Why I ended up attracted to "bad boys"
By Tina Arnold
@Coffinspire92 (38)
Spring Mount, Pennsylvania
December 22, 2015 8:54am CST
It's really not my fault actually. I didn't have a choice in the matter. From research that I've done, I've come to realize that we don't actually pick our partners. Rather, our parents show us what we want in a partner. Everything that makes us who we are, has to do with our parents (there are some who would disagree) They taught us how to walk, how to dress, how to eat and how to think (whether it be good or bad)
So in reality, I looked for a partner that was similar to my father (or what I knew about him anyway) Therefore, finding a guy that sold some marijuana and got in trouble with the law, fist fights ect. was right down my alley!
In my opinion, I think that was bound to happen since I was raised by women and only knew so little about my own father, and having half of his genetics obviously didn't help me any.
What about you? Did your parents influence how you chose your partner?
13 people like this
14 responses
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
22 Dec 15
My parents don't like the husband I chose. They wanted me to marry a rich guy but I went for love instead. But my husband is perfect for me, even though we are always poor.
My husband is very faithful, loves the Lord and loves helping others. My father is the total opposite.
3 people like this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
23 Dec 15
Why marry someone who is rich if they don't make you happy?
1 person likes this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
22 Dec 15
My parents didn't influence my choice in a partner. If they had, I am sure I would have made a better choice. Whether you are attracted to bad boys or choir boys chemistry, luck, and attraction have a lot to do with it. I don't believe a person is attracted to one type or the other. I think that is a subconscious choice. My accounting teacher once said you can just as easily fall in love with a rich man as you can a poor man. He had an interesting way of looking at things.
2 people like this
@Coffinspire92 (38)
• Spring Mount, Pennsylvania
22 Dec 15
That's the thing, I ended up attracted to "bad boys" because my father had every bad boy trait in the book :/ It didn't really hit me that people actually base their partner off of their parents until my husband and I were talking about his mom and I was outside reading and he said "she reads, pretty much does what you do" and I was like "no freaking way!"
3 people like this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
22 Dec 15
@Coffinspire92 I agree that some people do. I can honestly say I did not. In fact I looked for characteristics my dad did not have. He was loud, always yelling, and just angry at the world. I wanted someone happy and quiet. I guess we all choose what we can deal with.
4 people like this
@Coffinspire92 (38)
• Spring Mount, Pennsylvania
22 Dec 15
@mommaj I noticed some people do that too. I depends on the person of course.
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
22 Dec 15
Yes, we all have many influences but we also have a brain.
2 people like this
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
24 Dec 15
I think there are many smart people around the sociology field so what they say is worth listening too. I can understand how growing up, forming our character based on family life just makes perfect sense. However I stumble when it comes to choices. There I think heart desire, knowledge and even our will can change our outcome. We may easily fall into a lifestyle we think we want but I don't know if I believe in its written in the cards.
1 person likes this
@Coffinspire92 (38)
• Spring Mount, Pennsylvania
28 Dec 15
Oh yeah I would never say anything is definite or that it's going to happen, but since parents are literally your world when you're young and taught you to be everything you are (as you grow older friends and others come into play but your parents are your root) so I would think it's only natural to base your love life on how your parents are (luckily in some cases if it's bad, some people go the opposite way to not end up like their parents, some fall into the lifestyle trap and recreate it)
1 person likes this
@RichardMeister (5328)
• Otis Orchards, Washington
28 Dec 15
From what I read over the year the reason women are drawn to "bad boys" can be explained in one word. Excitement. Nice guy are predictable and boring. There is nothing predictable or boring about bad boys. They are always up to something and that something is rarely something good. Many women get a real thrill out of being around men who are constantly doing something exciting even of it is illegal, immoral or just down right mean.
1 person likes this
@Coffinspire92 (38)
• Spring Mount, Pennsylvania
28 Dec 15
I wouldn't say I would like them to do anything illegal or mean (not mean to me anyway, to someone else if they had it coming to them, but not just because) My dad was like that though. Illegal, ready to kick someones butt for the people he cared for. There is a sense of thrill in dating "bad boys" but it gets old really quick.
1 person likes this
@righttotheheart (226)
• Delhi, India
24 Dec 15
yes obviously there is an unsaid influence of parents in choosing a partner especially for girls i think, our father is a superhero for us and some way or the other we try to find some one like him who can treat us as princess but you know there is a difference between wife and daughter.. a man expect his wife to compromise on certain levels but not his daughter.
1 person likes this
@Coffinspire92 (38)
• Spring Mount, Pennsylvania
28 Dec 15
Yeah lol it's funny how that works out.
1 person likes this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
23 Dec 15
I think it's down to who you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Your parents, family and friends can have an option about who you are going or married but that's all. If they don't like who you marry then it's tough on their part.
@Coffinspire92 (38)
• Spring Mount, Pennsylvania
28 Dec 15
That's not what I meant. I'm saying psychologically, we base our love life on what we've seen from our parents (not always, but try to recreate it in a sense) and find a partner to fill that role.
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)
• Calgary, Alberta
23 Dec 15
Yes, It makes me date girl who are nothing like mom. I dont want to be with someone who will nag at me on a daily basis.
@Letranknight2015 (52096)
• Philippines
22 Dec 15
Nope I chose not to marry, I don't want to end up like my dad who was abusive and controlling. I feel that I was not meant for marriage.
@amadeo (111938)
• United States
22 Dec 15
because you are a bad girl(kidding)Some bad boys are nice and some are not.
But whatever works for you.Good for it.I know a lot of people like bad boy and bad men.
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
23 Dec 15
I do think the father figure has a role to play in relationship choices, either you stay consciously away from the type or drawn to the type. It definitely has an impact. For me, I tend to be drawn to men who displayed qualities I wanted in a dad. But I ultimately leave them, as I have no interest in taking on another dad. One is all I need. xD
1 person likes this
@saurabhrmp (2283)
• Hyderabad, India
22 Dec 15
Don't feel bad, that you are getting attracted towards bad boys. As, I think many girls do so.
@Kaygreen1913 (162)
•
28 Dec 15
My parents have some say in who I choose. I also know what kind of men they approve of and don't approve of. I guess you could say I met them half way with who I chose. They don't completely love him but they like him enough. I love this guy to pieces, so my parent's opinion doesn't really hold that much weight.
1 person likes this
@aqyphernelia (7)
• Singapore
24 Dec 15
I kinda agree. I have always wanted a partner like my dad. Therefore, I was really picky in choosing a certain partner! Fortunately, I managed to find a suitable one eventually.
1 person likes this
