No one knew what this photo was REALLY about....
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
Perth, Australia
December 11, 2015 7:14am CST
I was going through some old photos on my old computer and I found this. That is me curled up on the lounge. I think I was about 20 here. I am 24 now. The guy is my ex boyfriend.
His mum took the photo while we were sleeping and then she uploaded it onto Facebook which had so many comments from family and friends. The comments were all similar. Like "awww that is sweet." or "That shows true love." or even "Look how Danielle is holding him. She really loves him."
Well people, no.
The REAL story is that my ex and I had a big argument that night. We had many arguments that were just out of hand. I am not saying I am perfect but 99% of arguments were because of him. When he got angry he would put me down, hit, slap, throw things, accuse me of doing bad things and call me offensive names. This wasn't the first time he threatened this to me but that night he threatened to kill me. Most people would have just ran away but unless you have been in this situation yourself, I would rather not have responses like that to this discussion.
That night he fell asleep many hours before me. I was scared to sleep near him yet scared to sleep anywhere else in the house since there were no locks on any doors besides the front door. So I decided to sleep extremely close grabbing tightly onto his arm so if he did move during the night, then I would be aware of it.
He is long gone now but after everything that had happened over the 6 years I was with him, I am still finding it hard to get over it. I'm doing much better than I was years ago but he has left a LOT of mental scars behind for me to deal with.
I am not asking anyone to tell me their personal life if you're not comfortable with it but have you ever met someone who was just a horrible person and no one knew about it?
It was only about 2 years ago that I started talking about what I went through. My dad literally wants to go beat him to death from the things I have told him but made him promise me not to do anything like that. So many memories keep popping up that I forgot about but I feel like he has ruined a lot of my life. The past is the past but it is still affecting how I am now and might affect me in the future.
I will appreciate all answers but I really beg you not to say that I "Should have left earlier." I have already heard this way too many times. Already been called "stupid" from family members. It bugs me because the people who call me "stupid" has never been through ANYTHING like I did. It is pretty hard to escape someone who threatens they will burn your house down with family inside if you tried to leave him.
11 people like this
9 responses
@Syllogism (206)
• China
11 Dec 15
Some people's reaction toward such things as you've experienced is to blaming the victims, you should just ignore those unsympathetic people.
I'd say one day you'll meet someone who will cherish you. You're still very young
. I met my wife at the age of 27 and I had never been in a romantic relation with anyone before that.
So before you meet with the one in your life, just prepare yourself for it, you'll want him to meet the best of you.
. I met my wife at the age of 27 and I had never been in a romantic relation with anyone before that.
So before you meet with the one in your life, just prepare yourself for it, you'll want him to meet the best of you.3 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
11 Dec 15
I do agree but it can be easier said then done when it's my close friends and family telling me I was at fault. They still care and wish hell to hit my ex but just how they keep telling me I should have left is bothering me.
I do agree with you though. I need to become stronger at this too.
I do have a boyfriend now and it will be 2 years around January / February since we have been dating and he has treated me the way I would like to be treated. very happy with him. :)
Thank you for answering. :)
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Mar 16
None of us can really question you as we h ave not lived through what you have and as far as I am concerneu did the best you could. I hope now that in time
y ou will meet a decent man who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. hugs han g in there.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 Mar 16
Thank you very much! I am with someone much better actually. Treats me better. But sometimes it's a bit hard to get used to.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
11 Dec 15
People who say leave don't understand how damaging this behavior is to self confidence and how threats can make you fear for your family. Well done you for breaking free.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
11 Dec 15
I am so glad to read that. It is extremely rare for me to hear people telling me this. They just come straight out and tell me that I should "have done the right thing and left." So pretty much saying that what I was doing, staying with him, was wrong. Yes it was wrong for me but how would I have known this back then? The threats might have been empty threats but from everything he had already done, I wasn't going to gamble my life or people I love like that.
And thank you so much! Really appreciate your answer!
2 people like this
@HanVanMeegerin (1161)
• United States
11 Dec 15
@VivaLaDani13 It must have been tough having people misunderstand the situation. However, this is one of the issues when society is constantly uploading photos and videos often without a second thought. Then the comments come, often also given without a second thought.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
11 Dec 15
That is very true! I didn't even tell anyone what was going on back then anyway so no one suspected a thing.
2 people like this
@Writingghost (5196)
• United States
20 Apr 20
Sharing your story is never easy, nothing but respect.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
21 Apr 20
@Writingghost Thank you kindly.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
21 Apr 20
@Writingghost That means a lot to read that thank you very much.
@Writingghost (5196)
• United States
21 Apr 20
@VivaLaDani13 No problem, I am just glad that you are happier.
1 person likes this
@Butterfingers (66583)
• India
22 Apr 20
Am sorry to know about this because I have no idea you were treated this way. Felt ashamed of this boy being a boy and he should have been punished
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
22 Apr 20
@Butterfingers Thank you very much for your kind and supportive words. It means A LOT to me! Most people aren't that understanding about this horrible time I went through.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
6 Apr 16
Thank you very much. And same here, I am glad I am away from him. I don't know what could have happened if I stayed.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
26 Mar 16
Thank you. I'm glad I am away from it all but you're right. It does affect me now still even without him in my life.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
8 May 16
Were they blind? The first time I saw this picture awhile back (when I read through all your posts) I hadn't yet read the content. My impression was of a girl, a scared girl, curled up into herself. I thought maybe she was having a nightmare or maybe scared of dark or something else. The way you were clinging to his arm.
Reading the content I found that the girl is you and the nightmare is right beside you.
So I ask again "Were they frigging blind?"
Or just that they didn't WANT to see what was clear to me? A total stranger saw it.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
9 May 16
I guess I hid it pretty well even though some arguments were in front of his mum. So maybe she just didn't want to believe it. Her ex husband ( Aidan's dad ) used to beat the crap out of her. Which is sad but surely she would have seen some of those bad qualities in her son.
But when I told Aidans Grandma and Granddad, they were very shocked and I'm very grateful they believed me. But it is amazing how you picked up on it from a photo.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
9 May 16
@VivaLaDani13 Yeah it's good they believed it or else it could have turned more nasty.
Meh! it's nothing amazing lol I just observe and imagine stories behind what I am seeing.
1 person likes this
