Well there was up....then there was down!

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So recently I shared with y'all good news about reuniting with my sister when I go back home to visit in January. I'm very happy about that. But last night I had my heart broke by my nephew on my other side of my family. Mylot let me share with you what I've just became comfortable with telling in the last year,....I am bipolar. It manifested itself from just having depression all my life after experiencing the death of my Gdad and my dad a year apart. It has been a hard road to travel. I have ran from state to state trying to find myself, trying not to remind me of my childhood, and to not deal with the people that have caused me pain. Within the last five years I have been trying to settle my life and repair my brokeness. It seems like my family doesn't get how they all have played a part in my shut down over the years. I reached out to try to talk to my nephew and it did not go well. He is 15 and has loss his father too at the age of 11. I if no one else knows in our family, I know how he still feels. But he's so full of pain he is like I was just angry. I love my nephew as if he was my own, but he doesn't think I do because I wasn't around. I chop it up to him not understanding auntie has some issues herself. I don't expect him to get it because I have older family that don't even get it. But it hurts cause he don't think I love him and he don't even look at me as a auntie. A lot has to do with not being made to have respect for me shown by his mother. It's hard trying to get family to understand your mental illness. I love my family that's why I'm trying really hard now to forgive and repair. The old me would just go into shut down mode or run, but the new me wants this soooooo bad. How do I achieve this but also don't go backwards in my recovery either? I just feel like throwing in the towel and saying it's just not meant to be. He will never understand the pain we were born into but I do and that's why I try, but that's also why I give up so easy it's my security.