What else can I do for her?
By mrswhitfield
@mrswhitfield (2044)
Indonesia
January 9, 2016 10:14am CST
My friend living next door. She is younger than me and is working as teacher. It's like her routine that she will come to my place like every 2 or 3 days when she reach home after work. She will throw herself onto my beanbag chair and start complaining:
1st, That she is so tired but she doesn't feel like to take rest at her own place because it's too messy, and then she give me compliment that my place is the most tidiest and cleanest place and ask how can I lbe so diligent cleaning my place.
2nd, That she is short of money already while it's just 10 days after she got her salary.
3rd, That she is so overwhelmed and tired working as teacher, and that she wants to find another job where she can earn more money without being stress everyday.
I always give her the same advice, to take time and clean up her place and always remember to put everything back inplace. To stop buy anything what she wants rather than what she really needs and start saving even only little money and lloking for side job if she really need money. To stop complaining about her job beause she just started working as teacher for 6 months. Every job has different obstacle.
Then she will say that I'm right, that she will clean up her place on weekend, she will start cooking at home and stop buy things she doesnt need, and that she should stop complaining about her job.
At 1st I thought she really will change, but after 2 or 3 days she will come with the same problem: messy room, want to quit her job, and money problem.
I'm lost of counting how many times I have given her the same advice. Sometimes I will just smile, sometimes when I'm in swing mood I will say "stop complaininng life is short"
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I don't know what else I can do for her, all my advice seems only last for a day or two and then she will come again to tell the same problem.
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I don't know what else I can do for her, all my advice seems only last for a day or two and then she will come again to tell the same problem.15 people like this
17 responses
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
9 Jan 16
Suggest that she should join myLot for extra money. Then maybe she will be so busy online that she will not have time to come complain. When she does complain, ask her about one good thing. My house is a mess, I could complain, but I realize that it is because I choose to do something. I am thankful that I have a place, I am thankful for the abundance I have, I am thankful that I can choose my daily activity. And when I do some cleaning I am thankful for how nice things look. Help teach her to be thankful instead of listening to her problems.
4 people like this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
She wants big and fast money, and here is slow.
Oh, I don't know how but her spiritual life is better than me. She always do morning pray, reading bible, pray before leave for work, pray before eat, never miss going to church every sunday,, but her complaint is beyond my imagination
1 person likes this
@Rohvannyn (3098)
• United States
9 Jan 16
@marlina It would give her some place else to gripe, and make money on the same time!
1 person likes this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
9 Jan 16
She probably just likes complaining. Teaching is a very busy job though. But the time she spends complaining she could cook her meal or tidy up a little.
Suggest she joins FLYlady.net. FLYlady teaches us to get routines so we don't feel overwhelmed.
2 people like this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
There are 3 teachers living here next door,,, and she is the only one complaining alot 
Oh let me tell her about that,,, let's see if she is interesting to join.
Oh let me tell her about that,,, let's see if she is interesting to join.1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
@paigea Oh the other 2 girls always busy earning extra money by providing extra teaching for students. I suggested her to do extra teaching too if she always short of money, because the other 2 say that they earn more from extra teaching. But again she will only listen from ear to ear,,,
3 people like this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
9 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield She should be able to discuss her work woes with the others. I hope you get a break from her. You could give her ten minutes to complain and then say you are changing the subject or say "let's go for a walk."
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
I told her that she can't live like that, she's grown up she should change her bad habit. She will say, yeah you're right,, yeah you're right
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
Most of the time now I will only smile or giggling while she pulls out all her complaints. When I'm not in mood to listen to her I will locked my door, and when she see my door is closed she will back to her place and sleep on the floor. Literally on the floor
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
9 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield Oh my goodness - on the floor?
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 16
Do you think so? I will try your advice,.. find new topic. Thank you for the advice
1 person likes this
@Serena_1 (186)
• Shenzhen, China
11 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield Yeah, just try and do some change. Or sooner or later, you will be tired of her.
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
Sometimes I think thats she just likes complaining. I feel tired sometimes and annoyed when she keep come and tell the same problem. You are right change has to come from herself, I really wish she could at least try harder to change for her good.
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (26681)
• Singapore
9 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield When she gets the message that she is overdoing it, then she might change for the better - siva
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
@Shiva49 Sometimes I want to be mean and say " wake up, make up your mind and go solve your own problem" but I feel pity when she fall asleep after complain about her messy life
1 person likes this
@cherriefic (10399)
• Philippines
10 Jan 16
Wow. Some people are just impossible. Maybe she don't really want to change and just like complanning about her life. Just ignore her or tell her the truth.
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 16
When I'm not in mood I will ignore her
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
9 Jan 16
Maybe you should start letting her know that you are busy in some days that she cannot come over and vent. That way, maybe she will actually do what you advised her to do since she's got nothing else to do and nowhere else to go. I know she's your friend and sometimes our loved ones need tough love.
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
When I only replied her with "no" "yes" "thank you" " busy" she knows that I don't want anyone to disturb me. Yes, sometimes that way she will do her housework, but she can't keep everything at her place inplace last too long, the next day it'll be messy again. And there the story goes again from the same point, complaining
1 person likes this
@cherriefic (10399)
• Philippines
10 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield Maybe you should start charging her. Lol. It's expensive to get a shrink.
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 16
@cherriefic That would be awesome if I charge her for every complaint 
She'll make me rich
She'll make me rich1 person likes this
@silvermist (19702)
• India
10 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield I am wondering if joins myLot,will all her discussions be complaints?
1 person likes this
@softbabe44 (5816)
• Vancouver, Washington
10 Jan 16
It sounds like something she doesn't want to let go of locking your door will help when once you see her coming.
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 16
it's easy to know if she is coming home or not. She usually will singging or humming and her voice is quite loud so it's a cue for me to lock my door when I'm not in mood to listen to her gripe
1 person likes this
@Rohvannyn (3098)
• United States
9 Jan 16
Are you good enough friends to just gently, but directly, say "you complain about this a lot and never do anything different. Since a lot of these problems are in your power to fix, I really don't want to hear about it anymore?"
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
I've said something similar like that few time. But it goes in one ear and out the other. One time she replied me, "I'm sorry that I always come to you with my complaint" and that's it,,,she will calm for one day or two and will come again with same problem
1 person likes this
@abhinalstrikr (4111)
• India
10 Jan 16
what her inerest is !my lot is good for extra cash
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 16
so far her interest is about money and singing
1 person likes this
@abhinalstrikr (4111)
• India
10 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield
if see do singing see will get both money as well as mental peace
2 people like this
@keepitsimpleyo (32)
•
9 Jan 16
I think if you really like her, take her out, hangout. Seems she is lonely.. Just give her a outside life.
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 16
She has lot of friends. She hangout often, of course after spent some time at my place. Oh, one thing, she will clean up her place without me telling her if her work-mates or college friends come to visit her
1 person likes this
@keepitsimpleyo (32)
•
10 Jan 16
@mrswhitfield well than, she is just trying to get aquainted with you i guess. Dont mind the ramblings,, sometimes we just got to accept them as they are :)
@righttotheheart (226)
• Delhi, India
10 Jan 16
you have to be patient with her as she is already irritated.. maybe you can take her out for weekend so that she can feel refreshed.
1 person likes this
