I'm bisexual!
By The Horse
@TheHorse (218921)
Walnut Creek, California
February 2, 2016 3:54pm CST
One of my kid clients, a boy of 14, mentioned to me on a hike about two months ago that he thinks he's bisexual. I gave him encouraging words and asked him if he had told his friends. He said he'd told a few, and that a couple teased him, while most were supportive.
His mom and I talk weekly about my visits with her son, and I tell her about thing we discuss, how his "affect" is (happy, sad, etc.), and what we do. But I decided to hold off on telling her that her son had "come out" to me and a handful of friends.
Today, she told me that he had "come out" to her as well, and that he was surprised that she was supportive and "didn't throw a Bible at (him) or something." We had a laugh, and I then told her that he had told me the same thing a few weeks ago, and that I had provided encouragement as well. I also mentioned that I had "done the client-therapist confidentiality thing" and decided not to mention it to her, as I figured he would in time. She was cool with that.
If you were working as a kid therapist, are there certain things you would tell a parent, and certain things you would not? Once, when a kid told me he'd brought a (small) knife to school, I told him not to do that again, and mentioned to his mom that she might want to search his backpack before he heads off to 4th grade. She found the knife and told him to leave it at home. I don't think the kid suspected that I'd given mom a "hint."
Anyway, what things would you tell mom? And what things would you hold off on telling mom? If a kid told me he was smoking pot with his friends, would I tell his mom? I'm not sure. Client trust is important to me. But so is a kid's safety.
28 people like this
23 responses
@celticeagle (167019)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Feb 16
I think if I was sharing with a parent I would share it all. If I were the parent and found out my child had "come out" to a counselor and I hadn't been told I would be a little weirded out. Why? Because then I would wonder what else you may have kept from me.
4 people like this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
3 Feb 16
My child needed counseling sadly. If she had thought the counselor would have told me everything; she would not have cooperated with the counseling. I may not have liked that; but she needed to trust the counselor would keep things confidential to get the help she needed.
5 people like this
@celticeagle (167019)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Feb 16
@paigea ....Why share some and not all? That seems weird to me.
1 person likes this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
3 Feb 16
@celticeagle Well, in my case it was up to my daughter, the client of the counselor.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
3 Feb 16
While I do understand the patient client thing, we are talking about a minor and I have strong feelings about that. Being the parent I am the one who makes decisions about information pertaining to my child no one else,. And also while I'm not a therapist of any kind before I took on a child client I would have to sit with child and parent to make sure what information would be shared. Or all as I would decide if this was my minor child. Strictly my opinion. I think you have to decided what to do with each individual child and parent. I don't think you did anything wrong especially if you didn't have some sort of understanding with the mom
4 people like this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
3 Feb 16
@fishtiger58 mothering smothering...It's all closely related.
@TheHorse If you are following protocol I guess that is what you have to do. I think you were right. If my kid was in therapy not sure I'd leave them alone with a therapist, more along the lines of smothering. LOL It really depends on what is said and whether it's illegal or a harm to themselves or someone else.
4 people like this
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
3 Feb 16
@TheHorse I'm glad everything is ok with the kid and his mom. I was just giving my opinion. I'm sure you have everything worked out the way it should be. I am a very over protective mom, some even call it smothering lol.
4 people like this
@much2say (55655)
• Los Angeles, California
2 Feb 16
I can see how that would be a tough line to cross or not cross. In the cases you spoke of, it sounded like you did exactly the right things. Confidentiality is important, but if it concerns the kid's safety, you gotta act on it somehow.
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
2 Feb 16
I told my ma I smoked 4 years after I quit smoking.. so ya..
I dont think my parents are capable of handling some truths..
and..
why worry them unnecessarily? just to get it off my chest? seem to be a selfish thing to do
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
3 Feb 16
If I am handling such a job and the child confides in me. I will try to find out his relations and comfort level with his parents. If they have strained relations, I would not share everything with his parent. I will make an attempt to solve his problem, before bringing his parents in the picture.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
3 Feb 16
@TheHorse Even if he has a strained relationship with one of his parents, then probably it was right on your part not to share about his secret with his parents in the first instance.
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (51969)
• Philippines
2 Feb 16
well, for now that is what he thinks. Im sure he's going through a phase, but if he is so sure, i hope he gets support.
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137259)
• United States
28 Feb 16
That would be a hard decision to make, pony. I agree with you about withholding information that is by rights the boy's to share with his parents, not yours.
However, there are a lot of things a young man could tell you that would straddle that fence, in my opinion...
You ARE the boy's doctor, not the parent's, no matter who pays you. So if it came down to whether you worry about telling his parents or not... If you can't clearly define it in your own mind, I would suggest weighing heavier on the side of the young man...
That is a disturbing problem to me, but I would trust in your judgement in that matter.... That appears to be what the parent in your story is willing to do, as well.
I would hazard a guess she trusts you, at least as much as her son does. No small thing, there!
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
8 Apr 16
I trust all mylotters. When I play with the little girl, I want her staying over with me. I want her forever. I feel tempted to kidnap her. My problem is, when kids start growing, and start going to the school, that level of interest starts decreasing because same innocent gestures stop. Today the little one took a paint brush and was painting my dressing mirror, with plain water, and having a great time as if she was painting a Picasso. Her mother was shocked to find her daughter doing something like that, and said I am spoiling "her" kid. The kiddo didn't want to go, but like usual, force is used by parents, and I have nor rights.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Feb 16
yeah, that one is something he needed to tell her, and I am glad she was supportive! He will need help over the years, to be strong, and have a good support system
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Feb 16
@TheHorse pretty much. I see sexuality as a sliding scale, and we all fall somewhere on it, and that somewhere can change.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218921)
• Walnut Creek, California
3 Feb 16
@Jessicalynnt Agreed. It would be interesting to ask people "How heterosexual are you, on a 100 point scale?" at various stages in their lives.
2 people like this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
3 Feb 16
I am guessing you have clear guidelines about that? I think I would try telling a mom to keep track of what is in a school bag. Just a heads up that there are many things schools would rather stay home. Even just toys due to distraction and due to the fact they disappear; which makes kids sad. So parents should be on top of what is being dragged to school and doesn't mean worrying about everything dangerous.
Going to school in the early 60s; every boy had a pocket knife!
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
3 Feb 16
I think you did the right thing.
And as long as no one is getting harmed. The confidentiality is important on both sides.
You took the "hint" way without straight out divulging the information which was great.
I am not the expert here or have anything to do with this field even...
2 people like this
@lokisdad (4226)
• United States
13 Feb 16
I am not sure on this as long as you abide by the patient client condifidentiality laws i think after its a matter of personal choice you have to use yoiur best judgement there are some parents who would go balistic and probably beat the child and other parents who would talk it out and come to a peaceful resolution. I think you have to think about that and then decide. So much to consider.
@ridingbet (66854)
• Philippines
26 Feb 16
whether a bisexual, transgender, gay, or lesbian, I believe the family should accept the individual as he/she is, and not change the personality to suit their beliefs.
@Mike197602 (15505)
• United Kingdom
2 Feb 16
I've worked with kids in the past.
As regards confidentiality then here it's set out in law in many cases.
If not in law it's set out in professional rules.
If I ever worked in an industry that had confidential issues I'd stick to the letter of the law/rules.
If I was allowed to tell a parent certain things I may do so but if I wasn't then I wouldn't.
Aren't your confidential things covered by laws or professional rules?
1 person likes this
