I'm guarded

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I've never been an easy person to get to know, most of my life I've been pretty guarded. I'm odd in that I believe people are capable of good, and I believe we as people can make mistakes and not forever be bad people. I believe in second chances, that being said though, I don't trust people. I am often find myself conflicted, between wanting to believe in the good in people, and wanting to guard myself because I don't trust people. I have a difficult time trusting anyone, because I've been burned one too many times, and yet there's still part of me that wants to believe in people, because I try to understand people, but just because I understand why someone does something, doesn't make it right, and it doesn't mean I'll trust them. It's difficult for people like me, who are both optimistic and a realist. I want to believe in people, but at the same time I know the reality. It definitely leaves me emotionally drained at the end of the day. I like to believe people are better than what they sometimes portray. I like to believe that not everyone is bad, and that just because they mess up, that doesn't define them, but at the same time part of me knows some people are bad, some people mess up because they're on a downwards spiral, taking everyone with them on their way down, and I don't want to be one of those people. I guard myself, because I have been hurt one too many times. I have learned my lesson, but that doesn't mean I don't care, that doesn't mean I won't continue trying to understand people, because ultimately I believe that people are just people, they make mistakes, and when everything is said and done they still need someone to be there for them. I can't and won't always be that person, but sometimes I can be that person. For the right people I can be that person. I am usually a pretty good judge of character. I can usually tell when someone is sincere and when they're lying. Very few people fully know me, which to be fair I'm not always sure how well I know myself. I look at these surveys where people answer questions about themselves, and I can't always answer those questions about myself. Maybe it's as simple as me not having a favorite song or movie, or maybe it's because I have too many, and can't narrow it down, or maybe it's because I just don't know. Someday I'd like to fully figure out who I am. I find myself thinking a lot all the time. I try so hard to figure people and things out, because part of me knows there's a reason we do the things we do, and I know I'll only drive myself crazy trying to figure it out, but that doesn't seem to stop me. I guess I just want to believe there's more to people and to life, but ultimately I'm not a very trusting person.