Crime knock?
By vanny
@vandana7 (100616)
India
December 29, 2015 6:53am CST
About two years ago, I came up with a discussion here on marriage of a minor girl.
She is my washer woman's daughter. She was minor then. I was against that marriage, but had my fears. You see I am not married. So if I said she should not be married, everybody would think I was jealous or something. It was an awkward situation because the girl was good in her studies.
The boy was earning about Rs.12,000/- (approx 200 USD). The initial few months flew by. These people were to give another 50000 which they delayed and there were slight differences. So they borrowed and sent the balance dowry money to the girl. The boy stopped working for three months and has joined back. He is earning Rs.12,000/- once more.
When I spoke to him, he said he does not want his wife to be earning because environment is not good. True. Cannot deny that. In any event, it was their life.
I was advised here, not to interfere..and I backed down.
Now, the girl is pregnant. The guy troubles her. He asks her which television serial she is watching, who is the hero, does she like the hero, and things beyond that..which are not ok in marriage. The girl ends up crying. If she sits outside in her parent's house, he asks her are you looking at other men. You don't like me anymore and what not.
Something has clearly gone amiss in his brain. If they send the girl with him the next time, she may never return. But holding the girl back here will make people talk, and in general society is not too kind to divorced girls.
I bet the girl has been physically abused and mentally tortured.
So now the dilemma is, should she be sent or should she be asked to stay back for good at her parent's place. I stand in the same situation as before.
11 people like this
10 responses
@ridingbet (66854)
• Philippines
30 Dec 15
maybe it is laundrywoman? another term of washer woman?
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
29 Dec 15
Two years back, I learned a lesson from life - Never interfere in any couple's mess. If you do, at the end of it, you are the one who would be blamed and facing the ire of everyone around.
But for the sake of discussion - What is the age of the girl today? And, what is the desire of the girl? Does she want to go back? (probably she does just because of the social stigma).
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
30 Dec 15
18 and a half. I think she is terrified at the thought of going back. But you of all people know how our society is. Are we going to let her become another helpless woman for the next 40 odd years? And may be beyond? No support except as long as parents are around?
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 Dec 15
@vandana7 If only she could be financially independent. But that too is kind of nearly impossible at the moment because of the pregnancy at her age. Education, I am sure, she is not well read so not many better jobs would be open. She may try finding some help from the NGOs for a while... but I am scared about that too as you know what happens mostly with many at NGOs.
So a better route maybe to stay with parents as of now, bring the baby to the world, and hope that her parents will care for the baby (at least some years) during which she can complete some "vocational courses" and start earning to lead her own life - caring for her baby. The Government does have some courses for women who want to get financially independent or even start some earnings of their own.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
29 Dec 15
I hope he falls down a deep well never to be seen again.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
30 Dec 15
@TiarasOceanView ..I think he is in company of guys who are like that. I mean guys who have been bad to girls and they discuss them openly including wives of colleagues and he kind of fears his wife will be a target.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
30 Dec 15
@vandana7 Yes I understand his fear of something happening to her. But what is he himself doing to her also.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
30 Dec 15
@vandana7 Yes as if she is a trophy, I realize what you mean Vandy. It is very sad it is like that for the women. Even here, it is one up, and ego for bad treatment of ladies. The guys they hang with can be influential to young man.
@TheHorse (220245)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Dec 15
I'm kind of with Anna. I don't know social convention in India. As for you, it's probably best not to get too involved. In America, I'd say (to her) leave this overly-jealous weirdo, enjoy the love of your parents, and find true adult love when you're ready.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
30 Dec 15
Last time I received the same advice ..not to get involved, and the girl's life is in mess. Now, I am not sure what to say when the girl's mother asks me. It doesn't feel too good to be saying..I told you so..because that is not going to help. The other day, she picked the phone and he was nasty with her. He told her, I did not marry you, I married your daughter. So don't lift the phone again. If they keep the girl here, and do not take police protection immediately chances are he will physically harm her and them. At least that is the way I feel the situation is moving towards. But may be the lady is exaggerating and not disclosing complete situation to me. Our society is not kind to women who are single, widowed, divorced, deserted, or ones who desert their husbands. Every other man will try to molest her or try his luck with her. Being young, there is a good chance she may believe in some of them and get into a deeper mess.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
30 Dec 15
@TheHorse ..depends. I mean, even if they do help, there is no way the girl is getting away without working. She has to work, and she has to earn, which means she will be in contact with lecherous folks, some of whom will take her for a ride unless she is very firm. It is a tough life ahead of her.
1 person likes this
@simone10 (54187)
• Louisville, Kentucky
30 Dec 15
It definitely sounds like he is very controlling and that is always a bad sign. It's a hard situation to be in but if her life is in danger, I would say she needs to stay home, no matter how hard it will be on her. Her life is more important than that.
1 person likes this
@Pattitude (1287)
• Newton, North Carolina
29 Dec 15
I really hate insecure men. I was divorced today in 1980 from an abusive and controlling man. I was lucky to escape him.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
30 Dec 15
Yes, that certainly is a scary thing. What is the girl to do? I'd suggested that she learn some rhymes and run a small baby sitting unit at home. Her husband did not agree to that also because he thought men would be coming to drop and pick kids. In a way, the society itself is slowly becoming like that.
