad physically and mentally but he didnt tell me more details. just for me to know that he liked me very much. so im very worried with him
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
11 Dec 15
@birjudanak we live 3 hours apart. what i can do is call him or send him messages. the problem is that we always talked everyday and we were good friends and maybe one day we could meet in person who knows. but i dont know what is happening. i try to understand he just said he isnt feeling well but doesnt tell me what is happening clearly.
1 person likes this
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
9 Dec 15
@sweetloveforeve you are doing good that when you are in trouble he helped you and now its your turn to show friendship by helping him but why he not say anything,if he near your house then you should have to go or just by phone call.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8754)
• United Kingdom
14 Dec 15
It is normal, yes. It's hard to know what to do. You don't want to be pushy but you want to take care of your friend. It partly depends on the person because some need to be made to talk while others need to be left until they are ready. I think the best thing you can do is tell your friend that you're there for him, and know that he's welcome when he's ready. Perhaps then just 'check in' with him every so often just to say hello. Also, check if there are other people who know/can help. If there is someone else around, maybe they can also check in so you don't seem like you're being too pushy.
I hope that's helped. It is a difficult situation to be in.
@kyrararen (601)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 15
it's ok. everybody needs some time alone for themselves. well, in my case, I do. so I can relate to that. when I feel I wanna talk about it, I'll tell my close friend. probably just say hi once you know, for him to notice that you are available whenever he wants to tell you about it. probably the best thing I can say about your case, is just update him how your day has been. all the best for you.
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
i understand we all need our space sometimes.but i think that when someone is feeling sad they need someone to tell them how special they are. i say that because there was a time that i felt really sad and ugly and didnt want to leave my house and i had no one to tell me how special i was besides my family that did that and helped me. now im more confident thanks to them. if i had faced it on my own i dont know if i would be ok now. probably i would still be depressed.
1 person likes this
@SHREE_N (47)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
9 Dec 15
@sweetloveforeve Like all others, I too think what your friend need right now is personal space and your support. Leave him alone for some time because insisting to talk in such a situation may worsen his condition, but allowing personal space doesn't mean you all together leave that person. Time has the power to heal all wounds, so you need to patiently wait. Just make him feel that whatever happens he wouldn't have to face it all alone, you will be there for him. I hope the day soon comes when he himself will tell you his problems and you get your same old friend back!!
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Dec 15
thanks so much for your sweet words yes i really hope he comes back soon because i really miss our talks. he always supported me in my problems and i just wanted to do the same back. but he isnt allowing me to sadly we live far from each other so i cant just go to his house and tell him to go take a coffee or go to the cinema or something to distract him. the best i can do is message him or talk to him on the phone but still i want to support him.