At Last A Response To My Computer Dating Application

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The Whaaaat??? Computer Dating agency sent me your revised request for a date with me, Mr. Chappell. After you attempted to send a photo of George Clooney and pretend that it was you, I was torn between suspecting either fraud or a joke. Going with the latter I requested a photo of the real you and the photo of The Creature From The Black Lagoon arrived this morning. My friends sadly suspect that this may actually be you though you poor thing. Your responses to some of the dating questions seem debatable too. Your hobbies - Stage diving at stand up poetry events, making model warships from ear-wax, megalomania, and collecting the Z's in alphabet-Spaghetti seem odd. You seek a partner who dotes on your every word no questions asked, and who will help you build a pedestal for her and who is willing to be your designated driver at any beer festivals is off-putting. You claim to be eight foot-twelve, with flowing locks of blond hair, and to be a mime-artist-concert pianist. Somehow I suspect a touch of deception here. You promise our first date will be a real treat, and that if I wish, I may order myself two take-away cheeseburgers, but if I want more, we should go Dutch - is that tight-fistedness masquerading as charm? You are waiting in the Dog & Duck, with an Aspidistra so I recognize you easily on my arrival - you may find I am fashionably late by about 2,000 years. Good luck on your next date. Yours faithlessly - Kira Arthur Chappell